Is one child enough?

[Gina97]

I have one wonderful son and although I often expect to have a second child, a large part of me just doesn't want more kids. I really love the simplicity of one child. One means being able to stay in my small home, having more time for him and myself, and let's face it, it's cheaper. There is no external pressure for me to have more kids but I'm concerned that either I or my child will feel incomplete with it being just the three of us. Looking for others to weigh in on their experience with only children versus 2+

My DD is an only child. She's happy that way (Can't have any more so that's fortunate). It's a different experience having siblings / other children but it isn't a better one or a worse one in my opinion. I have 2 brothers that I'm not in contact with.

We are a 3-person family and both my husband and I feel very happy and satisfied with our one child. Like you, we value the simplicity and ability to focus on the needs of one little and wouldn't plan to have any more. When I recognised that I felt this way and accepted that we would only have one, it was a huge relief! The only issue I perceive so far is the risk of our only child getting a bit spoiled (!) but there are worse things

I have one child and it is SO hard for her, she gets very bored and lonely, especially on holidays. Children need playmates but parents often can’t be bothered with playdates, I’ve had people say I can’t have their child round because they need them to amuse their sibling! And she never has to wait her turn or look after a younger sibling and has become a bit spoiled.

I know siblings don’t always get on, but even if you’re arguing with someone, you are learning vital social skills and you are not drifting around lonely.

In 2020-2021 because of lockdowns my child didn’t speak to another child for a total of six months.

I’d do anything to have another and I think people who choose this situation are very very different people to me.

When faced with secondary infertility and the prospect of staying a single child family it was my daughter who was desperate for a sibling - to be honest I often feel like I went through IVF for her rather than me. She worships the ground her siblings walk on even her teachers comment without prompting about how proud she is to be a big sister and what a massive part of her life they are. I'm glad i was finally able to give her that. I often think deciding to have a child is a choice you make for yourself, deciding to have another is one you make for your existing child and to deliberately decide to be one and done is a choice I'd never make

I have an only child mainly because of infertility bit also we feel happy wirh our unit : she is confident, happy, so sociable: she makes friends wherever she goes. Ive asked her if she minds not having a sibling and she said no. Feels like she has just accepted it as that's her life and her family

We are very happy with one. All the happiest and most successful people I know are only children. Our family is complete as a 3.
DD is very social and confident so far, she is at nursery so is with other children for 40hrs a week. When she is at school we will host other children and she will be able to do any activities she chooses. She will very likely do Pony Club and Young Farmers as most children do locally which are very social.
I had a pregnancy scare 6 months ago. Never been more relieved it was a chemical, that cemented it! Although at 44 and 49 nature will hopefully intervene too.

We are happily ‘one and done’. DD is 4.5 now. We could technically have had a second, but there were many reasons why this would be complicated: I’m 41 and DP is several years older; I would have needed surgery to have large fibroids removed before trying for #2; we would have to leave our small but lovely house as it couldn’t comfortably accommodate two DC, and we both prefer to focus our time and energy on one child and know we’re parenting well, rather than ending up frazzled and permanently distracted with two.

There are times when I do wonder whether we’ve made the right decision, especially given the continuing stigma around only children and the fact that there are no cousins and little extended family. But DD is happy and well adjusted, has so far never asked for a sibling, and I can rest safe in the knowledge that I’m being the engaged, happy, calm parent that I want to be.

Ultimately, neither of us want another DC, and I refuse to be guilted into martyring myself for the cause of a sibling. If that’s selfish then I’m happy to be described as such, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that post-children women are still autonomous individuals with their own agency, wants and needs, rather than simply mothers. One child is definitely the best choice for us.

OP, I am an only child and I love it. I was never lonely and I never wanted siblings.

I've 1 dc through ivf. Couldn't go through ivf and 10 years later and no contraception another is not going to happen! Of course I worried about dc but honestly it's been great, and I come from a big family. But I am a sociable person who ensures dc has lots of experiences. She has same age cousins, lots of friends, does clubs, we go on holiday (not all the time!) with family. She said the other day that she loves being an only.

How old is your DS? I think is important if they are under 4 you may change your mind once your DC gets a bit older if they are not at that stage yet.

I have an only too. If I could click my fingers I would give DS a sibling. I find it's sad when they say there bored or others kids go off with their siblings... its hard work entertainment wise too at times.

It's not just the childhood it's even as adults it's nice to have a sib.

@Lavenderlast I holiday yearly just me and DS. He's quite a confident child and mingles on a crowd easily. Splashworlds and places with a waterpark and a good kids club are your friend!

