Positive only child stories please!

[rosabright]

Hi! I have a beautiful 14 mo LO who I love to bits. He is great but I don't want any more. Pregnancy for me was fine but he had a very traumatic birth which left me with PTSD. I struggled being a mum of a newborn and I still do tbh - I am 39 and left parenting quite late. I had a very good career, social life, friendship circle, travelled lots etc - although I make the most of the time with my baby, I am looking forward to him growing and us being able to do more together. I feel guilty not giving him a sibling but I don't think I could do the newborn phase again - the ONLY reason I would do it would be for him to have a sibling. Do I need to? Or are only children totally happy and content? I have a bro and my OH has a bro.

It’s irrelevant whether fifty people come on here and say they are blissfully content only children, surely? You don’t want another child. You can’t force yourself to do something major you fundamentally don’t want to do, like bringing another child into the world at the expense of your own mental health, just because you think it might be better for your existing child — that would be mad. Own your decision.

I have an only child by choice. Also had him at 39.

I'm an only child and have always been happy as one, had great relationships with both parents. Only thing I would say is that as an adult with one surviving parent, I do find it hard not having someone to share the responsibility with. When my DD died it was just me and my Mum, I think I would have liked a sibling then. But of course there is no guarantee you'd get on with them anyway.

I'm an only child and have never wanted a sibling (aside from a brief Mallory Towers period where I wanted a sister when I was 7!) I have one DS who I live so completely, I don't feel the need for more. We are a happy family of three and my MH works best with that. DS, 6.5, is autistic too so I don't think would cope well with a sibling changing all his routines! I think we, as a society, need to normalise only having one child much more. It is ace! And we're helping to save the planet from overpopulation!

Siblings will not necessarily be a positive for a child. Me and my brother got on well but me and sister absolutely didn't.

I have an only child who is 8 now and it's brilliant. He has plenty of friends at school, plus he enjoys cubs and has friends there. I can afford private swimming lessons for him which he loves- no way could I pay for 2 or more as it's expensive.

I love our little unit of 3 - we can give him so much time and attention (despite me having a very demanding job!), no juggling different hobbies or party invites etc. We are able to support with his homework.

He loves going away with us, eating out together or just chilling at home. Our house is calm and peaceful.

I have furthered my career since going back after maternity leave-I have a good job that I enjoy so I have valued this. DH left full time work due to ill health when DS was two - having just one child has meant we are very comfortable financially despite this and DH is able to do pick up and drop off which is lovely.

Obviously, if you want another child, go for it but don't feel pressured - there are so many benefits to having one!

I have an only child, had her at 38, shes gorgeous but I can’t do this again, I think it would kill me. I can’t guarantee she’ll be happy as an only child but I can guarantee I would be a worse parent with two. I know my own limits and I pour my patience into DD, anymore and I would be a screaming harridan. I can be a kind and loving mother to one but being a mum doesn’t come naturally to me and I have to work quite hard it. I do feel guilty sometimes that I just can’t bring myself to have another so that she would have a sibling.

I have a 12 year old son and we can offer him all that he needs. We don’t have to worry much anout money. He is happy, has great friends and says he never wanted a sibling. I wouldn’t be a good mum to a 2nd child because my experience with a baby, then toddler was pretty traumatic. We live abroad and had no help. It was very difficult as we couldn’t afford having a babysitter and I wasn’t able to keep any job because my ds was constantly sick. Now we are a happy family of 3. I don’t regret anything, I love him with all my heart but I can’t repeat the experience. I am not made to be a mum of several kids. My husband agrees with me. He is not a kids person and the experience was difficult for him as well.
If I was in my home country with my mom, family and friends… that would have been a different story, or maybe not. Some of us are not made for this and I don’t see it as something bad. We don’t need to repeat an experience that would make everybody unhappy.

I am, I was very happy, wonderful childhood. DD is also an only child too.

I'm an only child myself and also have an only child, which I guess tells you something.
Yes, it can be hard work looking after an elderly parent alone. But at least I don't have to look after elderly parents alone while getting lots of messages about how I'm doing it wrong from a sibling who rarely visits, or while getting endless promises of help that never actually materialise. (Some of my friends with elderly parents do have siblings that pull their weight, but it seems to be remarkably uncommon!)

