Help me decide

[Cantdecixx]

Im really struggling to decide whether I want to try for another baby. Im literly thinking about it almost all day everyday. I have a daughter who is 2. My main concern is if we had another baby , it would take away what we could provide for our only, not having to worry about whether we can afford this or that. Etc. Also whilst im talking about finances.. at the moment things are going well we aren't rich , but we aren't struggling and thats really important to me, I just dont want to struggle in life and I want to have savings to fall back on to.. My next concern is space.. our home is small, but perfect for our family of 3 (2 bedrooms). We have a morgage and I dont think we could afford to buy anything bigger. So for the long term I feel it would be a real shame to go from having a morgage, but needing to upgrade and ending up having to rent, meaning spending more money on living and having less money to spend on whatever we want. My heart is torn. I want to experience everything again, I want our only to have a sibling , a play mate who will probably be more fun than mummy & daddy, but I also want to give our only a good life and im scared of making things harder when at the moment everything is good. Please give me your opinions , advice and thoughts! Especially if youve been in a similar situation of making it work in a small home. Thank you

Hi, just started my own similar post and saw yours. While I have no helpful advice i thought I'd give yours a bump.

Thankyou

I'm in the same situation as you OP. Do you have options for an attic conversion or something?

Only you can decide what's best for your family.

No unfortunately, no way of creating morr space as we live in a flat

Have a think about why you want your child to have a sibling. Is it mostly for them or for you and your partner? I have a big family and am from a big family, but I don’t think it’s worth having another for the kids sake, rather than because you actually want more.

There are lots of pluses to being an only child. Here are a couple of thoughts:
Post lockdown you can organise a lot more play dates etc.
Your 2yo child will soon start to make friends. Do you live somewhere where they can play with the neighbour’s kids without supervision as they get older?
For the first 2 years your baby won’t play with the older kid. By the time they are 10 they will probably prefer hanging out with friends above siblings.
Siblings don’t always get on. My first two kids are 50% arguments.

Consider stopping at 1 and invest time in finding good friends, ideally with kids of different ages, to act a bit like cousins and siblings.

I'm an only child and was very lonely growing up. However, having a sibling is obviously no guarantee that they'll be friends! I was very loved and spoiled, mostly because I was the youngest DGC on the maternal side, and the oldest on the paternal side (both by quite a few years), so that was good. But occasionally I do feel like I "missed out", only I'm not sure on what!

I have 2 DC. DD was 4 when DS was born, and for the most part they get on very well, but not always. He's just turned 2 and is a terror at the moment, and I spend a lot of my time keeping him from ruining what she's doing. They also have moments where they're absolute besties and it melts your heart.

I was saying to DM the other day that if DS had been born first then DD definitely wouldn't be here... They're opposites in that she's calm and sensible (with a slight teenage attitude, despite being 6), and he's a total livewire. I can't imagine him not being here because he's our wonderful, lovely boy, but I do sometimes regret tipping DD's life upside down, despite how much she loves him.

Things would be easier and cheaper if we only had 1 DC, but obviously it's too late now!

Sorry I dont know how to tag usernames but I think its abit of both. I want to experience pregnancy, child birth & new born stage again , and i think it would be nice for my only to have a sibing for playing. I wonder if she will get lonely and bored and it makes me feel guilty and wonder if im being selfish only having the one child

I dont want to have any regrets so I want to feel 100% on my decision. It already makes me feel guilty to think what time it would take away from my only if I had another.

I had worries about having my second (now 5 months) but there was two things for me - one being that I just had such an innate urge for another and the other being that I wanted my DD to have a sibling, I didn’t want her growing up on her own and I wanted her to have that support of a sibling as an adult too. I’m very close with my sister and I wanted that for my DD.
I did worry about the money side and we made the decision to stretch ourselves to a bigger mortgage so we had more space. I don’t think it’s selfish either way but those were our reasons

I was always convinced I'd only ever have 1 child, reasons similar to yours in that being able to maybe give one a better life that two etc

But when my mum passed away a few years ago I think I really would have been lost without my older siblings during this time and even now. I know that's not a sole reason against having one but it changed my mind.

I'm now pregnant with my first so I'll see if I still feel the same after birth etc!!!

I think if your reasons are for you as well as your child then maybe you should go ahead.

Second children are cheaper. Try to buy unisex clothes and toys for your dd now so you have plenty of hand-me-downs.

Childcare is expensive but it’s short term, apart from after school costs.

You can spend less on activities if they play together.

Will your financial situation be better in 8 years time? Because that is when it might get awkward to be sharing a bedroom if they’re opposite sex. Before that they will be fine.