In utter agony

[Lockeddownagain]

My daughter is 8 we had a tricky start and 5 years past were no one slept more than 3hours qt q time everything was effected and there was no why a second baby was coming we tried on and off for 3 years but things keep getting in the way
I turned 40 this since and I've been ill most of the year so there been no chance.
I've realised hope utterly devested and in pain I an about not having another child but my husband just gets qgngry at me cos he sees it as me saying we are frap.pqrents when I say I think her behaviours related to loniless or boredom it's really causing problems our marriage hasn't always been easy. But I'm so angry about it I even feel anger towards my child sometimes cos I think you'd slept I might have got my other baby. Her and her dad are friends they walk together when we are out play and laugh and I feel so lonely it's not going to happen so how do I make peace with it for the last 5years I've been clinging to one day but that seems to have gone
Thanks for helping x

I understand your pain over not having another baby when you wanted one, and think you need to grieve that appropriately.

However, I don’t think anger at your daughter and husband will help. And I don’t think it’s helpful to say your daughter’s difficulties are caused by not having a sibling - if she is lonely or bored then she needs company and stimulation, which a newborn baby is unlikely to provide her. If anything difficult behaviour is likely to heighten with a new sibling in the mix.

It's not your daughters sleep pattern that prevented you from having another baby, you chose not to as you weren't sleeping and were already exhausted. It's not healthy to blame her, or direct your anger to her or your husband.
I agree you need to grieve appropriately for the child you didn't have.

Sounds like you need counselling to put things in perspective- even better still, family counselling with your DH. A new baby won't suddenly be your friend! You can't blame your daughter because you didn't try for another baby. Her being bored won't be solved by a new baby either.

You aren't too old to consider a baby, but you need to get yourself sorted out first.

Sleep deprivation is so hard and going through 5 years of it would have been really exhausting both physically and emotionally. If you’d always ‘planned’ to have another and now that doesn’t seem to be a possibility that is also a lot of grief to process. It is lonely when you don’t have someone you feel you can truly share your grief with in fear of their judgement/reaction. I would try reaching out to a counsellor to help you. All the best!

Why is it too late? Plenty of women have children in their 40s

It wasn't your fault, it turned out how it did, and it affected you massively, sleep deprivation for that long is going to affect your health in a big way and your relationship i can't imagine how hard that was for all of you! Your bound to have felt constantly exhausted and I'll most of the time finding energy and time and strength also to go through that again would likely have felt impossible, it's totally undertandable. There would never be a guarantee that another would make things better or they'd get along and you could also end up with the same issue again too, you'd hope not but you don't know. I went through an exhausting sleep deprivation with our daughter it was awful in that run down & still ill constantly, I'm nearly 37 but I could not risk putting myself through that again as I know there is a chance it could possibly make my health worse. I always wanted another but when I honestly look bk so far at how it's been I just don't think I could go through that again,
It may not be exactly the same but if it was...I just couldn't take that risk, we are though very lucky we have the one and I always think about this now. I saw a lady today on her own with two young boys she looked so incredibly fed up, exhausted, ages 4 and a baby in pram, both upset crying loudly, when you're just starting to come out of that time & knew so well it was a very difficult time, wouldn't want to risk going there again. Everyone's experience is very different and babies are too, don't be hard on yourself though and it'll take some x x x

It posted before I checked it over - but seeing that lady today, I realised how hard it was with one, I couldn't imagine how hard she was finding it and with two I could only imagine like how hard it was x 2! it doesn't turn out the same for everyone and that's hard to accept I think when you see many more families with 2 and they all look so happy, we don't know if they were easy babies, do they get a lot of help, is their partner more hands on than ours, do they have one part time working etc etc. Lots of people replied bk to me on a post I made about will my only be lonely, we're you an only and did you feel lonely? A lot said they were fine as onlys, a lot said they pleaded for a sibling but realised they just needed more olay dates and possibly having a sibling would have been irritating lol and many said as they got older they didn't keep in touch with their siblings and sorting older parental stuff out was complicated with many siblings involved. I feel your pain and upset, it's just how it turns out sometimes and you had no bearing on how it affected you, focus on living your only child much as you can and feel good knowing they have all of you to themselves. I hope this helps and sorry if I went off topic anywhere x x x

Some people posted who had siblings that were not onlys and many said they didn't have close relationships with their siblings. Some said they wished they were onlys as found their sibling bloody irritating 😵‍💫 you have to think about you also and your partner, I'm knackered after what I went through I couldn't personally do it again as much as I'd love to snd think I could manage it 'if' I had one of those easy babies, but it's a big IF x x