Too old at 45?

[CrispyMonster]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum... if not, please let me know! It's my first time posting.

I guess I'm looking for confirmation that I'm too old to have a second child at 45. I have a healthy 5 y/o who I conceived naturally at 40 after 2 rounds of failed IVF. I met my OH later in life at 36 and we married at 38, so we started late in terms of children.

We would love a second, but I just know that every month, it feels like I need to accept my limitations and give up. Our DC would be a great older sibling and this sounds silly, but I worry he will be lonely in his later years (I grew up with a big family but OH was an only child and says DC will be fine!).

We are both healthy and fit (exercise, eat healthily etc etc) but I assume my egg level must be non-existent at 45 (too scared to check or ask anyone!). My egg level at 40 was apparently "excellent" but IVF didn't produce anything. And I'm too scared to go through it all again. I had an amazing pregnancy with my DC - no complications at all.

So, I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that having a child at 45 is stupid and that I should concentrate on my beautiful 5 y/o and OH and enjoy it while I can! Unless someone tells me otherwise....

Please be nice... thanks.

Just came on to share my experience and offer a suggestion to anyone who's trying. I had my baby 2 weeks before my 41st birthday. He's 9 months and I'm already thinking about when and if to try for another.

Anyway, I had private fertility checks in my late 30's in anticipation of TTC. Only met my DH at 37 and we wanted to date each other and get married first! Anyway, once we TTC nothing happened and after a few months I ended up having a HyCosy where they send dye into your Fallopian tubes to check for blockages which they can view on an ultrasound machine. It's a simple procedure and interestingly, there's a phenomenon whereby a significant proportion of women who've been TTC have the HyCosy and then suddenly fall pregnant the next month. Even though the HyCosy is only an investigative procedure to check for the presence of blockages, the consultant said that the pressure of the dye being injected through the tubes can often dislodge small natural blockages.

Anyway, I fell pregnant the very next cycle! And I have another friend who had this same situation.

So I would say, if you can afford a private HyCosy, get it done just to put your mind at rest there are no blockages, and it might just do the trick!

I also took loads of uniquinol.

If you’re still on here OP.... I had my third at 45 conceived naturally. Straight forward pregnancy and a c section delivery but only because baby was transverse like my previous pregnancies. Good luck!

My last child was born when I was 41 and I have never used contraception since. I had one failed pregnancy due to a chromosome disorder at 42 and the only other sniff of pregnancy I had after that was a chemical. I’m now nearly 50 and I accepted it wasn’t to be after the chemical.

You could try to conceive casually. But I wouldn’t commit yourself to it if I were you as I do think it’s very unlikely to lead to a baby.

Just catching up to see how everyone is TTC over 40....

No luck for us yet.

@mumma90

Just catching up to see how everyone is TTC over 40....

No luck for us yet.

I decided last week to quit trying; the growing sense of failure at not being able to conceive plus the realisation of what a baby would mean to my lifestyle into late middle age had conspired to make me revise my priorities. Last month I was so hopeful but it wasn't to be and I know I'll just become more and more fixated.

So I'm out; will ask for mirena again and enjoy life as it is. I wish all of you the very best of luck x

@courtrai sorry to hear that you've given up but completely understand reasons

We are still trying but with very little hope. I think I will be where you are in about 6 months time if nothing has happened

Hi @positivethinking12 can I ask how old you are?
We are trying for a second. I'm 42. My DD is 2.5years. Keeping fingers crossed but lots of people keep telling me I'm far far too old at 42
I don't know any mums who are 42 - all are between30 and 38.
Oh well 💐

@CrispyMonster hi just seeing if you had made a decision?

Hi @mumma90, sorry I've been a bit on and off MN, so sorry for delay in replying.
No real update and no BFP - we are still trying but not actively thinking about it (well, DH isn't, but I am if that makes any sense...).
Feeling quite sad that we won't have a DC2 - was looking at a load of baby videos from when DC1 was a newborn and they got me all teary.
Sounds like I've given up hope, re-reading my post - maybe I have, just haven't acknowledged it yet.
How are you doing? x

It's not likely you'll conceive and bear a healthy, full-term child at that age. It doesn't matter if you're fit and healthy, the eggs are the age you are

@CrispyMonster I think I might be coming around to the idea that having one is more than great 😁
Honestly - I've gone from obsessing over it to actually thinking clearly - what's right for us - as a family.
I think there's so much pressure to have more than one. Some families struggle to conceive one and then end up not having a family at all. I often wonder how they must feel.
Hope that you can find peace too 🌸

@CrispyMonster @passthemustard just seeing if there have been any updates? 😊

It’s not ‘too old’ but the chance of the child having a disability or chromosomal condition such as Down syndrome is quite high. Just something to consider.

Sorry it’s an old thread. Wishing you happiness in whatever you have decided x

I think way too old , your eggs are 45 years old and it carries a high risk of abnormalities.. often ones that can't be seen with tests or screening so you won't know until they are here . I have a son with sn ( undetected in pregnancy ) and I'm shattered . He is 10 and I'm 46.. I imagine if I were 56 it would be unbearable !

I think do what you think is right but be prepared that your energy levels might be lower and your second child might have additional needs / need more support.