Fed up of reactions from others to just wanting 1

[Moowcowk]

I have 1 DS, he is 8 months old. I always knew I only ever wanted 1 and I'm content still with the thought of just having 1.. I'm giving it a year or more to fully decide before taking measure to make it a permanent decision.

When people ask me when am I having another, and I say never, I am met with the onslaught of 'it's too early to decide' 'you'll change your mind' 'he needs company' 'it's not fair to deny him a bro or sis'.

Quite frankly I want to tell them to piss off.

How have others delt with this? Why is it anybodies business??? Gah!!

Yeah I have an 8 week old and had an awful traumatic birth and now think I might have PND, just trying to survive and people keep saying, "When you have your next one..." Or things like that. When I say I can't even contemplate that right now and may never want another one people say, "Everyone says that but nature makes you forget the bad bits."

Do what you want to do OP. I think it's better to enjoy what you have. Only have another baby if it's what you want - ignore the noise.

Please speak to your midwife or GP lovely, it's not bloody easy. In time I hope you are able to come to terms with the birth experience you had.

My experience was awful and I definitely wouldn't want to do it again, people need to remember we are not baby machines!

It’s just conversation and I’m guessing it’s something you are sensitive about for it to bother you so much. After all, if you have two boys or two girls there would be comments about how it’s a shame they are the same sex. If you have one boy and one girl someone will comment that it’s ideal. If you have three, you’ll get comments about the environment and overpopulation etc. People always comment; it’s just what the do. All you can control is your reaction and why you are sensitive about it.

I was always sure I wanted one, but I’ve seen the way my DD interacts with other kids and it makes me open up to having more.
People are just nosey and love asking what is actually a really inappropriate question. They just can’t help themselves and don’t realise how insensitive they’re being.
You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. Just smile and brush it off, or be honest and say nah I’m done. They won’t be the ones doing all the pregnancy, birth and then lifetime of financial commitment and worry. With kids, people just love to impart their wisdom… hang in there x

Thanks @Sixofseven!

@BlueSurfer I really just was having a rant, you're right people will always say things. I'm a very very sensitive person so I always take everything to heart, need to finally learn to brush things off!

I had secondary infertility and got these comments all the time. People are so fucking insensitive and like to stick their noses in where they really don't belong. Thankfully, the comments stopped coming after a few years.

FWIW, although it wasn't what I had planned, having an only child is awesome, and I wouldn't change it now for the world. She's nearly sixteen now, and she has always loved being an only child. She has tons of friends and isn't lonely!

I just say hmm, then change the subject! People stop saying it after a while, my DS is almost 6 now, and turns out he has additional needs as we suspected when he was younger so I'm 3ven happier in our decision to stay at one child!

Yep. DD is 5 now and I still get asked when I'm going to have another. It's like people don't take me seriously when I say I'm not interested.
So far the only person to accept my decision is my mom.
I've been told I'm selfish for only having 1. That DD will have a terrible life, be lonely and resent me for not giving her a sibling. Ridiculous.
I wouldn't mind so much if it was a one off conversation with people but it seems to be all the time like it's anyone elses business.

I don't know if it helps to know that it doesn't matter how many kids you have people will always ask if you'll have more.
it's tedious.

I had 6 people asking me on my wedding day within the hour of saying "I do" if we plan to have kids and how many🙄
wtaf?? what is it with people and their rubbernecking?

I have a lot of friends with one child, most of them simply can't have more children and I'd get so cross on their behalf when they used to tell me their tales of woe, being pestered, judged, criticised, belittled, their valid reasons being dismissed (not that those reasons anyone's fucking business!)

so to all who has to deal with being bothered I'm so sorry. You really shouldn't have to explain yourselves to anyone.
Hugs

I honestly do not understand why people get so nosy! Whether you want, don't want, can or cannot have children is something that people should not feel free to comment on!
I have heard so many comments while on a relationship like "So, when are you going to start a family? Why haven't you already? Is something worng? You're not getting any younger you know..." and they didn't even stop to consider how difficult it was for me to handle all this critisism!
Now, I have decided that I definately want a baby, I am single, I am taking steps to start IVF, and when people say "Aw... Why did you leave him. You will never find another one in time to get pregnant" I just reply that "I am going to create it on my own! And yes, I do know for some it takes two to create a tiny human, but I am strong enough that I can do it alone", and just leave them puzzled like this!
When are we going to grow as a society and just support people without making them feel horrible and on the spot?

People are dumb, just ignore them! I was startled to be asked about having another child more or less as soon as DS was born! Some people I was upfront with and said, "No, he's enough for me", others I would just smile and say "Well, maybe..." and not engage any further.

I started to tell my dad that i'd have another if he paid me! I told him it would have to be enough to cover my loss of earnings.
He soon stopped asking.
Sorry that was probably no help at all

I've answered a variety of:
No, no plans for more.
Then next addition to our family will have four paws.
Only if advances in medical science mean DH can have the next one.
OH GOOD GOD NO!
Get your nose out of my uterus.
What business is it of yours?

Depending on the situation.

I had a lovely pregnancy, horrific birth, injuries still pissing me off 10+ years later.

Our DS is fab, has loads of friends, can share, hears 'no', helps cook, halps with the dog, wicked sense of humour, hates maths, trilingual, likes running about, likes the sofa, loves nature, loves Fortnite. Just an all round amazing kid, struggling with the after effects of Spanish lockdown and fucked up school year, as many other kids. Suddenly scared of the dark, lost a lot of confidence.

Anyhoo, we don't use 'only child' we use 'unique'

He has never asked for a sibling, not once. And neither DH nor I have regretted our decision.

I used to say to everyone who asked about a 2nd baby that 1 is plenty for me. Then they would look at my perfect content little DD and change the subject.

It took me nearly 7 years to decide to have a 2nd and I sometimes wished that I stuck to 1 child when DS screamed 23 hours a day

Lovely to hear so many positives about having one child. My DS is 7 and has never asked for a sibling either. Like others here I had a great pregnancy but a bad birth which put me off ttc plus I was 41 and knackered from lack of sleep!
I find it's family who come out with the hurtful comments. My sis in law who I never hear from now (oh we'll help you don't worry!!...mmmm! ) said I had to have another as you can't just have one. I was still recovering from being torn during the birth as DS got stuck! Then a year or so later she said I was way too old to have another. What if it had disabilities? I would be insane to try! I'm very glad we don't talk any more