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Only child due to traumatic experience?

2 replies

ICannotBeArsed · 01/10/2020 22:57

Anyone had this? I’ll try and cut the long story short!

So my pregnancy was easy, no symptoms, no sickness, I absolutely loved it until we started having growth scans to find my placenta wasn’t working, I was given steroids and told at my 33 weeks growth scan that baby would be here in 7 days, to then be told just to have scan and Doppler a every week but baby would need to come by c-section as contractions on the cord would starve the baby. So my anxiety is a mess, the c-section happens it was medically a better than average procedure I lost less than average amount of blood, incision never got infected I was a ‘great example’ - except my mental health, my anxiety was just in complete overdrive. I was worried I would die, I jumped a lot during the spinal and thought I’d do damage, I didn’t want to move ever again afterwards, I cried constantly at home not being able to move, worried about sepsis, my incision opening. It was honestly the most horrendous time of my life and I cannot fathom ever going through that again.

Come 7/8 months later my brain now realises nothing bad happened, I am fine, DD is fine. Start loving the idea of having another baby, start to slowly mention it to DP that I’d like another soon. DD is 9 months old now.

My period is late, by a week. Instant regret and fear and absolutely no plans at all to go ahead with it if I was because, and I don’t want to sounds morbid, I’m genuinely concerned that if I have to go through another c section or stress of complications with baby I’m worried I’d just kill myself. I cannot fathom ever having another child again.

This is why I’ve 98% decided DD is going to be an only child.

Anyone else have only one for similar reasons?

OP posts:
Trumpeditnow · 02/10/2020 20:16

It sounds awful OP. Labour is scary try and look at it this way lots of women have a normal pregnancy and labour and then the 2nd pregnancy they could have complications. Could you maybe see a therapist?

Your DD is still quite young. So I can understand you not wanting another so soon too.

Nicecupofcoco · 02/10/2020 20:28

Hi op,
Yes I've been through similar experience. I had a traumatic first birth, a lot of complications physically, resulting in a major hemmorage, lose of consciousness, being rushed down to theatre for blood transfusions, and don't get me started on the horrible midwives along the way. It took me a while to bond with my baby and dh and I said never again!!
Fast forward a year or so and I had a lovely bond with ds1 and began to think could I go through it again, fast forward another six months and I was thinking about it so much, we both wanted a second child but I had so much anxiety.
When ds was 2 and a half I thought it's now or never so contacted the hospital where they invited us in to go through my birth notes and explained everything to me, why it happened as it did, and how they could prepare so that it could be different if we tried for a second. I still felt anxious but we had to go for it. I was also given a midwife who specialised in mental health and at my 8 week appointment, referred me to perinatal mental health team who provided therapy/cbt to help me manage my fears. I was diagnosed with tockophobia too, and had this fear I'd die in my second birth and leave my beautiful ds! I had the therapy weekly and felt it helped, I got the c section I was promised, and on the day itself I was terrified. My birth notes explained all my anxiety and fears, also brief details of last birth and it was read by the staff before my section!
I was so anxious, I cried buckets saying goodbye to my son that morning, as I really thought it would be the last time I saw him! I even wrote letters to dh and ds and baby incase anything happened! It didn't, obviously, it went so well, everyone was so understanding, explaining everything. It was perfect! Well I say perfect I had issues with my blood pressure on the table and the spinal isn't nice, but It was over within minutes!
Sorry to ramble on, I just want to say, do it! You won't regret it, but you will regret not doing! See your gp ask for support, there is so much out there they can help you with mentally during the pregnancy, and afterwards too!
Fingers crossed you could go for vb and the experience might be so different, but if not explain your fears about the spinal and how it made you feel, good theatre staff will calm and reassure you!
Good luck! Smile

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