Are you content with only one child?

[Alicatt8]

I’m in desperate need of advice as this is an ongoing issue that has really been getting to me mentally and emotionally to the point that I have now arranged counselling for myself. I have an amazing 8 year old son who I love very much. He’s from a previous relationship which didn’t last long. I also fell pregnant with him too while studying at university so it was a challenging time all round but I’m proud so say that I got through it all and managed to be a single mum and train to be a teacher at the same time.

Things are now much more settled in my life and I have a fantastic partner who both my son and I love very much. We’ve been together for two years and he’s due to move in with me soon however the difficulty is that he is adamant he doesn’t want any children. This plays on my mind greatly as if he’s with me I perceive him as having a child as he’s taken on my son too. His argument is that my son is past the baby phase and much easier to manage to he enjoys his company which I understand but I still feel this yearning for another child and I’m desperate to have the ‘normal’ experience of having a child (not being at university and a single mum!).

I to and fro regularly between feeling ungrateful and ridiculous about the situation and that I should just be content with what I have but on the flip side I feel this strong yearning to have another child. It doesn’t help matters that my brother and two other close friends are currently pregnant and I’m at the age when a lot of my friends are moving forward in ways that I want to it’s hard not to compare.

I guess I want to know is if people have experienced anything similar? Or if people thought they wanted more children but chose to settle with one and if so, why? Any help would be amazing as I’m currently really struggling emotionally and need some other perspectives on the matter. Thanks in advance mums 💜

I was in the very same position. Pregnant and a single parent at uni, chose not to have more kids. Then I met DH and we agreed to no kids together. Things changed when we got married and we decided to have one together. With such a large age gap it’s been like having two very different experiences and both have been challenging but I like the way it worked out. Youngest is now 9 and it’s nice having a family together. maybe things will change but if you have your heart set on more kids then you need to explain that to your partner.

Thank you for your reply. I have spoken to my partner and he is still adamant he doesn’t answer children as he said babies just don’t appeal to him. I’ve tried explaining how amazing it is and yes it’s challenging but it all goes so quickly and there is no budging. What I’m struggling with is that I’m so happy in every other way with him and I’ve never been happier in a relationship but this feels like it could potentially be a deal breaker. It’s interesting that you say things changed when you were married. Do you know what changed your minds? And do you kind me asking what the age difference is between your children?

We had DS when we were 19/20. He's 9 this year. For whatever reason baby no2 never happened despite miscarriages.

We are very content with only the one and plan our future with just the one.

Who knows if it happens, it happens.

Maybe the same one day for you and DP? If not and your 1000% you want another then I'd probably reconsider your relationship before you get any further involved.

Personally I would stick to the one, the age gap will be a huge problem as will the changed dynamic in the household.

We had a second child when DD was 9, abc although he's dearly loved it has made for a tricky few years. We can no longer go to the places that DD would enjoy because the younger one can't join in and it's the opposite if we do things that the younger one enjoys. We find ourselves doing different things with a child each rather than all being able to do the same thing, even going to the cinema as a family rarely works.

I am very happy with one, only ever wanted one. DH has always respected that, and having more would have taken too much out of us, financially and organisationally. I'm an only child and an orphan myself, but DH has two older sisters - there's an 8-year and 5-year gap, and the eldest was always a bit more like a semi-parent to him, they weren't playmates.

If you really want another child and your partner really doesn't, you do need to make your decision soon and not let it drag on unresolved, as other posters have said. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I couldn't have more than one due to secondary infertility, but I'm very content actually. I had always wanted two, so it isn't what I had planned, but if I could go back and do my time again, knowing what I know now, I would choose now to only have the one in any case.

Hello and congratulations on finding a DP that your son and you love and enjoy spending time with.
From what I understand he considers your son, a friend, he is not a baby, so they can do stuff together, play, have fun, but he doesn't see himself having this relationship with a baby (obviously).
I would love a second child, I'm ttc a little baby brother/sister for my son for a couple of years now without success, but I understand the difficulties our family is going to face if and when the 2nd baby comes.
If the main reasoning behind a 2nd child is to have a better experience this time over, think about it very well because every situation is not the same. It's not like everything will be perfect, problems will arise (they always do). What I'm trying to say is, think well before you act, changing what you have now -a good life like you said- for a dream.

How is your brother pregnant?

I’ve only got one, wanted six. One tirned out to be perfect, but I think thats because I don’t have a partner.

Do you worry that your family bond will not be strong enough if you don’t have a child with your new man?

I'm very happy with my one child. He's 40 now and never wanted siblings.

I think if you definitely want more children and he definitely doesn't that's a deal breaker, it is likely to lead to resentment and issues further down the line - I have been through similar.

I love having one child for so many reasons!

1. Never have to be pregnant again
2. Never have to give birth again
3. Never have to endure sleepless nights
4. Never have to cope with PND again
5. Never have to faff with car seats again
6. Not have to fork out for child care again
7. People are more willing to babysit 1
8. We have more money to spend on our child.
9. One to one quality time

10. My child never goes without - we would struggle if we had more 11. We can afford for her to do lots of clubs - she does art, swimming, horse riding and brownies.

My list is honestly endless

People should not look at one child families as a negative- I think it’s brilliant 🤩