The pressure to have a second is overwhelming..

[HarleyQuinn33]

My husband and I always discussed only having one. We are both neurotic introverted types who like our own time and sleep so thought one and done is enough. Now we have a gorgeous 11 week old boy. Since I gave birth I feel everyone I talk to asks or assumes another is on the way! The boiler man today implied we needed a bigger system for the second baby in the future, the midwife who delivered my baby said minutes after I had given birth that the second time would be quicker, my parents (Who up to now had never pressured us to have kids) commented on us having a second, my brother's when visiting asked if there would be another when meeting the baby at 1 week old! Why does this keep happening and can anyone think of clever come backs please because all I do is looked a bit stumped.

Its making me question what I want now and feel bad that my son is an only...

why does it matter what other people think or assume? You make the decisions that are right for your own family

It really is no ones business however this has been occurring for generations - when I found out I was pregnant - my grandma warned me of this exactly.

She did say - just smile and laugh - do not ever say that you won't be having anymore as on the of chance you do fall pregnant again or decide to try again, people will happily bring up the fact you've previously said you want no more. She said it made her feel like people were saying she didn't want her second (or third) child!

I would try not to take any notice of it especially as your son is so tiny. I had these sorts of comments from random people too but it happens less now my daughter is 2. You have to think about the motivation of the people that bring it up. A lot of people have a second because they are expected to so they project that on to others. Some are just making conversation. Don’t read too much for in to it. I had a random man on the bus telling me I ‘had’ to have a second when my daughter was a tiny baby. I asked him if he had children & he said he had the one son that was 8! People just talk rubbish so pay them no heed.

I took DD out to the car in her seat when she was tiny and the gardener cooed over her and said “she needs a baby brother”. She was probably only 3 months old and another one was the last thing I wanted right then, probably undiagnosed PND. Plus I’d had a long journey of infertility to get her- even a clinic nurse suggested a first from the first round then hopefully some to freeze for a sibling!

Agree with other posters, just ignore the comments and enjoy your little one. If you do want to revisit further down the line you can, or remain happily one and done. The early months of your first are not the time to be making big decisions.

It’s just one of the many mindless things people say, there’s one for every stage of life. You don’t have to say anything.

I’ve only had one and not through choice, so when people trot out their nonsense I tend to make them uncomfortable with my infertility story - and it’s their own fault for being intrusive. I always hope it’ll stop them doing the same thing to the next person!

Don’t underestimate people’s capacity to say daft things just to make conversation! Just ignore it.

I was in PICU with a 3 or 4 week old seriously ill baby the first time someone asked when I was having my next.

Just stare at them and say no. Every time they mention it just say no. Don't go into why, don't get into a debate. Just say no

It's tough isn't it.
We have one, he's now just over two.
I struggled so much, and that's improving now... but it was horrible. For the first year we thought we'd stop at one, just because we felt wd couldn't handle doing it again. We didnt enjoy it.
But we are happy now, we are able to function well. We don't want to rock that.
We tried for a year again but it didn't happen, and we thought "hey maybe it's meant to be this way"
When people comment like this, it makes me doubt my decision. It feels like people will home in on anything in the future and blame our "selfishness" or whatever. Its sad. Its easy to say that what other people say doesn't matter, but when you're a nervous parent and of course, don't want to do anything to disadvantage your kid, it definitely hurts.
I don't know what to say. At one point I used to just bluntly say "Yeh, turns out im all broken now" to get them to stfu. Maybe that's a bit harsh....
I dont want to explain our decision, which is sad too. Because basically everyone sees that as an opportunity to try to talk me round!