Realisation that I only want one

[sexyomelette]

I feel like I've come to a decision that I only want one. I had an awful pregnancy and was very unwell and there are elements of motherhood I really struggle with and I just don't think I'd manage with two. It would put a huge strain on our finances and my mental health. I think I'd rather be the best I can for one child.

My child is still a toddler so maybe I'll change my mind but I'd been putting so much pressure on myself to have another just so my child can have a sibling.

However, I really feel like a weight has been lifted. Has anyone else felt like this after coming to this conclusion? And have you then wobbled?

I had a great pregnancy but a difficult birth and ended up with an EMCS as DC was in difficulty. I then had a massive haemorrhage.

As an older parent I decided that it would be better to not try again in case we were not so lucky next time.

Hi mum of one here.
Terrible post partum experience wont go into details and dc has an going medical condition needind ops and monitoring but in a stable place now.

For the first 2 years I was so caught up in the whirlwind of the above another child was far from my thoughts. Then dc had major surgery and all went well hospital visits ended etc and I had a wobble.
The whole of dc being 3 I desperately wanted another. To be honest it nearly drove me and dh apart I made threads on here about it etc but he was so set in not wanting to risk the same events of last time.

Then suddenly i came to peace with it. Dc reached 4 life became that notch easier again and now i think id be crazy to start it all again!! Like you I feel like a weight has been lifted and I am absolutely enjoying life with my 4yo and dh. Felt like this for about 9 months now. I dont get the broodiness that engulfed me for so long I am genuinely looking forward to the rest of my life with no babies
Dont know how long youve had this "weight lifted" experience but I am confident- knowing how my menstrul cycles affected my brooodiness- that if im around 9m in without changing that Im set on thia path now

It is such a personal decision isn't it. If I'm honest I've known deep down that I only want one but I've felt an obligation to have another so that my child has a sibling.

I realised that pushing myself to have two may push my mental health too far and that will negatively impact my wonderful child. I had a pregnancy scare recently and was so freaked out I felt so relieved when I got my period.

I also know quite a few people who are only children who are happy and balanced adults.

Really interesting about the menstrual cycle, I will have to pay attention @jetsetter87

For the past few months, I’ve been agonising over the decision as to whether to have a second (DD turns 3 this month). About a week ago, I thought I was pregnant and I absolutely FREAKED. OUT. I cried for 3 days straight and couldn’t sleep for thinking ‘what on earth have I done?’. When my late period finally came I could have kissed the packet of Always in sheer glee! It was then I finally knew that I only wanted one child and realised how blissfully happy we are as a little family of 3. The relief I have felt since has been wonderful, it’s a total weight lifted.

@SugarPlum10 Yep same, I was terrified I'd have to go through pregnancy and the baby phase again. Never been so happy to get my period!

I absolutely love being a mum but already feel it pushes me to my limits. I know in my heart want I want I just feel guilt that I need to give my child a sibling.

But guilt isn't a reason to have another and that realisation is quite freeing.

I have one and I really enjoy it. He's only 3 so I may well change my mind but at the moment, I am satisfied with what I've got. I don't have a longing for another baby and I know DH isn't keen. We don't have much money and our house isn't that big. Those aren't the sole reasons but they definitely count! I adore my son more than I can say, so there is no sense of regret or anything.
Everyone tries to change my mind though. My parents keep on telling me how much DS would love a little sibling, my MIL always asks when we are having the next one etc. No one seems satisfied that, at least for now, were quite content!

Great decision OP! I think one is great.

We have a second child who can't stand the first born. So don't think that having a second one will necessarily make a playmate for the first child.

I was in the one or none camp. The one I’m having now is a great surprise, as I’m 44. Pregnancy has been easy, I’m hoping the birth goes well & that Baby is in good health. That’s all I can wish for.
Mum is an only child, and when she married Dad (sixteen when she met him) she took on his many siblings as her family / sisters. So, I think this kid will be okay, I worry more about being older parents, TBH.

We have a 16 year old after a wonderful pregnancy but terrible birth which I won't go into. I decided as I was being stitched up that was it for me, and thankfully DH raised the subject first saying he couldn't put me through or watch me go through that again.

DS is just lovely, we're a little team, the 3 amigos, he's never asked about siblings, has loads of friends, we've been able to afford for him to do any and every extra curricular activity he's ever wanted to try. He's not at all spoiled (that seems to be the assumption online, never experienced that assumption in real life though), he barely ever asks us for anything material. We've never regretted only having one for a second.

