Single mum, 10yo DS is bored with me

[SingleMumOnlyChild]

My DS has been in 50/50 custody since he was 6.
As he has got older, especially with Covid, I’ve found it really hard to connect and spend quality time with him.

I’m so used to spending time on my own, especially this last year, that I have no idea how play with him. He spends hours on his tablet because he doesn’t know what to do.
I feel like a failure.
We can’t have play dates. He used to have friends over 3 or 4 times a week.
At his dad’s they play Lego or are on the computer, neither of which I enjoy.
I just want to be a better parent and connect with him.
Also, we are overseas, so no family nearby.
What can I do to improve our quality time together?

I am going through this with my ds. We got a nintendo switch just before lock down which has helped. It has given us something we can do together and talk about. There are lots of family friendly games we can play together. He is 11, nearly 12. He started high school this year which has also helped as he is learning interesting thi gs he wants to talk about and also has interesting homework he needs help with. He is loving music so is starting to play instruments at home. I am also encouraging him to get involved with cooking and making his meals which is something we can do together.

Thanks for that @winterspiced
I Need to look up a Nintendo switch. Although I’m trying to get away from screens.
I’ve just told him, no screens in his room, he can watch in the lounge, with me, as it’s our Family room. That seems to be going fine.
My DS likes cooking too, I have a Facebook group and he loves live-streaming in that and chatting to our friends and family when we’re cooking!
I need to get him to read a bit more too, as although bilingual, he doesn’t in English.

I have also being saying to my ds to spend time with me in the lounge. We have watched Christmas movies together the past couple of weekends and it has been lovely. We also went for a walk together to look at neighbours Christmas lights. I am going to try playing some board games with ds, we haven't done that for a long time.

I also need to get my ds reading more. He is dyslexic. I still read to him every night before he goes to sleep which is nice having that time together.

You might not enjoy Lego but there’s no reason you can’t sit and do some with him. I don’t enjoy standing out in the cold watching my kids but I do it. Apart from that, could you do a shared activity or sport? Martial arts/running/riding etc.

@ReindeersAreBetterThanHumans

You might not enjoy Lego but there’s no reason you can’t sit and do some with him. I don’t enjoy standing out in the cold watching my kids but I do it. Apart from that, could you do a shared activity or sport? Martial arts/running/riding etc.

Ah, I think this is a bit harsh. I also do things for the sake of my kids which I don’t enjoy, and presumably OP does too, but it’s definitely worth looking for things both can enjoy together. (Yes it’s a balance - I definitely endure Lego and monologues about Roblox and watching some TV I’m bored by - looking at you, Greg Wallace! - because these things matter to my son, but I think it’s a less ‘connecting’ activity than things we both genuinely enjoy.)

OP, I’ve felt inept at ‘fun’ and playing too at some points, but actually I’ve realised I’m fine, there are large chunks of playing I’m rubbish at because I just lack imagination but there are things we do both like too. Board games, construction/STEM type things which involve following instructions (😂 I know half the point is to go on and test new ideas, but if I’m not feeling it that’s a good time for me to slope off for a quiet cup of coffee or to get on in the kitchen while DS chatters through what he’s doing etc). Even just colouring together is nice and easy.

DS has a Nat Geographic ‘This Or That’ book which might work on both the reading and connection front actually - it’s basically full of ‘would you rather this ridiculous scenario or that ridiculous scenario?’. I don’t love it but he does and it doesn’t take much from me if I’m tired or distracted, and it gets him reading which otherwise he really only does in bed after I’ve left him (post shared stories) to fall asleep.

Which book is that @NellWilsonsWhiteHair my dc would love it

Wrap up warm and go for a walk in the park. Cook together, read books to one another. Tickle each other, board games is a good one, or even just watch a film of his choice. I would space the activities out throughout the day, giving him time to stuff on his own too

@yesiknow23 it’s this one www.amazon.co.uk/This-That-Choices-Reveal-Hidden/dp/1426317190/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?dchild=1&s=books&keywords=national+geographic+kids+this+or+that&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1606844191&sr=1-7 (sorry for Amazon link - more ethical retailers are available )

Can you watch something together on TV?

What about making a meal together - pancakes? pizza?

Yes I can so identify - when I ask my 11 year old to do anything with me it’s usually NO - some good tips on here.
We did used to do pokemon go together outside which was fun - he usually bossing me around and us fighting over who caught the pokemon. 😂Geocaching is meant to be fun outdoors so I may download this for us both.
It’s hard being a single parent with no family.
I feel for him being an only child.
When he’s gaming online all his friends have siblings and aren’t divorced.
He’s struggling with his Dad remarrying too.
Im the blinking mediator.
He rarely wants to go to his Dads - he used to go three weekends a month and it’s dropped to two overnights.
COVID hasn’t helped as we all know.