One and done?

[OnTheFenc3]

Hello, I think I'm looking for some advice. I have a wonderful DD and an amazing DH. DD is 4 and we never planned for her to be an only child. In the last year and a half, I had 5 MMCs and one of them was at 12 weeks (after I had found out that he was a boy).

My DD is bright, funny, confident, extroverted, well-behaved and a very good natured child. She is a great traveller, super in a restaurant and curious about everything. She is my little miracle. We have a lovely comfortable life. I am aware many are not so lucky.

We stopped trying for DC2 and have decided try to be positive. If we were only meant to have one then we can afford for her to go to private school and have lots of opportunities that we otherwise couldn't afford. She is very bright (I'm biased) and I think would enjoy these.

I also think that having a second child is such an unknown. The birth (I haemorrhaged with DD), and we may not have as "easy" a child.

However, I still think about trying again (in all likelihood this would be futile). I think about the plan to have two. I think about my close relationship with my sister and how my DD will not have that (even though DH doesn't really get on with his sister). I think about how she might be lonely (although she easily makes friends at pre-school). Most of all I think about that baby boy and how I won't get to meet him.

I really don't know what I'm looking for here. I just need to make a decision because the indecision is so hard. Any advice?

I'm sorry about your miscarriages. Your DD sounds amazing. It's ok to feel uncertain, life isn't straightforward. You're doing great and if you put all your energy into your DD and yourselves for now that will be wonderful in lots of ways. You've had such a hard time recently and not much time to process everything. It's ok to give yourself time to heal and recalibrate.

Really sorry about the miscarriages, and that the decision has been taken out of your hands - that must be tough. It sounds like you’re thinking about all the positives of having one. Agree with RainyDayWellySocks that you need to take time to process. I have an only child (by choice) who is also 4 and sounds very similar to your DD - outgoing, sociable, bright - and I don’t worry about her not having a sibling. There is no ‘perfect’ size for a family 💕

Thank you so much for the replies. I think you are right and maybe a bit of time will help. I also think that I may need to talk to someone in the short term. Hopefully that will also bring a bit of closure.