Coming to terms with just having one

[Rachel4545]

As an only child I always wanted my child to have a sibling. I have an amazing DD who is 2.5 and I really want to start trying for another one.

DH is adamant he doesn’t want another one. The lack of sleep and time to himself has always bothered him more than me. I think as well his family struggles for money so he thinks finances would be easier with one. It’s not that I don’t understand his reasons but the thought of not being pregnant again or doing weaning again for example makes me really sad. Our DD is really sociable so I think she’d love a sibling so she’s always have someone to play with on holidays etc.

How do I stop thinking “oh maybe he’ll change his mind” and being sad about the fact deep down I know he won’t?

I’m clearing out all of DD’s baby stuff at the weekend, that might help. I’m thinking of it like ripping off a plaster- do it quick and all in one go

@OP, I could have written your post. Even to the point I am planning a baby toy clear out. DH here doesn't understand why I need this resolution - the truth is, hanging onto a feeble hope is worse than grieving and then healing. He keeps saying there is a small chance he might change his mind, but I would rather move on completely ifywim.

Your daughter is only 2.5years old. I wouldn't give up hope yet. Maybe in a few years he'll feel more able to face it all again.

@Ygritte84 I think the tiny hope is worse. My DH is 100% adamant he won’t change his mind so I know that it’s not an option realistically. But there is always a tiny voice in the back of my mind going “well maybe if she starts consistently sleeping through soon he’ll change his mind” or similar.

I don’t think I’d want to wait a few years. A combination of my age and even if we started trying now there would be a 3-4 year age gap between them. I’d don’t think I’d want it any bigger.

SIL is expecting and we’ve promised our pram and crib to them so at least we haven’t got baby stuff hanging round and it’ll stay in the family.

Don't get rid of your baby things just yet OP. Your DD is still little.

Honestly it's so hard I'm one of 4 and DS is an only nearly 7. This is not how I planned my life but no partner and a big age gap realistically its not going to happen (I hate to say it).

I only just got rid of his cot this year I gave it to my best friend and I felt emotional. Ridiculous I know.. but it was actually a cot bed used from 6 months till around 3 and a half.

@Rachel4545 same here. I am 37 going for 38, and DD is 2.5. Even if I was lucky enough to conceive now, she would have a 3 year gap with her sibling. I don't think I would want to have a very big age gap and put myself through a second pregnancy after 40! I have this horrible feeling that DH might come around in a couple of years, time, when his best mates might be also having babies. But then it will be too late for me. BLOODY MEN!

I am glad your baby things are staying in the family, at least. That is quite lovely and much better than just selling them on the Internet.