One child is great!!

[user1494101503]

I am so fed up of people asking me why I don’t have anymore.
People assume it’s because we can’t never that it’s a choice!

I was told once I was lazy for only have 1 child!
I was told once I had no idea what parenting was until I had 2 or more
It makes me so mad!

Reasons we had 1 child was because the birth and recovery was traumatic
I had severe PND PNA.
We are financially comfortable (ish) with 1 and would be in trouble financially if we had anymore
I have a wonderful relationship
With my DD. She’s very sociable and has lots of friends
She pre lockdown did plenty of clubs outside of school
She’s not overly spoilt however she doesn’t go without like I had to growing up
There’s no guarantee they’ll even get on with their sibling

I’m so proud of our family of 3 and wish people wouldn’t see it as a negative

Has anyone else had negative comments about just having the 1?

Completely agree! Most comments I just tune out, but I saw red when a John Lewis partner told me that I was very selfish for denying DD a sibling, and that perhaps I should think about her instead of what suited me. I was so shocked and, being non-confrontational, I didn’t say anything at the time (other than it wasn’t her business). But I was so angry - not so much for myself, but a dear friend had just experienced another miscarriage while desperately trying for a second child and I know that if she’d received that comment, it would have been utterly destroying. I did complain about this, and apparently she was spoken to - I hope no one else has to put up with that kind of rubbish from her.

I love having an only.

User, I have an only for almost identical reasons, plus DS has some special needs. He's 4 now and largely the comments have stopped thankfully. I get the odd question about whether I want another and they get a firm 'no'.

That's an awful, awful comment from the person in John Lewis. There can be many, many reasons why some one has one child, not just choice.

@FiddleFigs

Completely agree! Most comments I just tune out, but I saw red when a John Lewis partner told me that I was very selfish for denying DD a sibling, and that perhaps I should think about her instead of what suited me. I was so shocked and, being non-confrontational, I didn’t say anything at the time (other than it wasn’t her business). But I was so angry - not so much for myself, but a dear friend had just experienced another miscarriage while desperately trying for a second child and I know that if she’d received that comment, it would have been utterly destroying. I did complain about this, and apparently she was spoken to - I hope no one else has to put up with that kind of rubbish from her.

I love having an only.

Are you serious? Was this in the context that you were a customer? Not that it makes a blind bit of difference to how rude, offensive and ill-informed it is but there's something even more shocking in a way that someone would say this to their customer.

My DD is only 16 months but I’m pretty sure we’re sticking with one for similar reasons to you (severe PND, plus financial reasons).
My (delightful) mother has, on occasion, described one child families as “basically legal child abuse”.

Stick to your guns OP! I am expecting my second now and massively regretting it 😥 Family of 3 is great!

Stick to your guns OP! I am expecting my second now and massively regretting it 😥 family of 3 is great!

My only is nearly 13 and I have no regrets. She's a happy, confident kid, with lots of friends, and we're a very happy family of 3. I was 26 when I had her and I think our families have always assumed there would be another but I never felt the urge.

The stupidest comment I heard/read was on here where a poster said that she didn't see one child families as "a family" but instead they were just "a couple with a child".

The ignorance, narrow mindedness and downright stupidity of the statement makes me so angry when I think about it.

We have one child; we are very much a family. There are lots of different types of families that have children (birth, adopted, step, foster, the list goes on) in them. Couples without children are families.

@dairyswim agree completely

People can be really cruel and thoughtless. After 2 traumatic miscarriages and lots of gyne problems we decided to count our blessings and our son has grown up to be a bright, resourceful, ambitious and outgoing young man.

Still I've had similar comments come my way, I'm being cruel to my son, starving him of company, etc etc 😴

It amazes me that people will say such things without knowing your personal circumstances.

