Only child anxiety

[CheeseIsMyJam]

DS is 2, we are unable to have another.

I have always been on the anxious side, and I had postnatal anxiety when DS was born. But since I've known he is going to be our only child, I feel like my anxiety about him is getting worse. All children are precious of course, but there's something about knowing he is our only that just makes him even more so. I know it is making me over anxious and over protective of him, and I am worried it will only get worse as he gets older. I don't want to stop him from doing things because I am nervous or scared of him getting hurt. Maybe this sounds a bit OTT but I have had my own health issues (leading to the secodnary infertility) and I think this hasn't helped my general anxiety levels.

Has anyone had similar? Did it get easier as they got older?

One of the things about anxiety I think is that - whilst it may well attach it self to different things (e.g. yourself, health, finances, child, jobs etc) - there are basic principles around anxiety that are often similar and follow patterns. This is where help is often useful - particularly perhaps CBT approaches.

Some key questions to explore might be -

1. Your own negative experiences
2. Resultant core beliefs around yourself, or the world, or others.
3. The rules and assumptions these beliefs lead you to operate - you may not even know these are there
4. The triggers when these rules are set in motion
5. Re wiring things a bit in your head to make things more comfortable for you.

Specific topic-specific reassurance - (Say around the case of an only child) might not ultimately be useful long term, but really addressing the anxiety itself at the root might.

Many areas have free self-referrals to IAPT services for free CBT via orgs such as Mind Matters. Is it an idea to take the plunge and self-refer? Just put in your post code and off you go. it's all virtual currently and whilst this means you'll need to find work/childcare cover it really could be worth investing into yourself this way (its free too!) and it will help you child as well. Here you are www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

Hello,
I have a DD who is 15 months, we knew from before she was born she would be the an only one (due to my and DH health issues) It's was a miracle I got pregnant at all and I just can't go thought the process again.

I do have anxiety about her doing stuff and she is so so precious, but I let her do everything possible as I want to make her an independent little lady who can take any challenge as she won't have the support of a sibling. Even at her young age, she knows we are always by her side cheering her on but she goes and tries everything and come back when she needs a little reassurance. I want her to be able to concur the world but know I will always be there of needed.

Sending a hug as I know how hard it is

I can completely relate to this and my only is now a teen. Three rounds of ivf trying for dd and lost count of how many trying for sibling. I know I am over protective but I feel there are good reasons for this and no one should make you feel guilty for taking things a little slower in terms of leaving them to walk to school on their own etc as long as they are happy - I had more freedom when I was younger but elder sister was always with me so had each other as a safety net and there were crossing patrols even in secondary school. I am making sure she develops the skills to cope on her own but that doesn't mean I have to go at the same speed as others. For example she didn't walk to school on her own until final year of primary school (year 6) but she was still ready to get herself to and from secondary school. I still walk with her to after school activities because it's boring walking on your own and gives us a chance to talk about her day and me to get some exercise. I know some people think that's weird but she's quite happy.