Does it get easier? Grieving for my womb and no more babies

[Bearlyawake]

I'm early 30s and will soon be having a hysterectomy due to cancer diagnosis. We have one DC whom we love very much, but I had hoped to have another in a couple of years.

I haven't had the op yet but I am already grieving for my womb and I'm really struggling to come to terms with the fact I won't have a second child. I feel jealous whenever I see a pregnant woman (and of course it feels like they're everywhere) or people with more than one child. I feel sad that my DC won't have a sibling, I feel sad that I will never have the experience of bringing a child into the world again. I worry about DC being lonely.

Has anyone been through similiar? Does it get easier? Did you find a way to help you through?

One of the things I am most struggling with is how some people react, saying 'oh well at least you've already got one, it would be worse if you didn't have any children'. Not helpful.

@Bearlyawake I have no experience of hysterectomy but didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I do have experience of people saying 'oh well, at least you have one '! It usually comes from those with more than one but there must be many who don't have any. There are a lot of good positive things said on the One child families page and many people who will help you feel better about having one. Also there are Facebook groups like One and done not by choice. Worth checking.
Good luck

Oh love @Bearlyawake, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a full hysterectomy due to ovarian cancer 8 weeks ago and I also only have 1 DC and would have loved another, I’m a bit older than you though at 39. You have so much to deal with now, having a cancer diagnosis with a young child is so tough, and coming to terms with losing the future you thought you’d have, and the future and relationships you thought your DC would have, I know, I’ve been there, I couldn’t stop going over and over it once I was home after surgery. In a way it has already got easier for me because it’s done and final but it’s still early days. Let yourself feel however you are feeling, take all help offered and don’t listen to other people, they have no idea what you’re going through.

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis.

Not in such circumstances but we have one DD (4) and can't conceive naturally. So we won't be having anymore.

I swing from really wanting another to thinking anyone who has more then one is crazy. But deep down I would like another one but I know it's unlikely to happen.

DD is happy, we are happy. We will have more time, energy, money for her. She will want for nothing. She often asks for a sibling but what she wants is a playmate which she wouldn't get even if we had a baby tomorrow, as by the time baby can play like her she'll not be interested!

It's so tough OP xx

You might find some comfort in this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/4055588-can-t-stop-comparing-us-to-other-families-will-i-get-past-it

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. For different reasons I am coming to terms with only having one baby (fertility problems and recurrent pregnancy loss) so I won't pretend to understand what it is like dealing with a cancer diagnosis as well. But i do know what it is like when people say 'at least you have one' it doesn't matter, it's not the life i pictured for myself. There is a lot of grief associated with this situation, take care of yourself x

Not hysterectomy but very premature menopause meaning we can’t have a sibling for DS. Neither of us are really over it, tbh. We’ve both still grieving. I feel bitter about it whenever I see anyone with more than one child.

For me it’s tempered by how ill I was both during and after DS was born. I’ve now got a couple of chronic conditions that I didn’t have before I had him, and having another child would almost certainly have made them worse. I still want another, despite this.

Thanks so much for the solidarity and support. I'm so sorry to hear about all your struggles as well