Daughter desperate for a sibling

[lollipoprainbow]

My dd9 is desperate for a sister and keeps asking me to adopt one for her!! It's so hard as she has ASD and really struggles to make friends so doesn't have any play dates. The long Christmas holidays have highlighted how lonely she is. I don't know what to say to her ! I don't want to lie and say ok I'll adopt a sister for you as obviously it's not that easy and I couldn't cope with another child. Feel so bad and sad about it.

Would she be happy with a pet? Or do you have any friends who would be happy to hand their DC's over for play dates?

Please don't feel bad or sad about saying no, absolutely the right thing to say and although the thought of a sibling might be appealing, no doubt the reality wouldn't be what they want anyway. Is there anyone you can arrange a playdate with? Any local groups?

OP, I presume you are not planning on having another child - or for whatever reason, you cannot have one?

So if that's the case, it might be best to start redirecting her to something else. Like another poster said, perhaps a pet?

I'd b e looking at opportunities for her to make friends . Maybe girlsfriendlysociety.org.uk/ would have a group near you, or the Girls' Brigade www.girlsbrigadeministries.org.uk/ . If she had some outlets, she wouldn't be so keen for a sibling to play with.

Chances are at 9, a sibling wouldn’t be quite the best friend scenario she is envisaging. Or at least not for a good few years.
Does she do any clubs? Have you looked at your councils local offer to see what clubs they offer to children with ASD?

I wrote a really long post and MN deleted it. Grrrr!

The short of it was that my DD’s best friend is 4 years older than her and was a self-described ‘lonely only’. Both girls had struggled to make friends their own age. DD’s friend has a diagnosis of both ASD and ADHD, DD has nothing diagnosed but had always struggled with social anxiety. They describe themselves as sisters and spend part of nearly every school holiday at each other’s houses (despite living on opposite sides of the country!) with constant FaceTiming and messaging in between.

I’ve come to realise that mixed age friendships can be a really positive thing for children who struggle with peer friendships.

My advice would be to think out of the box when it comes to potential friendships. Are there neighbours you could invite around or does your DD play online games like Roblox where, with careful adult supervision, she could find friends with similar interests?

My DD went through this slightly younger, I was met with pleas and tears after school on a daily basis for weeks. A couple of her classmates Mums were pregnant and they were all very excited about it.
I didn't sugar coat my answer, it was pretty much a plain no, there aren't going to be any more babies in our family. The thing that cured her broodiness was being around a friend's toddler. She actually discovered very quickly that toddlers are annoying and not fun to play with and when I showed any attention to the baby she was very jealous! Once she twigged a new baby would take up my attention her enthusiasm quickly cooler 😄
I think OP you do just need to be clear that you aren't having a baby any time soon - deflecting attention to something she will find rewarding might be worth considering. Are you able to have a pet? Something like a slightly older cat maybe? Cats are actually very low maintenance really and can make very loving and fun pets for children old enough to handle them appropriately.