Help me come to terms with my decision

[JSG55]

I have always wanted to have two children if possible but now, due to many reasons we have decided to stop at one. Our reasons are:

• I had a very difficult and unpleasant pregnancy/labour
• DH actually only wants one (which I know should be reason enough)
• we live in a 2 bedroom house with no prospect of being able to move anywhere bigger
• the main factor is that DC does not sleep (still wakes 5/6 times during the night) and the exhaustion has badly affected my mental health causing me to be angry and frustrated when I rarely was before having DC

I know this decision is right for our family but I’m just sad at the realisation that I am now done.

I also know we are very lucky to have one healthy DC.

So I think what I’m asking is if anyone has any tips on how to finally accept being done before feeling ready.

I could have written your post actually. For me Its the anxiety about going back to work after a baby. Also being a mom of 1 working full time is so hard so just imagine 2. DH wants 2 but he said its ultimately my choice as its my body but I always think about DS being a lonely only kid...It hard to come to terms with TBH

I experienced similar in that we always wanted two children, even tried for a second for over a year. Then something changed and I realised that maybe we should just stick with one, for various reasons. It was the hardest decision of my life and there were many tears!

I wished I'd have known all along that we were only going to have one, as I would have enjoyed my daughter more instead of thinking "I'm gonna have to do all of this again" when it was difficult times e.g. teething. I would have enjoyed all the 'lasts' that bit more and the milestones.

That was 3.5 years ago now (she is coning up to 8) and life is good as a family of 3 and I don't think I would have coped mentally with another one. When I see people having another, I think oh god I'm glad that's not me. But I know deep down that they want it and aren't a stress head like me, so am happy for them.

Having said that, I do still have the guilt that she doesn't have a sibling and worry about her being lonely. Worry that I'm selfish etc. She asks for a sibling as well, she loves babies so then I feel bad, but I know the dynamic would change and she wouldn't get the best of me if I had another one.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it's a very hard decision but it gets easier. We have great days out and are so close. I only have one child to help with homework and it's easier to get family to babysit with one! Less juggling. I always tell myself the positives whenever I feel guilty. Good luck!

@Flumpywoo

I experienced similar in that we always wanted two children, even tried for a second for over a year. Then something changed and I realised that maybe we should just stick with one, for various reasons. It was the hardest decision of my life and there were many tears!

I wished I'd have known all along that we were only going to have one, as I would have enjoyed my daughter more instead of thinking "I'm gonna have to do all of this again" when it was difficult times e.g. teething. I would have enjoyed all the 'lasts' that bit more and the milestones.

That was 3.5 years ago now (she is coning up to 8) and life is good as a family of 3 and I don't think I would have coped mentally with another one. When I see people having another, I think oh god I'm glad that's not me. But I know deep down that they want it and aren't a stress head like me, so am happy for them.

Having said that, I do still have the guilt that she doesn't have a sibling and worry about her being lonely. Worry that I'm selfish etc. She asks for a sibling as well, she loves babies so then I feel bad, but I know the dynamic would change and she wouldn't get the best of me if I had another one.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it's a very hard decision but it gets easier. We have great days out and are so close. I only have one child to help with homework and it's easier to get family to babysit with one! Less juggling. I always tell myself the positives whenever I feel guilty. Good luck!

Thank you so much, I think this is exactly what I needed to hear I am very emotionally and mentally fragile so I know that I would probably fall apart if I had another and that wouldn’t help anyone. Next step is focus on the positives and enjoy my time with my DC

Am glad this has helped you. I think only time can make you feel better/come to terms with it. I like a bit of peace and quiet in life, so having one helps with that. As much as she still has her moments driving me up the wall, she's my little buddy, and if she is in a bad mood, I only have her to deal with ha ha.

I think @Flumpywoo has a lot of wisdom on this.

I was slightly different - I always thought I only wanted one and DH needed to really think through even having one (although very much got on board).

Now DD is 5 and there is a big part of me that would like another. She doesn't ask for a sibling but she is social and likes play dates and seeing her cousins and she's extremely family orientated.

But on the other hand, I had a tricky pregnancy and poor mental health post birth. I found the baby / toddler stage boring and anxious making.

Both DH and I have big jobs and the early years were a very big struggle. We really want to travel, pay down our mortgage etc and the costs of two kids just doesn't seem feasible

Even losing our spare bedroom/ office to a 2nd child would be a headache.

It's tough though, as I always feel regretful in both directions - wishing we had another child and not feeling able to either.

I/we thought we would have 2. My pregnancy was fine but the birth was very difficult- long and ended in emergency c-section. DS was a difficult baby and didn't really sleep until 18 months. Tired was an understatement! I think he was about 8 months when I said to DH that I didn't want another. He was great and said he was happy either way.

DS is 8 now and we are very happy with our decision to stick at one. From 2.5 he got infinitely easier and it's been lovely being able to give him lots of time. I have been able to further my career since returning from maternity leave.

We love being a unit of 3. DS is happy and has plenty of friends. DH and I are lovers of the Lake District and DS loves it just as much as we do and we have a lot of fun on our trips there.

I honestly can't imagine more than one now