Anyone an only child and only have 1?

[cakey877]

Hi all

As the title says really is anyone in this situation? I’m not quite sure why I’m posting this I suppose it’s more to get it off my chest more than anything as I know I won’t really have anymore but I just keep feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt for my situation...

DS is 8 1/2 he’s a happy little boy with plenty of friends doing well at school and I’d say he’s quite introverted in some ways. If I mentioned having a brother or sister now I’m sure his answer would be he doesn’t want one whereas a few years ago he would ask why he didn’t have a brother or sister..DP doesn’t want children and we’re discussing him having the snip, he’s really set that he doesn’t and has never wanted kids so feels it’s right decision, we’re a “quirky” family DP isn’t sons dad and they don’t have the best of relationships, DS dad is a waste of space and still flits in and out of his life as he pleases which I hate at this was the same cycle I faced with my own dad which took me 30 years to finally realise what he was and get over my daddy issues...the thing is my family is so small I have a small group of great friends and my mum and stepdad. I don’t see the majority of my extended family or my dads side...DS has an auntie who I know for certain will not have children as she has a lot of personal issues and is early 30s living at home etc.

Is it normal im feeling like this? I really can’t imagine having another child to be quite blunt I’m selfish...I have a good life me and DP get to go on weekends away, we have a family holiday each year, I have a decent disposable income and can afford nice things and stuff for DS etc...I also feel like I’m not the best mum I’ve never been maternal even though DS is my world now he wasn’t planned....I just feel he will be so incredibly lonely when he’s older as although I’m an only child I had lots of cousins etc growing up and teens.

Sorry for ramble! Anyone in similar situation to me would be great to hear your thoughts x

DP isn’t sons dad and they don’t have the best of relationships

This is what I would be focusing on rather than the prospect of having more children.

Live for now.
Not what might or might not be, there are no guarantees in this life.
Make your peace with it.
I have one child. I have felt how you have felt. Some days I'm consumed by my fears for them in their later years.

There are no guarantees in this life.

I consider myself an only as I have a severely disabled sibling that I have a non existent relationship with. I have at best a tenuous and strained relationship with my parents.
My husband has a sister he no longer speaks to, she has grown children who no longer speak to her.
Shall I go on?

No guarantees.

Enjoy what you have and who you have in your life now.

I am an only child, and lived away from family all my childhood and now only have the one child.
My experience as a child was not missing what I didn't ever have. Making friends came very easily when I was younger (but we moved every few years so that may have been something to do with that) although I had stopped moving when I started secondary school. I suppose my friends became surrogate siblings?

I have nothing but find memories of childhood, although my mum recently, quite sadly said that (I) "always seemed.to want to be at someone else's house". I had no idea and felt sad at the thought of inadvertently hurting her and she never could say.

I do sometimes get a lump in my throat when I think of my only boy growing up and growing distant. I hope it doesn't go that way, but you can't know how another person will view family.

My son has very little blood family, but does have an amazing godfamily and one other family that love him. In our case, quality has to count more than quality.

Finally I'd say, there's no guarantees that having siblings/cousins would prevent loneliness.

And I totally get the musing.

Thank you all in a strange way it’s comforting hearing other people’s stories as I sometimes feel like I’m literally the only person in my situation..all my friends have siblings, partner has 3 brothers mum has 4 siblings etc I often get asked when I’m having more and people look at me confused when I say I’m not...

Festive I appreciate this as it’s very true...we are trying DS is almost at the angry (your not my dad stage) teen years even though he only 8.

I think the fact your DP happy have a step child is the problem.

I’m the only child of an only child. I have one kid and main issue is that I’m an older parent and to see him grown and Ok before I die.

My DM on the other hand is from a huge family. I’ve seen both sides. Doesn’t matter the size of the family, it’s the quality of the relationship imho.

@FestiveChristmasLights

DP isn’t sons dad and they don’t have the best of relationships

This is what I would be focusing on rather than the prospect of having more children.

Yes me too. It would worry me to bring a strange 'father' figure into my child's life; sometimes it's better to be single. Or else to wait until much later and have a more mature relationship which often works well.

Btw, I am an only child with an only child. Mine has had so far a great life, lots of friends but also has the independence of an only child, which I have.