It’s just me and my daughter and I’m honestly glad I didn’t have anymore. We get on well most of the time. She gets spoiled by everyone as she’s the only grandchild as well. Some times it seems a lot harder with more and my partner has 2 kids and after a few hours with them she’s had enough 😂

Sadly it usually women who like to police, criticise and judge other women. Having multiple DC is so tough and it drains you physically, emotionally and financially. They want you to be as frazzled by it all as they are. I have 2 DC (adults now) and my 2nd wasn't planned. We were perfectly happy with one. I am happy now though, as they have each other and they are both wonderful women.

The stupidest comment I heard/read was on here where a poster said that she didn't see one child families as "a family" but instead they were just "a couple with a child"

I remember that @dairyswim.

My tip is to hide any thread on AIBU about only children as they always descend into a tiresome game of Lonely Only Bingo.

Don't feel you need to defend your choices on here or in RL - just enjoy your family

I have never, ever regretted my choice, our DS is 19 now, a happy, confident young man.

I have to say that no one has ever questioned me about my choice to have an 'only' - perhaps because of my age (I was 42 when we had DS) or maybe the people I know are just well mannered and don't ask personal questions.

Yep I've had the 'it's only mothering when you've had two' comment and found it very upsetting.
I won't go into why we only have one but the reasons are valid, personal and I am very sure we've made the right decision for us. Nonetheless I feel like there's this badge of honour that being a mum of many whereas being a mum of one is dismissed as being easy peasy.

Get those comments all the time!

Most people don't know, and I don't tell them, but DS was born from rape when I was young 20s, he also had a really traumatic birth. When I first started dating DH he told me then he didn't want to have babies, and I was happy with this. We had a bit in the middle where DH seemed to change his mind and I got broody as all hell, but then lockdown 1 happened and DH has gone back to "no more kids".

Now, I don't want anymore kids. Like don't get me wrong I'd LOVE to have a baby, but I think I'd be satisfied with cuddling friends babies I've worked hard to get to the point I'm at now in my career and are about to start my dream job, DH and I like to ride motorbikes when DS is at school. And after having my friends 1yo for a day, it's reminded me how much stuff they actually require and I don't want all that again

I used to get it when my teenager was a baby but they shut up when I told them my age. I was pushing 43 when she was born.
But one woman was obsessed with talking about it. She wouldn't accept that I didn't want to have another pregnancy. In her eyes there were no reasons not to get pregnant and have a baby. The way she went on about an acquaintance who sadly had to terminate due to severe abnormalities made me so cross. In the end I had to tell her that the subject was not up for discussion and even then I had to say it a few times before she finally got the message.

We have an only, due to infertility issues - still no idea how I got pregnant with DC, they truly were a bloody miracle!

BUT we wouldn't have it any other way, DC is now a fabulous teenager, as pp have said less financial worries than if we'd had more, and more importantly we can focus on DC.

They aren't spoilt, but it's a simpler financial equation; if we can afford it, we do it / buy it. We don't have to even everything up for each child. I can still remember my mum's Christmas clipboard with a line down the middle and 2 lists, to make sure me & my DB got the 'same' 🤣

We only have one and I love our family of 3 unit, what a terrible thing to say to you by anyone.

We just didn't have another one we never really discussed it and never longed for another child, the only time it cropped up was when my DHs father died I seen how nice it was for him and his brother to be each others support (I am also an only child) and it dawned on me unless our child is old enough to have her own family when we pass she will be alone, she has no immediate cousins that she is close to the only one she has is almost 30.

I very quickly changed my mind on another child and now her being 10 we are set in our ways and love our life just the 3 of us and also I now don't think the age gap between her and another child now would be beneficial to anyone even if I did get extremely broody all of a sudden haha

I have an only a very funny, caring and popular 9 year old son- and the amount of times I've had "you need to give him a sibling" wears so very thin. I don't want to be pregnant again. I am not a brood mare.

I've got the confidence now to tell people exactly what I think - but in the early days it was more an embarrassed smile & nod. I remember one conversation with a friend who was constantly bringing up the topic of conversation - every point I brought up was met with a rebuttal that I was wrong and he needed a sibling. It makes me furious now that I didn't say "I don't want another child, our family is perfect, it works for us and our son has a happy childhood".

Families come in all shapes and sizes.