Anyone else's partner put huge pressure on them to have a 2nd?

[messy123]

DD is 3 next month. She's amazing and the best thing in the world, but my god, being a mum has stretched me mentally and physically beyond measure and it's only been in the last 6 months I feel like myself again. I had post partum psychosis early on and thankfully made a full recovery.
My partner is one of 4, they are all close...and he desperately wants another child. I don't, I can't do it all again. The whole shebang really, don't want another pregnancy, to give birth again, the sleep deprivation ( I did and still do almost all wake ups), the giving up work, the lack of free time etc. Does this make me really selfish?
My partner comments about having another regularly, says I'm selfish and ruined his dreams and won't let it go! It's causing real problems. Sometimes I think I should do it in a couple of years and then I think, no, why should I if I don't want to! I should add, I had a termination after finding out I was pregnant when my daughter was a year old. I was still on medication and under the treatment of a psychiatrist for my illness. He was ok about it at first, but as time has gone on seemed to resent me and comments on that too.
He's not exactly the hands on dad type and the thought of me running ragged after two young children leaves me cold if I am honest. DD hasn't mentioned having a sibling but she is still only young. I'm nearly 36, so have some time but not loads.
Has anyone got any advice or been there?

Yes, my husband was desperate for a second and I was traumatised from the first, like you. He committed to doing all the night wakings and I would go back to work straight away. I agreed. Now I’m so glad I did and I can’t imagine it any other way - best decision. DH has a really strong relationship with the kids and does close go half of everything family and home related.

The difference is your DH isn’t prepared to do the heavy lifting so why would you make that huge commitment?

I have refused to have a second for similar health reasons, although my husband was much more hands on.

He's also part of a big family, and whilst I'm not worried about having a second, I know he'd really love one.

If he started pressuring me, I honestly don't know if our marriage would survive. He knows the choice is second child, or my mental and physical health. He chooses me. I've been asked by one charming relative what id do if he said he'd leave me if he couldn't have a second child, and I said id tell him he could leave.

If I was no more than a child bearing vessel for my husband, I'm fairly sure I would be done. Sorry you're under this pressure.

My partner comments about having another regularly, says I'm selfish and ruined his dreams

Has he looked in the mirror?

This isnt about his life plan and dreams. This is about real life and practical considerations.

He needs to get his head out the clouds.

I am willing to bet its you not him who is responsible for most of the child care related labour and its certainly you who has to go through pregnancy and childbirth.

If it is that much of a dream the selfish tosser can leave and have a baby with another woman rather than dish out manipulative emotional abuse.

I would tell him bluntly that he doesn't pull his weight - therefore you're not willing to shoulder the responsibility of another.

It's not your job to continue popping out children at his demand. I'm assuming his mother did everything for the 4 siblings so that's what he's used to?

Women can and should chose how many babies they have. You chose one
I appreciate for him it’s a disappointment, but he needs to work through that
And be kind,attentive and immersed in the family he has