Will I ever be happy with my decision (that I haven't made yet)

[ivfbabymomma1]

Firstly I know that no one can answer this for me... but if anyone can give me their experiences or any general advise I would be grateful! 🙏🏽🙏🏽

Backstory: I gave birth to my son in 2019 through ivf (first round, first attempt etc it just worked) I was 31 when I had my son. Married to his dad etc etc

Now I really can't decide if I want to try for another baby. In a dream world I would love to, I love babies etc but the reality is I'm not too sure. Now I know millions of women cope fine with 2 but I'd worry I wouldn't. I'm fine with my son, normally pregnancy no PND etc but I'm an anxious person. But then I don't want my son to have no family growing up. But then I worry about the financial side? But I could manage?

I'm waffling, I just don't know what to do. It bothers me every second of every day not having a decision...

I should add we paid for our ivf which came to around 14k as we paid for 3 rounds but the first one worked so we lost the remaining 2 rounds so we would need to pay for another round which is just shy of £2k

My whole life hit the skids when I had dc2

I just typed out a big essay and then deleted it. It's not relevant. one child made ma happy and I thoguht more children more happy. No.

I'm sorry to hear that! I think I'm the same with regards to more kids more happy! I just don't want to regret not doing it later down the line, but then who knows! Thanks for your reply :)

You still have several years to decide. Why not park it for a while and revisit it later. Don't worry about age gaps, just do what's right for you. Fwiw our babies are ivf babies, I think it makes the decision harder as it's so much faff and uncertainty and very difficult both emotionally and physically.

I'd say if you are prone to worrying and agonising over decisions, you will probably never be "happy" whatever you decide. Meaning, if you are you of the 'what if' persuasion, you'll probably still always wonder, even after having taken this decision.

How do you approach big(gish) decisions in life? This one should be taken the same way.

FWIW, I would try to get it out of your mind, for a few months at least. Sometimes decisions make themselves, and feeling less anxious about it can only be a good thing.

Good luck!

It's a tough one. I have one DC, conceived through 3 rounds of IVF. We wanted another, so had a further 5 rounds after he turned 18 months, but had 2 BFNs and 3 MC. We decided not to try again, which was incredibly painful at the time, but now that I have more distance I can appreciate the positives of an only child. We make sure he has plenty of playdates, and that he sees family/cousins regularly. We'll be able to help him onto the housing ladder, and pay for his university fees. He has lots of love and attention.

@Scottishgirl85

You still have several years to decide. Why not park it for a while and revisit it later. Don't worry about age gaps, just do what's right for you. Fwiw our babies are ivf babies, I think it makes the decision harder as it's so much faff and uncertainty and very difficult both emotionally and physically.

I agree with this. It's loads harder when it's IVF, for several reasons.

Once you're out of the baby phase you might decide you're done with one. Or not. But you have options (assuming your AMH and AFC are normal).

My DD was born when I was 40. My husband and I talked about having another, but for no specific reason in particular we never actively tried, and as a result DD is an only child. Now 7 years later it's of course too late. We are a very happy family unit. Sometimes I feel sad that DD doesn't have a sibling, but I don't think she feels sad at all really apart from it being a thing that she doesn't have in common with her best friend (who in turn feels sad because she doesn't have a dog!). Do I regret not having another? Not really. Sometimes. For us I think on balance it was the right way to go for many reasons, but had we decided to grow our family then I'm sure that would have been fine too. Different but fine. That wasn't very helpful was it!

Thank you so much for your all thoughts and opinions. I think that's all I need really just for someone to talk me through things so thank you.

Ivf definitely makes it more difficult. Our embryos are frozen and ready to go in that aspect but mentally it's challenging. If we could conceive naturally I'd maybe just see what direction life took but having to make a conscious decision makes me over think.

And now I approach big life decisions, I normally get a gut feeling but for some reason I'm not with this :(

I only have 1 child he’s now 7 and I really regret not giving him a sibling. I kept putting it off as I wanted to loose the baby weight and before I knew it I was 40 fat and unhappy I never had another one. I think the age gap would now be too big and my son would resent another child. I don’t know anyone who regrets another child.