Sticking at one because of not dealing with family chaos?

[GreySkiesSunshine]

I thought I was going to be a laidback mum who loves the chaos of children! DH and I talked about having 2 plus lots of dogs and the idea of household seemed to be what we wanted / were craving. However the reality of parenting hit us really really hard! The pandemic didn't help, I'm back at work (from home) managing an under one with no childcare (not in the U.K. - no childcare because of covid!)

Neither of us have dealt with the chaos well! My mental health has taking a battering, I'm on meds for anxiety and PND and honestly some days figuring out what to feed DS seems like too much and then I actually have to feed him! Which is another battle! I didn't know I hated mess! Food mess is the absolute worst! I hate sticky fingers and throwing food is a totally trigger for my mum rage! I don't show it to DS! Lots of breathing gets me through but I cannot think of doing this again! I can't wait for him to grow out of phases, I'm not nostalgic for newborn days. But I feel like a total monster most of the time!

Anyone else just not good a baby mess but enjoyed other phases? Did you stick at one? I worry about DS being lonely, im an only child and I craved the secret language of siblings, always knowing you'd have someone etc. I know that's not always what happens.

I love DS, I have tons of help, but really can't handle the daily mess.

I think the key thing is that you're trying to work whilst looking after a 1 year old, which is never going to work. Is the no childcare thing permanent, or do you think it will be back on soon?

I think once that is in place, you'll be in a much better situation.

It sounds eminently sensible for you to make the choice not to have another child, given your experiences to date and the effect the transition to being a parent - especially during COVID - has had on your mental health. I think we are often conditioned by social norms/expectations to not act in our own best interests and there is huge pressure on women particularly to have a child and then children - and then there is pressure on them to work too and to work like they aren’t parents and parent like they don’t work. Pressure, pressure, pressure. You know you and your circumstances best and you I am sure know the best things for you as your family. It really doesn’t matter what has or hasn’t worked for anyone else because a lot of variables will be different in their lives.

Everyone has a stage they dislike about parenting, but once you are passed it, it's so so easy to forget how hard that part was and I think that's why people go on to have another!

I never suffered with MH but did find that messy stage with a baby during lockdown particularly hard because there was no escape (for me it was back at the beginning of the pandemic when we were on 1hr walks per day). It would have been much easier to get out and about and not just feel like it was a merry go round of mess, cleaning,mess! My now 2yo is still a bit messy but also likes to help clean up and loves washing her hands so that makes it a bit easier now