Bullying Issues in Primary School

[Hawtain86]

Hi everyone,

My 10 year old son has had some trouble in school this year with some horrible boys. Unfortunately they are part of his friendship group. They call him a retard, humiliate him in front of his peers on a regular basis, deliberately exclude him from conversations, they have made fun of him having eczema and called him ‘gay’ for being gluten free. He’s coming home upset more frequently, begging me not to take him to school and doesn’t eat his lunch on the worst days.

He’s a very nice sweet kid and it doesn’t matter how much I beg him to stick up for himself it’s just not in him, he hasn’t got a malicious bone in his body and won’t say anything. They made him cry the other day which has embarrassed and ashamed him further.

I want to speak to the school but he has begged me not to he says it’ll only ostracise him further and cause more embarrassment for him.

I’m at a loss what to do. Obviously I have told him to stay away from these boys. I would consider moving schools but worry that because of his nice nature he’ll be walked all over again and he’ll be a easy target for more bullies.

I was thinking about sending an anonymous letter to the school naming these boys to make them aware.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated I really don’t know how to handle this and help him. Anyone have any experience with anything similar and how did you improve things?

Thank you x

I would contact the school - you can do this by telephone so that your son doesn't know. His 'friends' sound horrible.

Children always worry that if they say something it will get worse, but if you think about it, what could be worse than your son's current experience?

In my experience, the school will have come across similar problems and should will know how to tackle them.

Hi, that sounds awful. I would explain to your son that you think its very important that you contact the school and explain why. You need to keep him safe, his mental well being and happiness are your priority and that it really can't make things worse. I wouldn't do it without his knowledge or input for 2 reasons. Firstly, he needs to see you model how to tackle issues firmly and with confidence and secondly he needs to know he can always rely on you.

Be very clear with the school about the outcomes you want too. Good luck!

Please say something.
My now 16 year old was bullied in year 6. He kept most of it hidden and I didn't realise how bad it was. When I did, I went to the school and talked to them but they didn't really address it properly. As it was so close to the end of his time there, I decided to leave it and just try and help him through it as best I could.
That's the single biggest regret I have in my parenting journey. He's fine and a confident great young man now but it really affected him going into year 7 and making friends in the new school etc.
What I think he learned though was that, when he needed me, I didn't try hard enough to make things better for him and I didn't fight for him; I think he's less inclined to talk about problems he might be facing. I hope the last few years have helped him see that he can ask for help and get it but I do think we let him down badly when he needed more from us.

On a general level I would focus on giving him plenty of emotional support and build his confidence - this’ll help him get over this quicker and make more genuine friends in time

Of course you phone the school. Your boy is only 10. He's doing his best but this is one of the times you need to step in.

You don't need / want to report it anonymously - it is so much easier for the school if they have the full facts (as you know them) and are alerted to keep a special watch out for your DS.

When a parent would write or ring with a similar concern and say their child did not want them to say anything, we would avoid doing anything that might suggest we had been told. So we wouldn't take the child to one side and ask for their side of the story, or take the bullies and tell them to leave X alone.

Instead, we might do a refresher on bullying in PSHE for the whole class - what it is and the consequences for both victims and bullies. Alongside, all staff would be supervigilant for the interactions between named bullies and your DS, and intervene straight away to what appeared low level stuff - 'discovering' the issue ourselves on the back of the PSHE.

Then we could talk to your DS about the incident and ask if it was part of a wider problem, and address the bullying behaviour directly with the bullies.

Schools are used to this - give them the heads up. As a PP said, try to sort it now so that your DS has happy memories of Y6 and is confident before transition to Secondary.