@Antsgomarching

I have an only child, had her at 38, shes gorgeous but I can’t do this again, I think it would kill me. I can’t guarantee she’ll be happy as an only child but I can guarantee I would be a worse parent with two. I know my own limits and I pour my patience into DD, anymore and I would be a screaming harridan. I can be a kind and loving mother to one but being a mum doesn’t come naturally to me and I have to work quite hard it. I do feel guilty sometimes that I just can’t bring myself to have another so that she would have a sibling.

I relate to this very much. I have a great relationship with my sibling, see pictures of siblings and have a guilty feeling about DS being an only one. But while I do have little pangs for certain aspects of the baby days, I don’t really ever want to do it again and I’d probably be a worse parent for doing so.

I'm 37 and have a 4yr old son. I also suffered a traumatic birth, PND and just generally really struggled with him as a baby. I have few friends and no family help.
I have sat on the fence for a few years thinking I needed to give him a sibling but I genuinely can't do it, I can't go through it all again for the sake of my mental and physical health. We're a happy little family of 3.

Your mental health and happiness is most important - this will ensure a happy child if having another child will potentially make your mental health suffer then you will potentially end up with 2 unhappy children as they will see their dear mum suffering.
I say this as an only child from a single parent family - I want my DD to have a sibling as it happens - so she has someone should anything happen between me and my partner and he decide to go off with another woman and have nothing to do with her. I know this sounds extreme but I grew up with major issues about feeling not good enough because my dad didn't want me, but I know I am loved, adored and my mums absolute world ❤️ and actually I think my reasons for wanting a second child speak more about the insecurities I still hold than anything else 🤣 and for the record I'm with my partner who is an absolute rock to me and is an amazing dad - I clearly need more therapy 🤣

I have a brother I dislike.

My DD at 11 is very happy to be an only.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I have a brother I dislike.

My DD at 11 is very happy to be an only.

I have a sister and we hated each other. It was pure hell sharing everything with her as she was extremely demanding and aggressive (I was always bruised). I never had a good relationship with her and I wished I was an only child. I guess this influenced on my decision too

There are more only children now than ever, DD is six and very occasionally asks for an older brother after visiting her best friend. But is mostly content and glad she gets a lot of attention from me.
With homework and activities not sure she'd be able to do as many.

DN is an only child and generally seems happy. My sister moved a few years ago to somewhere more rural and I thinlk he had a slightly tougher time coping with moving school and then COVID than he might have done had he had a sibling, but he seems to have negotiated that now and be making friends.

I have an only DD who is nearly 6. I prevaricated for years about whether to have another (and did try for a while) but it didn't happen. Honestly now I think it's for the best. I am an excellent mother to her but I would be ratty, frustrated and exhausted with more than one. We are a happy unit of three and DD is sociable and well-adjusted.

I'm a strong believer in that you shouldn't have a child for another child. Yes it's lovely to have a strong lifelong sibling relationship, but I know plenty of people who never see their siblings or have a poor relationship with them. I've been working from home today and my neighbour who is an only child of 5 has had a lovely day playing with her friend who has come for a play date. Their mums met at a baby group and I've been smiling at them running around the garden in princess dresses. As long as children have good friends in life they'll be fine.

My dd is an only, not through my choice but now she is 10 l have to say it is wonderful.
We are very social and always welcome her friends round and we go on holiday with other people but she is very happy in her own company too.
There is a book called the freedom of having an only child and the joy of being one by Lauren Sandler might be worth a read.

I know several only children who grew up as happy and well adjusted adults. I know woman who wanted more than one child but after a tough pregnancy, birth or having post natal depression decided to stick with one child. You have to consider your own personal circumstances if you were to have another child.
I think if you know that a 2nd pregnancy would be hard on you on your existing child and relationship you better off having one child. If a child has a happy mother and you not financially struggling it enables you to give your child a good childhood ie doing music, swimming and sending them to a good school.

I spent 5 years (with secondary infertility) feeling guilty that my only child didn't have a sibling. He was good at sharing, kind, confident, clever and sociable as an 'only'.

His wonderful sibling then arrived. He's gorgeous and we all adore him.

But... I now spend each day feeling guilty my time is so divided, that none of my children get me exclusively. With hindsight, I see my first child's 'only' years as a privilege for him.

I really needed to read this positive stories this morning. Thank you all

I'm very happy being the parent of one. Financially and emotionally I can manage things very well. I wouldn't want another one, and for me that's the most important thing - but for the record my DS is also happy with his life and doesn't regret not having a sibling.

I am an only child and I have nothing to compare it to, he will be fine.

And not all siblings get on.

Only one child here.

The only negative so far is the judgment of other, narrow minded, people