Don't want a 2nd child??

[londongirl12]

I have a wonderful 2.5yo DS. My partner and I both work shifts (emergency services) so sometimes it's a struggle with childcare and having to swap shifts. We both adore our DS. But AIBU to not want a 2nd child? So many people keep asking so when are you going to have another? And then seem shocked when I say we don't. And then I feel guilty- am I being awful by not giving him a sibling? Will it affect him as he grows up? His birth wasn't best (forceps, scissors, horrendous SPD, you get where I'm coming from) and I just don't want to go through that again. I feel like I have so much love for him, I can't imagine another child in our lives. But I worry I'm getting older and I'll regret it. I feel so confused. I'm always trying to do what's best for him and I feel like I don't know.

Hi , I have no words of advice other than to say I have the same feelings and for some reason I feel so guilty for having those feelings!
I love my daughter , she is 16months old and I would love to give her a sibling but I just don't know if I could go through it all again with the newborn stage and the sleepless nights ..and then juggling two I feel so guilty for thinking that

I had a bad birth and a perfect DD. As a result I have no desire for a 2nd now. Lots of positives to having one!

YANBU. It’s perfectly fine to decide to have one child (or none, or many!). It’s a decision for you and your partner, and other people’s reactions or feelings are irrelevant. People only ask because they are making conversation and it’s more common to have further children but I’m sure (I hope) they don’t actually truly care about your family decisions.

Nope. Not a chance in hell I'm having another. The first 2 years were unbelievably hard and I can't imagine doing that all again now that we get a full night's sleep.

Plus the fact we really couldn't afford to. Nursery fees would bankrupt us, and we have a decent income jointly.

I really don't know how people have more than one, I really don't. They must be superhuman.

Hi, I was in your position, i had first baby (difficult birth and severe PND), I didn't want another but then four years later i had my second child. If I'm honest, it was in part because I wanted DD to have a sibling. We love our second just as much as our first, but I will admit that there have been times I've not coped so well with two.
If you do decide to try again, i wonder if you may be able to access counselling to help you come to terms with your previous difficult birth experience, I've been told that this can be offered but I haven't used it myself and imagine it may be different services available according to where you are in the country.

I don’t want another one either!!!! I love my kid and I loved having sisters but I do not want another horrendous birth or the new born stage or less money and time to spend with her.... i would rather concentrate on one and give her all I can. MIL and my mum has four kids and I think they’re insane tbh.... they keep saying “oh if you have another they can play with each other” but I’m quite happy to play with her myself and if she has a little pal I’ll have enough money to take them out.

People always ask questions:
Newly married: when are you having kids
1 kid: when are you having a second
2 kids the same sex: are you trying again.
So ignore that!

I would have another child if you want another child- you will love another child as much as your first and you could try and possibly work through a previously traumatic birth. But if you don’t want another child those points are redundant.

I feel the same, I feel like I don’t have enough love spare, she’s my entire world and the thought of her being sad that I couldn’t play or have enough time for her if I got pregnant breaks my heart!

Ahh your story is so similar to mine esp the pregnancy! Exact same labour too.

I got the "when are you having another one?" A lot! Now she's 7 I don't think I've been asked that question in a good 5 years. So they do get the hint eventually.

I'm starting nursing soon and I still couldn't dream of having a second. Maybe I'm the very far future who knows.

I have two close in age and i think (while it was really hard work when they were smaller) their relationship is so lovely to watch. They play together all day every day and i think it would be harder to just have one with no playmate and to be their main source of companionship.

I'm a firm believer in having a child because you want one not just to give another child a sibling. I'm close to my sister but have friends who can't stand their siblings. My mum is an only child. She has loads of friends and when her parents died she had her own family to help and comfort her. If you are happy with your little family as it is - stick with that.

Thank you everyone, you've made me feel better. I spent so much time when DS was little and still now, worrying about doing the right thing by him. I just can't imagine having enough love to go round.

I am an only child and really don't feel I missed out. I had lots of friends and I think I was more confident around adults as a child/teen because I spent more time with my parents. I now have two and, while I love them both dearly, I often wish we had only had one. They fight and are very jealous of each other. I always feel I can't give either of them as much as they need from me. If you are happy with your one DC don't allow other people to undermine your decision.

I did go on to have a second after declaring I would never! but I am an older parent (36 when I had my first), I'm glad I did as my mum died young and dh parents dead, I worried that first child would be lonely and I was an only until I was 10, I felt lonely and I was desperate for a sibling.

Im really close to my brother although 10 years younger with our mum gone (useless dad) Im not sure how I would cope without him.

Having one child is absolutely fine though and there is no need to justify to others about your choice.

'People always ask questions:
Newly married: when are you having kids
1 kid: when are you having a second
2 kids the same sex: are you trying again.
So ignore that!'

1. Is your dh having the snip now?

And to answer your thread now op. I think you have to do what you are comfortable with. I found having a baby a shock to the system as dc1 was very demanding and had colic etc, screamed for months and never slept! I said to everyone he would be an only child then in time I became conflicted. Eventually I decided my life had already been turned upside down so might as well have a second one. Thank goodness dc2 sleeps and is an easy baby compared to what dc1 was like. I now cannot imagine life without dc2 and seeing them both interact melts my heart and I know it would have been a mistake if I had have stopped at 1.

Your child doesn't need a sibling and you can't be sure they would get on. I on,y have one and would've had another but couldn't. My dc8 has a lovely life. She has lots of friends and is so sociable and confident. We spent yesterday at the beach and she made a friend- she always dies no matter where we go. She also has cousins who she loves spending time with.

I have 4 DC, if one is right for you and DH that's great. Find a few sentences to shut people down and enjoy your your family!!!

One that often works "I don't wish to discuss my sex life, but we can discuss yours if you like?"