Feeling resentment and guilt

[Rockster1]

Hi I've never posted on here before but looking for some support or suggestions I guess. I'm 43 years old and mummy to a 3yr old. I desperately want another child predominantly because I want my son to have a sibling...but my partner says a definite no. He is on his 50s and says he's tired and too old and won't even talk about it. What really riles me is he uses his age as an excuse yet when we met he actually lied about his age and only told me the truth when we had been dating a few months. It should have been a red flag but obviously I forgave him. It now rattles me he uses age as an excuse. I know full well I may be too old and not get pregnant but I would at least like to try. I feel that as older parents a sibling would greatly benefit my son particularly as he has no cousins nearby etc. I really resent my thoughts aren't taken into account. We aren't married as he doesn't like the idea and I have to come to live with that but it is starting to feel like I am simply living the life he wants and I am starting to feel resentful. I've suggested counselling and he doesn't want to go but will but it's not that easy when we are not allowed babysitters in this covid era and both work.
I see similar posts about people wanting another and the predominant answer is give it time...but sadly I think time is running out for me. I feel so much resentment towards my partner and guilt towards my son. I also feel quite lonely in this relationship where my views on big topics are not up for discussion!! I cry when I see siblings on FB etc as it's really hitting home at the mo

Hi I am in a similar situation, I am also 43 and hating it!! We have a son and I constantly feel guilty for not giving him a sibling and I too find it very hard to look at bigger families. My husband has always said its my choice if we have another, which hasn't helped as I have been far too laid back about this thinking I have forever to decide. I never thought about it for years as I was very happy with one. Its the guilt, its not going away. I too don't know if its too late and we don't try much. I of course could do without pregnancy, labour and sleepless nights but its not going to happen without the first too! Do you think you could be happy with just one or is the feeling too strong? Its a nightmare I wish I wasn't in.

I was an only child and so is my daughter. There is no one "correct" family size, but I have never understood the idea that having one child is somehow less natural or a decision that requires explaining.
I would also gently push back against the idea of "giving" a sibling to your son. A child is not a gift to another child. There is no perfect family number that guarantees happy children. We often see what we want to see - if you're thinking about siblings, you notice happy siblings on Facebook. I bet, however, that you can also think of some siblings who can't stand each other and don't offer anything to each other's lives.
I wonder if perhaps you and your partner have problems to sort out that are exacerbated by the second-child problem, but that didn't start there. That's hard. But in terms of your son, it is very much possible for a child to be happy in any size family, including a one-child one.

I'm in your boat also. We are alittle younger (38 & 39) but OH doesn't want to have another and doesn't even want to entertain a convo about it anymore. He recently told me that he would totally understand if I wanted to leave him and find someone else to have another baby with. Which is not an option as I see that we committed to each other when we had our DC, and I'm not going to leave him to make a new family else where. But it breaks my heart that he doesn't even want to support me during this struggle. I'm finding it really hard to get over the fact that we're not going to have another. But he doesn't want to deal with it and I'm starting to resent him. It feels as though my feelings don't matter and his do. I tried to speak to him again the other day as was having a tough day and had been crying which he enquired about. But once I mentioned what was wrong he said "This again" and basically left the room. I don't really know what to do but it is just so hard. I wouldn't dream of making him change his mind as we all feel differently and this I totally understand. But as my partner I'm finding it hard to understand why he wouldn't want to support me and help me through this time.