8 year old unable to accept that she has to entertain herself sometimes

[Zipupyourmickey]

We have one child, not through choice, but happy and accepting of our family. My daughter is great - very smart and funny. However, I find she's always looking for entertainment and it's exhausting. Just to be clear, she has lots of friends on the road and we do playdates etc... We also do lots of family activities. We're just back from a fun week abroad. Today we did baking, went into town, she played with friends for half an hour and so on. She's still bored and restless during downtime asking what we're doing next. I'm not sure if it's due to her personality, our parenting or being an only child. I'm sad about it. Any tips?

Not popular, but my grandma used to just say "a bored child is a boring child" and shoo us away. Just tell her to find something to do, and get on with it. At 8 she's plenty old enough to entertain herself.

I have one child and when I've needed him to play alone so I can work, cook, clean etc or just need to not entertain him, I always suggested two things. So if I was busy I would make it clear I was doing X and send him off saying while I'm doing this you could go draw at your desk or build Lego. Making him choose the activity tended to mean he stuck to it doe longer. Ultimately they just have to get used to it to save your sanity!

How about an ideas jar. Pop in ideas on pieces of paper and tell her to pick one. Could include craft, games, reading etc we have an idea jar for when I hear they are bored. As they got older I added some household tasks, reduced the claims of boredom

What do you say when she asks what you're doing next?

My experience of only children (I am one) is that we learnt to entertain ourselves very early on because we didn't have siblings to play with and keep us company. You're probably not helping by constantly finding things to do with her. She needs to discover for herself things she enjoys doing on her own, even if it means her kicking around in the meantime because she's bored.

Bored gets chores. It filters in after a bit.

The last time my youngest said he was bored to me, my eyes must have lit up like pinballs, as he fled the room.

My 8 year old, loves comic books and he draws his own stories (85% plagiarism). Until he found his own thing, he used to demand a lot of my attention.

He also hates cleaning, maybe everytime she suggests boredom tell her x needs a bit of cleaning. He used to love this, until it got boring and he started to actively avoid saying the word 'boring'.

Agree with others (& I have an only DC) if she says she's bored you suggest ... tidying her room, reading, doing some homework, phoning Grandma for a chat etc. Just make it clear you are not the 'entertainment manager'. I used to keep a stack of those maths 'study' books (relevant age) and get one out if DS dared say he was bored . He soon learned to amuse himself!

Thanks guys! Really useful ideas here. I usually gently explain about the few things she had to do but I've got a firmer approach that I think I'm going to use now.

My DS is like this but I know it's partly his personality is complete opposite to mine so I try to give and take with him. He will often tell me he's bored on a Saturday morning before we have even been awake an hour.

It is what it is they do have to learn to entertain themselves. I find the only I know... are good at making themselves known perhaps this is the link!

We've got one DS, just turned 6. Last school holidays we instigated "independent play" time every day. No screens, no mum or dad to play with. We'd be nearby, in the kitchen/ on the patio and he'd have to entertain himself. We started with 15 minutes and built up from there. Often I return to every single toy out and there's a battle over tidying up, but at least I am now able to cook without being pestered!

Yep here too 😁soon learned that my suggestions were less fun than boredom and worked out ways of self-entertainment

I have a dd like this - I think it's a personality thing.
One thing that often works is to start her off with clear instructions, rather than just "go and play":
"Go to your room, put some music on, get out the ponies, and I'll come and see how you're doing in 10 minutes."
She's often quite absorbed in her game by the time I go and check, although she'd always much prefer someone to play with.

I think you have to grit your teeth and accept that she will continue to pester you for attention until she hits 'rock bottom' boredom and starts to draw on her imagination. Stand firm! Have things you must do.

I found that I had to suffer at least one day, sometimes two, of complaining and pestering but by day 3 my DD (also an only) would get into her zone and come up with all kinds of creative activities. Having done it a few times she was then able to shift into that self-entertaining space much more quickly.

That said, I found it difficult to do and was only able to withstand my own guilt because I had other obligations (work etc). I like to make my child happy so it was hard - but the rewards were worth it, both for me and her.

It is personality, I’m sure, just based on the fact that DS1 has never ever really been able to entertain himself (at 9 he now understands that he must do so at time but…) whereas DS2 will happily self entertain all day and has a grump if he has to leave his game for anything. This was clear in their behaviour before they were 1…I didn’t realise with DS1 and was gobsmacked when DS2 would happily play in his baby gym for 20 minutes or more!

My usual response to ‘I’m so boooored’ is ‘oh fab because there’s loads of jobs to do.’ A few rounds of dishes and folding washing tends to get rid of any overwhelming boredom. Or just a plain ‘go and do something then.’ Obviously it would be different if she was 2 but she’s 8. She’s capable of reading a book/playing with toys for a couple of hours.

My 20 year-old was mooching about today, moaning that he was bored. So I suggested he clean his bathroom - he didn't mention it after that!