Is it time for another?

[OrmondM]

I feel a bit torn.

I come from a family of 6 but my partner had only him and his sister.

We have our son who's almost 3, we've just gotten engaged but with a house move etc I'm thinking we'll not be able to afford a wedding for another 3/4 years. However, if we wait until we're married our son will be 8 before we have another baby. Is that a huge gap & will we regret not having another sooner? Or if it's difficult to conceive & we can't have more children will our son wish he wasn't an only child?

On the other side I worry if we have more children now we'll never be able to save for a wedding!
Any advice from people that had a similar predicament?

Hi, I waited and regretted it. Tbf we weren't allowed to have kids where we were living and so had to move out after having DS. It took ages to be in the position to buy a house and by this time I was too old to have a second although we tried and I longed for a baby again.
On the plus side DS is a happy and content 7yo and never asks for a sibling or says he's lonely. He's quite happy just the three of us. Or 3 plus hamster!!
Good luck x

If you want another child I would go for it now. Having an 8 year gap will be so impractical. We had our eldest much sooner than was ideal, and we decided to have our second 3 years later. Our opinion was well we've started now so let's commit to it, it meant we weren't able to buy our house until our youngest was 3 but it was the right thing to do to prioritise the age gap we wanted. Finances will come and go, age gaps are only sorted once. (We were financially stable just to reiterate, just not in the "optimum" position).

If you want to be be married you don't need to pay for a wedding, marriage is cheap! I definitely wouldn't prioritise a wedding day over a second child, I would have a registry wedding, complete your family, and maybe have a party down the line if that's what you'd like.

Definitely do a quick legal wedding, then have another child if you want one.

Marriage is legal protection for you and your DC, and it means you would be your fiancé's next of kin rather than his parents. It's more than just a piece of paper.

You can always have a big wedding party years later, have a renewal of vows (you don't need to tell anyone you're already legally wed).

Is a big wedding really necessary? Given you have a child and are getting a house, I would think that you'd want to save the money. I wouldn't have another without getting married, so just go to the registry. You can have an amazing holiday for your 5 year anniversary.

Second what everyone had said, don't wait, you never know how easy or not easy it will be until you try for number 2 so really don't wait.

Also just go to the registry office and have a big party if you want to later. Weddings are lovely but it's one day which everyone (including you) forgets and it can be so much money.

I agree with PPs - if you are sure you want a child, don't wait x

Quick, cheap and legal wedding. Have second child asap and throw massive anniversary party hosted by the 4 of you at some point down the line in lieux of the Big Wedding. You can't square all of your considerations so you're going to need to compromise and imo that one is the one least likely to derail serious elements of your life (but is probably the one yoiu are most likely to shy away from for emotional reasons).

I can't begin to understand how anyone could put more value on a party than having a wanted child.

Having a 7 yr age gap is like raising two only children- 14yr olds and 7 yr olds rarely like the same thing, diff weekend activities etc.
If you want a baby have one- as for the wedding just get married, I wouldn’t prioritise a party over a child if I wanted a second.

Weddings are lovely but it's one day which everyone (including you) forgets

^ this isn't my experience at all. However, given you can't do both I would definitely get legally married and if you are blessed with another child plan a party then.

Your ds will be fine as an only child if that's what you want, but if you want another child, then that's a separate issue.

If you want to get married, you don't have to spend a fortune. Do a basic registry office wedding, you can still have the party in a few years if you choose.

@WTF475878237NC

Well you've clearly got a better memory than me because our wedding was lovely but it went in a flash and I really don't remember most of it

If you want another...I'd do it asap...the sooner you do it, the more likely your DC will be playmates and grow up together. If you wait years, you're effectively raising two only children. Have a quickie legal wedding and a huge party when you can afford it

@OrmondM how old are you OP? If you really want a child I would prioritise that over a wedding.