We have had fab holidays!

Yes of course 1 child is enough.

We are happy with just the one. She's 23 now so I know it was fine at all ages and stages. If you don't want more kids, don't have them OP!

I might have been swayed into another child but my DH wasn’t for it so decision was made. There have been times I wish we did have a sibling but then I think of
*noise
*being a referee
*going through nursery fees again
*sharing attention across 3 instead of 2 people.
*limited family support.

Overall I’m happy with the decision, I think it has benefited us all. The opportunities we can give our child wouldn’t have been possible if there had been two.

Essentially you're saying that people who choose not to have a second child are selfish then.

I have a now adult only.
I never wanted another and she's never wanted a sibling.

My child is 6. He has been desperate to be a brother and very vocal since he could express it. We have really tried to give him a sibling. Every time he spoke about it, the guilt was a killer. He was so terribly lonely during lockdown and our clinic closed so we were not even trying, which I found very hard to cope with.

Thankfully, I am 20 weeks pregnant. He talks to my tummy constantly, sings and reads to the baby, he is dying to meet his sibling. I wish the age gap between them was smaller, but it wasn't for lack of trying!

There may have come a point where I would have had to accept that a second child was not going to be possible but I am massively grateful that I didn't have to deal with that. My son is the centre of my world and I have always been so grateful for him, but I definitely did not want him to be an only child.

@ludocris

Yes I do think there are elements of selfishness to being one and done but the same could be said of someone who chooses to have lots of kids as well as someone who chooses to be childfree

Well, I'm currently sitting at an airport listening to two different sets of children constantly bickering with their siblings. Parents pulling their hair out. My only dc not an angel at all but she's sitting here happy and content, eating a crossaint and reading a book with nobody to annoy her. She's said many times she's happy being only. She gets her 'children' fix from cousins, friends and sports team mates.

Or indeed someone who chooses to have two kids.

Of course 1 child is 'enough' I had 2 awful losses in 2019 and 2020 at 19 and 21 weeks. I have tried to have another child but it just wasn't to be. I have a wonderful 5 year old little boy who is amazing and I could never look at him and think he wasn't enough. Alot of it is down to society and what society says is normal. Don't get me wrong I have struggled with this myself thinking 'do People look at us and think we aren't normal' and during the times where my grief was all consuming I really did find it hard.
Now I couldn't care less I love my little boy he is happy and healthy and we have a wonderful family set up. I wanted to be a mummy and I am to one amazing little boy who is so bloody precious and is most definitely enough 💙

My DD is 7. We lost her little sister at 21 weeks when she was 4. We were too terrified to get pregnant a 3rd time so DD has remained an only.

She's not lonely because we spend time with her and she has lots of play dates. She doesn't know any different. The guilt with grief was awful but love for her got us through it.

It's up to us to give her a childhood full of love and fun, so we do!

I often think deciding to have a child is a choice you make for yourself, deciding to have another is one you make for your existing child and to deliberately decide to be one and done is a choice I'd never make

I think that reasoning is bollocks tbh. Up to you what you do, but you've no idea about other peoples reasoning.

Having one child is entirely normal and needs no justification whatever. Lots of DDs classmates at primary were onlies, about half iirc. DDs view was that she preferred having a dog to a sibling.

I'm an only child. I had a lovely childhood, I'm very capable of entertaining myself and enjoy being in my own company. Of course I was bored (it was the 80s!) but I think that's good for children. If I was lonely sometimes that only made going to school and seeing friends more fun. I have no idea what it would be like to have a sibling, and remember thinking when I was young that I would hate it because there would always be someone around annoying me and I wouldn't be able to relax. There's absolutely no guarantee multiple children would get on, or be in each others' lives when they're older. My partner's brother lives five hours away, we see him maybe once or twice a year. My dad's brother lives in Australia. My best mate's sister lives in the US. I have very few close sibling relationships around me, and most of our friends have just one child.

My son will be an only child. I had a difficult pregnancy and have absolutely no intention of doing it again. Having grown up in a quiet house, the thought of having bickering siblings all the time makes me want to run away. He's absolutely fine as an only.

Not all siblings play together and if they do it is certainly not necessarily all the time. I often played on my own because my siblings grew bored with playing what I wanted to play being older. I also did not have much 1:1 parental attention (despite a huge amount of love). This did affect me long-term.

Anyway, I felt completely 'done' and happy at one. I did then have another then wanted three and have spent eight years not feeling done!

One is a good number OP!