Am I selfish or is it too early?

[Myoneandonlyson]

Hi everyone - NC for this as my last was quite outing!
I’m sure these threads or similar appear here often so sorry if it seems repetitive.
I have the most perfect DS, who is 8 weeks old. We struggled to conceive (I have PCOS which caused me not to ovulate) so we were seen at the fertility clinic and conceived on Clomid. I had a perfect, healthy and very fortunate pregnancy which I acknowledge was easy compared to most. Not entirely great birth, 4 day induction which ended in EMCS as I was septic and they were worried about him (think neonatal surgical team gowned up in theatre waiting to whisk him away..) though thankfully and miraculously he was born perfectly healthy. After my getting over this (mentally more than anything, definitely hadn’t planned on a section!) we have had a great few weeks. He’s gone from 7lb 5 at birth to 13lb 3, breastfeeding is going well, he’s such a happy boy and sleeps from 9.30pm til 7am (I know, what have I got to complain about!).
My post is mainly about this next part. I always said I wanted at least 3, possibly 4 children. DH agreed! Since having DS, I can’t imagine ever having any more children - partly as I know I would most likely have a CS for the birth which isn’t ideal for me, but also as I think I would feel guilty that all my attention would have to be split between him and a sibling. Does this sound ridiculous? I just can’t imagine having to divide my love between him and other children, if that makes sense. Maybe it’s because we struggled to conceive in the first place but I’ve never felt anything like how I feel about him and feel like if I had to split this as well as my time between him and any future children.
Sorry if this is a ridiculous thread, and I know it’s maybe my hormones and things might change over the coming months but I just wanted to get it off my chest!

It’s not ridiculous. It’s normal to consider the implications. I had an emergency CS and could not contemplate another. As years went by I enjoyed regaining my life, career and sanity and felt one was enough. Just dont be pressured by what others might think.

A bit ridiculous yes. Enjoy your baby hes still so young there is absolutely no reason for you to be thinking about subsequent children right now!!

FWIW I too had the most amazing first child and felt I could never feel love like I had for him, for another baby. Total rubbish. My subsequent children are loved just as much.

Enjoy your new baby!

I felt exactly the same, people told me I would change my mind. He's nearly 4 now and I haven't (and while I know people will say, you will still change your mind, I won't)

You may or may not change your mind. Either is fine.

Having one child is a totally fine and valid choice but you are only 8 weeks postpartum. You don’t need to make any decisions right now.

@catmg I know - I just think I’m surprised my view changed as I always thought I’d want loads of kids no matter what! I agree it’s a bit silly, and have no plans for more just yet anyway! Enjoying every minute with DS!
@Finfintytint thank you, I’m glad you see what I mean! The recovery was rough at the start but I suppose like everything as time goes on I’ll forget these bad parts and only remember the good! I suspect I’ll feel differently after some time but who knows!

@herrcomesthenamechanger @60sPony I totally understand that 8 weeks pp is so soon to even think of more, I’m definitely not doing that, I’m just taken by surprise that my views changed so much. I suppose in hindsight it’s to be expected with having a first baby. I suppose this thread is very premature, I just wasn’t sure if I was totally nuts or just a wee bit crazy for thinking like that! 😂

Having one child is a totally fine and valid choice but you are only 8 weeks postpartum. You don’t need to make any decisions right now.

This, absolutely, from someone who never contemplated having another.

Op I have many dc. Love each and every one. All pregnancies and births were amazing - even the not so easy ones!!. As a dm love is endless!!

DS was conceived by IVF, I was so sure pre birth that we would have another that I already had savings set aside for another round. I knew with absolute certainty within 2 weeks of his birth that I did not want another

It is possible to be sure, it's just not worth spending a lot of mental effort on (I did and I shouldn't have wasted my energy)

I don’t think I’d love DS any less if we had more (just incase that came across wrong).
Thank you all for your responses - you’ve made me feel less crazy for thinking like this but also reassured me that I may or may not decide to have more, and either way it’s absolutely fine! I’m just going to blame the crazy pp hormones haha!

Apart from your induction (EMCS 5 weeks early) and pcso (I just didn't ovulate - never investigated why just went straight to clomid) you've basically just described me. Son is now 20 months old and I'm starting to waver because someone told me it was selfish to only have one. I'm still pretty sure he will be our only but I hate the judgement for that choice and it really gets me down some days.

Love isn't finite. You don't run out of it. Just as you instantly loved this child so you are capable of loving another.
My problem is with parents in general having more than 2 children. I constantly hear mothers moaning about not being able to cope or lack of money and I really have to bite my tongue not to say 'well why have so many kids'? My neighbour has 3 and wailed to me that she couldn't cope in lockdown when hubby was at work so kept going round her mum's and having people to her.
We keep being told of our ailing planet and things we should do (like eat 40% less red meat) but the one significant and best thing we could do to stop killing our planet is stop having so many offspring!I
How rich you are is irrelevant. More kids, more carbon footprints and less room and opportunities for your grandchildren. The food, education, clothing, and medical required by one person per lifetime is astronomical.

I feel the same as you OP! Also have PCOS and a clomid baby, she's ten weeks now. I'm worried about if we decide we want more and then infertility prevents it, and having to grieve for what could have been. I fear the impact that would have on my DD in terms of detracting my focus. Even though I only had my baby a couple months ago I also worry whether we should decide and start trying ASAP because people have told me fertility is better soon after having a baby, and what if fertility wise I have a better shot at a second now?! But then I adore DD and always told myself she would be an only.

Gosh that wasn’t on my mind when my DS was 8 weeks it didn’t even crossed my mind as I was so busy. I think you may change your mind.

Early days. My DD is 6yo and despite always thinking I wanted two, after she was born I just couldn’t imagine having any more. I’m now pregnant and she’s so excited to be a big sister. A 2yr old and a newborn wouldn’t have been for me! (Added caveat that exDH was a bit of a rubbish dad in the early days and that probably added to the feelings and my current pregnancy is with my lovely DP).

Yep once we got past the hideous first six months I loved my DS1 so much I felt I never wanted any more as it would spoil the bond I had with him and I could never love another child so much etc etc. I did even announce to a few people when he was about 12/13 months that we’d possibly just stick to one. We now have three....

I had similar feelings post DC1, though without the c section. Now 39 weeks pregnant with DC2. I wouldn't write anything off just yet.