I felt the same, OP, when I realized that I only wanted one. I actually wouldn't mind having another whack at childbirth, but cant be arsed being pregnant, and more importantly I simply don't want to parent another baby.

DD is 4 now, and we're very happy as a family of three. DH was an only child and was happy, I was one of two and was happy. We have left a pin in the idea of adopting maybe in the future but I'm never getting pregnant again.

I had a terrible birth and postnatal experience after a very easy pregnancy. I knew leaving the hospital that I could never go through it again. I had quite an intense grieving-like (?) period for the children that I will never have when dc was about 5-6 months but then I made peace with it. I would be devastated to find myself pregnant now!

Really good to find this thread. I always imagined having more than one child but then I also thought I’d use cloth nappies- ha ha! I had horrible postnatal depression that really dragged on & I’m also older so don’t have the option of leaving a bigger age gap. But even with those things aside I’ve been feeling that we don’t need another child & feel complete as a family. I can really relate to the feeling of relief!
I do worry about my daughter not having a sibling, I think that would be the only reason for doing it & I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason. I would also hate for my daughter to suffer if a new baby put pressure on my mental health. I guess not everyone gets on with their siblings & from looking on here some only children love it & some hate it. Most people we know are sensitive about not asking about if/ when we are having another but I have found that some random people feel the need to say that we ‘must have another one.’

Yes, completely agree all of you; happy mum = happy child and I too feel I may go slightly off the rails if I had another lol. I have found the following article to be particularly helpful in affirming my decision to myself, thought you may like to read too: www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/im-a-better-mother-because-i-only-have-one-child/

We've stick with one too, neither of us wanted another luckily. A friend has a plaque thing in her house saying something like 'you always friend if you have a brother' but Ive read too many threads on here to know siblings aren't always guaranteed to get along.

@SugarPlum10 thanks that's a great article!

@SugarPlum10.. Just read this article and it's very enlightening.

This is what I'm currently going through..

"It’s not uncommon for a woman to experience feelings of loss when she lets go of past expectations she had for her family.”

Letting go of what I expected is the hardest part. It's like a sense of bereavement.
I have horrific hormone issues the closer I get to menopause and this article has really helped. Thank you for posting it.

The bit about MH really resonates.

I have a 13 mo DD and I think we will stop at one as well. I had severe antenatal anxiety and depression but, touch wood, did fine after the birth. However, I am the eldest child of three and my mother had what I now suspect was serious and untreated PND after each of my siblings. It really impacted me growing up, and in some ways still does.

While things probably wouldn’t be allowed to go as far these days, with HVs and GPs being more aware of postnatal MH, I just can’t bear the idea that my own MH could do even the slightest bit of damage to DD. Especially as DH and I don’t feel an overly strong desire for a second.

Just have remember how so many siblings Abs hate eachother, I’m sure more do than dont 😂 they’ll get to 5 and desperately think they want in fact need a sibling but as someone else pointed out their toys will no longer be their own and they’ll have to share their parents too when in fact an occ friend over may just suffice and then they go home. I had a terrible birth also and my MH also has taken a bashing and I’m just starting to feel normal again, I have to remind myself that I never want to feel like that again. For me one is enough x x x

We have one (3)

I had a wonderful pregnancy, a textbook birth, no issues in early parenting - I just don't want another.

Our parents are 300+ miles away, we have no additional help, we both work full time, and another would just tip us into unmanageable.

So we're 'one and done' and we love it. No soul searching or hand wringing. Just happy with us three.

My only is 5, when he was younger I desperately wanted to give him a sibling, DH felt it wasnt the right decision and we couldn't agree, it was hard, DS was a very demanding baby and terribly stubborn 2 year old! As he got older, he has turned into a total charmer, very knowledgeable about his special interests, very sure of his opinions. He is also very firmly on the spectrum, having multiple challenges surrounding motor skills and hyperactivity, and I don't think he would cope at all well with a baby invading his home space! He needs things to be the same and we can give him that stability as a triangle family and I've realised that I no longer want another baby, starting again now fills me with dread, for the impact on me but crucially on DS (although he does ask about a brother, which breaks my heart a little bit!) I am an only child and, although I was cross for about a year as an 8 year old because I didn't have a sister, I've never missed having a sibling and I'm not lonely as an adult because of it. We had amazing family holidays instead and my parents could help more with uni tuition fees. Also, one child families are saving the already overpopulated planet!