Have you compromised on number of children?

[Koli]

Hi i’m Interested to hear from people who have found themselves wanting another child and their partner not. Or vice versa. Did you compromise? How did it affect your relationship?

My partner and I have a 9 month old and I would love to have another. My partner wasn’t hugely keen on having a baby as he a 10 year old from a previous relationship. I always stated from the beginning of our relationship I wanted to be a mother, and if he didn’t want anymore children then I wouldn’t continue the relationship. We were together 5 years before our son was born.

Anyway having a second child isn’t even up for discussion. If a friend asks us if we’ll have another, he immediately responds no way. I’m lucky to have my son, but think i’ll be longing for another

What’s your experience and how do you feel about it?

Hi,

I've not been in your position as dh and I both wanted another but couldn't due to infertility. I think that the person who doesn't trumps the person who does. So you need to think about what you can live with. Are you willing to settle with 1, and a step child or is this too big for you to overcome?

My dp didn't want another child and I did so we were in a similar situation.
My ds was in the neonatal unit due to complications at birth and my dp had PTSD and depression afterwards and really doesn't want to revisit that.
I am from a big family and really wanted more children and my son wants siblings- it is so hard as there's no compromise.
Making peace with it came down to two things - firstly I think it would be awful for a child to not be wanted and didn't want to pressurise my partner into something he didn't want so he would resent the second child.
Secondly, things are good now and pushing / threatening to leave etc just makes what we have sad and difficult so I've decided to make the best of it.
It's still my biggest sadness in life though.

My DH already had a much older child when DD was born - we have got a 10 year age gap so l was just getting started - he said if l got pregnant again that would be ok but he really wasn't fussed - l really wanted another one but mother nature had other ideas which as much as it upset me at the time, l think now is a good thing because l would hate to have had another one knowing he didn't really. Pretty sure l would have done most of the work which l might have resented. Dd is a really happy child and although much older, she does have a half brother so that is some comfort. Tough one.

DH always said no to another, mainly due to my PND and his difficult relationship with his sibling. We eventually (6 yrs later) ended up in marriage counselling for reasons including my resentment, my guilt for the (imagined) effect on DD and his frustration that I wasn't more affectionate (due to aforementioned resentment). Some days I would sit and sob while watching DD play alone. But then would it be better for her to have separated parents?
I accepted I would have to come to terms with this as time is running out- but 3 months ago quite out of nowhere he has agreed to try. Maybe he now has the perspective that the 'baby' part is relatively short? He would say now I am a new woman- my gratitude that he has put my happiness first is shown in our relationship every day, even if we do not conceive. We are all in a happier home. And he's actually quite excited now. If you do want another I cannot honestly promise that you will ever get over it and your partner needs to understand that and accept the impact it might have on your relationship. Obviously he has a right to say no, but he needs to be aware of the implications of his decision either way. It is almost like grief- you can't just be told to 'cheer up and move on'