Anyone went on to have a 2nd child when they were ambivalent?

[KylieKangaroo]

Just that really, I wondered if anyone was unsure about having a second child and then went on to have one and how it worked out?

I am pg with no.2 so it's a bit late for me really but just looking for positive stories as all I can see are the negatives at the moment.

Btw apologies if this post is insensitive to those who can only have one for any reason, it's not my intention to upset anyone.

I did. I found being a parent to dc1 very difficult, even though they weren’t tricky as babies go, it was more about me coming to terms with how my life had changed. I was never particularly bothered about having another but dc2 was a dream and absolutely made our family complete.

There's. Good Facebook group called 'one and done on the fence' which is for exactly that:

www.facebook.com/groups/1458534514210482/?ref=share

@PaquitaVariation thanks that's the kind of thing I need to hear right now!

@SapphosRock thanks for the link I will check that out 👍

Yes. After 11 months ttc baby number 1 I thought it would be a long road. Bfp on month 2 ttc. No complications. 2 year 10 month age gap which was smaller than I would have liked but he's the apple of my eye and his sister's best friend. No regrets.

@bluewavescrashing that's nice to hear that you do not regret it!

Very interested in this as it's a last chance saloon for me. Already 40 (and a half) and my DD is just 2.

*in this thread

Yeah I wasn't broody at all for #2. I basically had another because we're older parents and I didn't want my child to have to deal with elderly parents on his own.

Not that I'm expecting to be taken care of, far from it, but I am a child of older parents myself and.....it wasn't easy. But having my sibling helped.

The first few years after #2 was very hard, not going to lie. But now they are more independent and very very close. They really love each other and helped each other hugely in lockdown. They were never lonely. Very relieved I did it now.

@ElspethFlashman it sounds like it was a positive decision for you to have a second.

@ElspethFlashman may I ask how old you were when you had DC1 and DC2?

I had DD when I was 25 and did not take to being a mummy, really. In hindsight, it was PND and I had it worse after DS was born.

I only really had him because I felt like I should give DD a sibling. DS was born when I was 29, so a 3 year 5 month age gap.

They are 18 and 21 now and, I won't lie, the baby / toddler years were tough but I am so happy I have them both. I liked each of the next stages better and the teenage years to now have been lots of fun. DH and I are 2 weeks into our empty nest and I miss DS much more than I am letting on to anyone.

I was 39 for #1, and 41 for #2.

So yeah, I was knackered by 40 with a newborn and not really up for a second pregnancy, lol. Forced myself to do it. 41- 43 were basically lost years.....a sleep deprived blur.

45 now and feel pretty good the last couple of years though! Look human again!

Yes me! I have written about my experience from “dithering” to ttc, pregnancy and the first few weeks. The link to the old thread is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/2607270-Dithering-about-having-a-second-child-and-I-dont-have-the-luxury-of-time-to-dither?pg=6

Thanks @Lndnmummy I will have a read now! How are you finding things with 2 now?

Well I wasn't really sure I wanted a second. My eldest was (is) really hard work. He has never been affectionate and is really quite disagreeable and much as I love him I just thought it would be hellish having another. However I found myself pg again through no 'active' decision and my second child is the kindest sweetest easiest kid. My eldest rejected his brother immediately so they have maybe played together happily 3 or four times in the last decade, but it doesn't matter. We've learned to deal with them separetley and accomodate different needs. I could never regret my 2nd as he is the best of all of us.

@KylieKangaroo I wouldn’t change it for the world. I had a big age gap 6ish years and I was over 40 (just) when second was born. It was really tough at first but now it feels like it was meant to be. The thing is though that I’m not “happier” and our lives are not “more complete”. We were really happy as a family of three. There was nothing “missing” as such. I linked to the thread because it is such a unique experience and the women on the thread supported eachother for a couple of years. A few of us decided to make the leap, some didn’t. I could have easily have been one who didn’t. And my life would have been equally as full. Different yes, but not less than.

@sugarbum I am glad it worked out for you, your first dc sounds similar to mine, she has broken me

@lndnmummy I'm glad it worked out for you too, likewise I don't feel there is anything missing and don't think I would be more complete with a second child, just as I felt happy enough before my DD came along too. What's right for one person is so individual isn't it.