Unsure about having no.2

ToddlerMum32 · 2021-12-20T20:58:39+00:00

So any thoughts would be welcome... I am a mum to a three year old and my husband would really like us to start trying for number 2. I am 50:50 about whether I want to have another one and think part of me might be going along with it to keep him happy and give my son a sibling. Getting to the point of doing a pro-con list so any advice would be great!

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2021 08:12

My personal opinion is that to have an only child you need to be an extrovert parent or have an introvert child. Yes having two can be expensive, exhausting- but actually I think it’s more exhausting being a parent of an only child. Being their only play mate, having to always eat dinner with them, endless play dates- you can see on half term the parents of only children asking everyone to meet up.

P24VP · 21/12/2021 12:27

Hi OP, yes being mother to a one child is hard work and also extremely rewarding. Like anything every coin has two faces. What I have with my one is a very close knit relationship, very loving and understanding. We get to enjoy vacations and every day experiences with no regrets from our end that we didn’t do a good parenting job today. In fact I feel like a superwoman sometimes! My only is very independent, able to self entertain and happy. Yes we ask for playdates like previous poster said but parents of >1 child always seem eager to get rid of all kids at these playdates. Who will entertain the other kids when one goes to play! Lol.Sometimes I feel sorry for them cause they don’t get to enjoy a variety or friends or make new friends or gain new experiences because they always have to be together. So all in all considering my happy only this is working out for me. But I always have said if you have even a smidgen of doubt have 2.

RobinPenguins · 21/12/2021 12:41

I don’t agree with “giving” a child a sibling, I know it’s just a turn of phrase and I’m probably reading too much into it but children shouldn’t just exist for a sibling, they’re a person in their own right who should be wanted in their own right, not on someone else’s behalf.

If you get to a point where both you and your DH want another yourselves then have another.

It’s a different kind of tiring parenting an only child. But wonderful too. My DD is enough

Original poster

ToddlerMum32 · 21/12/2021 14:05

Thank you all for your advice, so helpful

OP posts:

Skeumorph · 21/12/2021 14:10

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

My personal opinion is that to have an only child you need to be an extrovert parent or have an introvert child. Yes having two can be expensive, exhausting- but actually I think it’s more exhausting being a parent of an only child. Being their only play mate, having to always eat dinner with them, endless play dates- you can see on half term the parents of only children asking everyone to meet up.

I agree with this.

My friends with one child have in general found parenting harder, they have to be playmate far more. Especially age 6-10. That has seemed particularly difficult.

Double3xposure · 21/12/2021 14:13

My advice is don’t have a child unless you really want one. Especially as you are the one who has to be pregnant, give birth, probably take most of the family leave and do most of the work of raising the child.

Lots of siblings hate each other and fight all the time.

It’s not something to do for someone else.

Sparkles715 · 21/12/2021 14:16

We have a 7 year age gap. We had an only and her life was great. We’ve now had a surprise baby. A baby is a wonderful thing and DD loves having a sibling but her life isn’t as great. She doesn’t have all our time, money and attention. The first year has been hard work!

Original poster

ToddlerMum32 · 21/12/2021 14:33

Thanks, I am also the main bread winner so I do worry about the impact of taking time off etc. And last time I had an emergency c-section and it took ages to recover, plus potential post natal depression (I never saw a doctor about it, but I was mentally in a bad place). I think I have a lot of worries attached to having no. 2!

OP posts:

BooseysMom · 04/01/2022 07:30

I have one DS and always wanted to try for another as I was worried DS would be lonely. Another never happened and I was so sad but was helped through it by so many lovely people here. Anyway DS is 8 now and yesterday he had a friend round to play and by the time it was time for him to go home, we were all completely fed up of him! DS just wanted him to go! He has no interest in a sibling and we've been lucky in that. I guess it would be different if he had grown up with a sibling but as things are now we are happy and content as a family of 3.

KylieKangaroo · 07/01/2022 20:59

I have a 5 year age gap and at the minute it's like having 2 only children really! I definitely didn't do it as a playmate type thing. I think it will be nice when they're older to have each other but at the same time my daughter would have been fine as an only and I would have been ok with it too. For me there was always a feeling of not being done and wanting another go at it, to see if I could do it better second time around

BooseysMom · 12/01/2022 13:41

@KylieKangaroo.. yeah I get that. I always wondered if I could do it better 2nd time round. The opportunity never arose though and I have to tell myself maybe it would hsve been just as hard, if not harder, as I'd be struggling with 2 and at 40 something too

cakedelight77 · 16/01/2022 10:27

@ToddlerMum32 just come across your post and wondering if you had made a decision yet?

I too also have a 3 year old, had an emergency c section and also felt I developed some anxiety issues post birth. Feel better now but looking back I was definitely developing some stressful issues.

My DD is an easy going toddler and a joy.

DH and I have talked about another but we are divided and then some days I'm like yes I would really like to...

It's difficult.

ToddlerMum30 · 16/01/2022 10:34

@cakedelight77 I think we will try for another one. I have to get passed my probationary at my new job and then start trying. We got pregnant pretty much straight away with my son, but I don't think it will be quite so easy this time now I'm a bit older.
Its been super helpful to hear everyone else's feedback about this to put a different perspective on things.

cakedelight77 · 16/01/2022 10:37

@ToddlerMum30 how old are you?

grey12 · 16/01/2022 10:52

@ToddlerMum32

Thanks, I am also the main bread winner so I do worry about the impact of taking time off etc. And last time I had an emergency c-section and it took ages to recover, plus potential post natal depression (I never saw a doctor about it, but I was mentally in a bad place). I think I have a lot of worries attached to having no. 2!

No matter what difficulties you go through during pregnancy and birth, they are temporary. Regret of not having another child is for the rest of your life. PILs are like that, so I have seen it first hand

I think the best reason for not wanting another child is being very comfortable and happy with what you have (whether is 0,1,2, wtv many children!!). Any niggling feelings are likely to be amplified in the future. I am very sure I'm done at 3!!!

Lily0719 · 14/05/2023 11:45

@ToddlerMum32 Hi there! We are in the same boat and I was just wondering what you decided on in the end and if you’re happy with your decision? Thank you!

alcquestion · 14/05/2023 17:46

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2021 08:12

My personal opinion is that to have an only child you need to be an extrovert parent or have an introvert child. Yes having two can be expensive, exhausting- but actually I think it’s more exhausting being a parent of an only child. Being their only play mate, having to always eat dinner with them, endless play dates- you can see on half term the parents of only children asking everyone to meet up.

Don't agree with this. I have an only and get a lot of play date requests from her friends with siblings during the holidays.