I was monitored for much of the third trimester of my pregnancy because the foetus had stopped growing. It was decided I had pre-eclampsia and suddenly I had to have a c-section at 32 weeks. Because the ward had given me a drug that wasn't compatible with surgery I had to have a GA. I was shaking with fear as I was put under. Then they couldn't bring me round. Then I came round and all these tubes and wires were attached to me. The pain was horrific. I didn't see my baby for two days. I had attachment problems, PND, and I couldn't breastfeed. I hated it all. After 7 weeks my daughter came home and I hated babyhood. It was only when she started school that I began to like being a parent.
Yet a year after she was born my husband wanted another one. We lived in a 2 bed flat and our financial position wasn't brilliant. I also couldn't go through all that again. We argued. I would say to him, I almost fucking died you cretin, why try and put me through all that again? But his selfish viewpoint was that he wanted a boy. I said there was no guarantee that if we had another it would be a boy. He kept on and on, until I said, "You can keep badgering me for another baby, or you can leave." There was a period of sulking, but he stayed.
I think he never wanted a baby in the first place, or the compromise in his head was, ok, we can have one but it has to be a boy. Then we had a girl, so he thought he could keep hassling me until he got a boy.
He gets on very well with our daughter, they are a team. Because of my work he is her primary carer. I think he still resents me. But I don't care because he has always been a sulky bastard, and it's my fucking body thank you very much. Apart from this, we have a good marriage and we love each other very much. We are good parents to a brilliant teenage girl. I count my blessings.