Separation anxiety in mothers

[24601mary]

...just that really! Wondering if anyone had any experience of this?
Me and my husband have a 2 year old. I work 2 days a week from home due to covid - my MIL plays with daughter downstairs whilst I work upstairs . So the time spent apart is very limited.

I have to really force myself to have time away from her - I am fine if I know she is asleep and my mum sits downstairs whilst me and my husband go out for a meal . I am also fine if we leave her at the MILs for a few hours whilst me and husband have some time together during the day. But I hate the thought of leaving her with my husband for them to have fun times somewhere without me whilst I do something for me. There's plenty of things I used to enjoy - visiting London, going to the west end, meeting friends , shopping on my own - there are lots of things I should enjoy and USED to love doing . I now look at those things with dread!! Is it fear of missing out with my daughter and husband ? It's not that I don't trust my husband because of course I absolutely do, it's more guilt being away having fun in my own without them?! Does that make any sense and can anyone relate ?

Yes, you feel that you should be 100% available. but the fact is, if you are 100% available, then your mental health will suffer and that's not just bad for you...it's bad for your DD too.

You MUST look after yourself. That includes going out alone sometimes.

I was the same with my first baby but it did get better. It's also important for your DH too...he should have bonding time with his DD.

@FortunesFave thank you for your reply :)
Can I ask when you found it got better with your first child and was there anything significant that happened that made it get easier?

I'll be honest and tell you it was when she started nursery. Which was very hard for me. I was extremely anxious about it and worried constantly about how she was without me and if she'd make friends etc.

However, the separation was definitely good for me. So after 3, I was better about her going off with her Dad without me.

@FortunesFave I can understand that completely. My little girl starts at preschool for 4 mornings a week in September and I have been so looking forward to it as I anticipate that whilst I am going to be feeling incredibly nervous about it , it's going to be such a massive step for us both and is going to be really healthy for us both. I am nervous that 4 mornings are going to be really tiring for her and might be too much but have to keep remembering that other children her age made smaller go for much longer days and I am sure she will adapt and get used to it over time.
I'll be working during the mornings she is at preschool so I am looking forward in the future to potentially booking time off work so that I can drop her at preschool and then go off and have a morning to myself if I want , knowing that she is in safe hands .
I really hope that will be the turning point for this anxiety which is just annoying now lol

Just remember that she's far more capable than you might think...she'll make lovely little friends too.x