Secondary Infertility

[Booboosweet]

I'm interested in hearing from parents who have one child not by choice, but due to secondary infertility like me. I was wondering have you come to terms with it now? I have a very happy little 7 year old dd who's never asked for a sibling and I've learned to count my blessings. However I had a tough few years there coming to terms with no bfp. I'm 40 and there's still a small chance it could happen but I've had to accept it's not looking likely. I did look into IVF but it's just not affordable and I definitely don't want to go into debt for a second child. How have you coped with secondary infertility?

@Booboosweet... I read your post with great interest. I also have a happy 7 year old who has no interest in a sibling. We had him late and another never happened for us. I'm always beating myself up over not trying harder but we were in a bad rented house and maybe if we had our own house at that point we could have had another but by the time that happened I was 45.
At 40 you do still have time though. I had DS just 3 months off 41. Don't delay! I did this and regret it. I truly feel that I have been denied the freedom of planning a family..but it was likely my own fault and I now have to live with the guilt.
On a positive note though, I feel blessed to have DS and am learning the advantages of having one.
Wishing yon happiness x

Aw thanks Booseysmom! It's lovely to chat to someone in the same position! It's great having a lovely little 7 year old, isn't it? I did some preliminary fertility testing when we were looking into ivf and I think they found that my egg production was fairly low, so I'm not overly optimistic about conceiving naturally. I feel fairly accepting of my life. We have a good quality of life just the three of us. I still get some little pangs of jealousy at times. My neighbour has had her third and other neighbours have 2 and 4. I guess it feels different having one but not through choice versus it being an active choice. It can be tough, can't it?

@Booboosweet.. yes it's really hard and there's so much stigma attached to the only child thing. I will always remember when we first moved into the area and an old lady from a bungalow there started chatting to me and DS and she actually said he needs to play with the other kids in the area (never mind we actually didn't know anyone at that time) as if thinking 'oh an only child . he must be lonely '. People are so presumptuous and hurtful without realising. They don't consider why there are only children.
Yes it's tough when you see friends having their second and third. I've hit peri menopause and it's horrendous trying to come to terms with having no more. I am really trying to be positive though and count my blessings

I'm in exactly the same situation. Not sure if I'm perimenopausal yet but it can't be far away! As you say, I just try to be grateful for what I have.

@Booboosweet.. I'm def peri menopausal now. We were ttc for ages but no joy. It's tough but I'm feeling more at peace now than I have for a long time. We will be fine won't we, and we can always pop on here for support when it gets tough..I love knowing that

So my story is I have a lovely 6 year old, tried to have another for years - it was frustrating. I had three miscarriages but one was before my first, so I didn't qualify for help as they weren't consecutive. I had 18 months of infertility between 2nd and 3rd miscarriage but got pregnant the week we were referred to the fertility clinic, but lost that one at 8 weeks. Then Covid hit, I had my 44th birthday and we kind of gave up. At 45 I'm having to accept that we won't have another. One of the most difficult things is that my son is desperate for a sibling - particularly tough during lockdown. I'd like to say I've made my peace with it, but I'm not sure I have. I sold his crib this morning and that was hard. So I guess I just wanted to say I understand how tough it is. I'm not sure I have any answers though! It's hard because when I google around I can't find much online about dealing with secondary infertility and accepting it - all the websites are either aimed at people who have primary infertility, or offer advice on how to get pregnant again (which ain't going to happen now for me). And people can say such hurtful things about only kids. I read quite a good book called "The Reality Slap" (can't remember author right now!) but that was about learning to accept bad stuff that happens (not specifically infertility) and dealing with your mental health. I found that quite helpful.