I have a DD who has just turned two. In the past month or so, most of my mum friends have announced their second pregnancies.
After discussing the possibility of having a DC2, DH is not on board with the idea, but at the same time he is not closing the door altogether. He values having some downtime and is worried that a second child will eat into the few free moments we currentlyhave. He has also confessed having conflicted feelings towards fatherhood: he loves DD to bits and is amazing with her, but at the same time he feels terribly guilty for not having enjoyed the baby stage as much as he perceived other dads to do.
Honestly I don't know what to do, I have been so sad lately. As an only child myself, I always wanted a sibling for DD and I feel that history is repeating itself. I am 37 and feel that every month that passes takes away the possibility of another baby.
What makes it harder, in a way, is that DH is not 100% sure that he only wants one. He did the same with DD, just putting TTC off for months and months - and now he is saying that "definitely not now, but perhaps later on". I could deal better with a more adamant decision, if that had been his wish for years, I could grieve for a bit and then move on.
I have tried making a list of the positives of having a bigger age gap: less financial pressure for childcare; enjoying my maternity leave more by having a more independent DD; etc. But at the end of the day I am only kidding myself, as perhaps this won't happen at all: even if we did decide to TTC later on, my age would probably get in the way.
Sorry for the ramble, I just had to get it off my chest now that another of my friends announced her second pregnancy. I can't help feeling so, so sad and bitter, and I am finding it hard being around these people at the moment even if I am really happy for them. I know I shouldn't isolate myself, but at the same time I am finding this quite hard to process.