Changing my mind on wanting another after 6 years or is this a phase?

[NSM8719]

I have a DS who is 6 years old, before having him I always thought we would have 2 but then he came along and had silent reflux, cried non stop for 6 months, never slept well for a year, was a hyperactive mischievous boy who was constantly a handful. I think I probably had undiagnosed PND and really did not enjoy the first few years between that, living in a remote town with no groups for babies or young kids, having in-laws and visitors turn up unannounced etc. I always said after this I was absolutely not having any more DC as I found it all a huge struggle first time round.
6 years on and we have moved to a new town 1 year ago, DS is about to go into P2 after the summer, he is still quite a boisterous child and hard work but also so caring with babies and desperate for a brother or sister. We have no family around to help out (but also none around to appear unannounced either). I have more friends here and there are (pre covid) plenty baby groups around here. Just in the last couple of weeks I have found myself thinking about having another out of nowhere and now I cant seem to get it out of my head. My husband would be happy to have had second and would of done so years ago but I was always the one to say no. But now I wonder if this is just a phase and I should forget about it since I struggled so much the first time round - maybe I am forgetting how hard it really was to think I could cope again. I feel like we have our lives back quite a bit, we like to go on holiday (again pre covid) and have days out, I work while my DS is at school in a job that can be extremely busy and stressfull, it also can involve travel and I am quite career driven but I have a good work and home balance. We don't have to pay nursery fees anymore and things are generally much easier than when he was a baby but I find myself not wanting to turn our larger spare bedroom into an office as i'm thinking we should keep it for another child, not wanting to through out my son's old baby toys since we might need them or I see photos of families of 4 and think I would like that to be us. I think if we were to have another then now would be a good time to start trying as I wouldn't want an even bigger age gap which would already be 7 years, I am currently 33 so not too concerned on the age side.
I'm not sure what i'm asking here but needed somewhere to put my thoughts and see if anyone else had been in the same situation. Did you have another and regret it? Is a 7 year age gap going to be a nightmare for doing things together? I am just going through a phase that will go away?

I had a very similar experience with my first, very challenging high needs baby, a long hospital stay, and I suspect like you undiagnosed PND. I have a smaller age gap (3.5 years) as I’m older and it was now it never to have a sibling.
I now have 7 week old twins and I can honestly say that it isn’t as hard as it was with my first. I’m more relaxed, I’ve let my standards slip a bit and I know that the fussy newborn stage passes eventually.
One of my twins is high needs like my first, and the other is a placid, content baby. If I just had the placid baby I’d find it really easy.
If your DH is a hands on dad and happy to have another I think I’d go for it. You may even enjoy it second time around, especially if it’s your last baby.

Life is too short, I think you should have another baby.

If i was in your position, I would have another baby

I have a 7 year age gap between my 2. It was ok but DC2 was and still is a handful. Eldest DC is at college now and I'm gradually trying to get back to more work but can't go full time for another couple years. If you're having doubts then listen to them, you know you can't just change your mind once DC2 is here and it's whether you can face going back to the baby/toddler stage now that you've come out the other side with DC1. I would strongly advise that you give this a lot of thought as I assume you will be the one doing the bulk of care for another baby. Best of luck in whatever you decide

Thank you all, yes my husband is a hands on dad but hes out working from 6am till 6pm Monday to Friday so i would embe the one doing the bulk of the caring.

Its such a huge decision and one that i thought i had already made a long time ago but now im not so sure...

We have a similiarish age gap - similar scenario in some ways - traumatic birth for both of us - very difficult first 2 years - no family available to help - v v boisterous first child with some minor but time consuming health issues, working FT with a lengthy commute etc probably undiagnosed PND - husband who had to work away

Anyway we did have second child and weird as it may sound i found it FAR easier having the 2 of them than i did having just the one even despite husband being away and no family support etc even the baby stage was fine with looking after an older child

i think a few factors -

1. someone once said there are 2 types of experiences of early motherhood if you found your first one overwhelming then adding one more is less stressful eg the shift to being a parent and the restrictions it brings is the big thing and then you have become used to it. whereas if you found it easy having one then adding more can be an issue etc i was definitely in the first group.(i also accept this is a huge generalisation)
2. i had a relatively stress free second birth
3. second child was just more chilled out and less boisterous
4. having 2 meant as time went on they became playmates and at least some of the time entertained each other leaving us a bit more free time.
5. oldest child adored their younger sibling

this is my individual experience - i respect others have different experiences but i see a few areas of common ground so i shared

I get what you mean, first time round was all a huge shock to the system, we were planning for a baby but had no idea what was to come. Atleast if we went for another i would have much more an idea (althought this is what also puts me off). Why cant they just come along sleeping all night from day 1 🤣

You will breeze through it with the second and your older child will love helping you. I think you should definitely go for it.