Feeling guilty for only wanting one baby

[Kelcat9494]

Hello everyone,
After reading this thread I feel a bit guilty - I only want one child, not because of any infertility issues or financial issues I just want one.
I'm an only child but my husband is one of three boys, he told me how he had to share his room, his computer, his parents couldn't afford certain things as they had three kids to pay for - my up bringing was very different I had my own room, my own computer, we went on holiday every year. I only want one so I can give him/her everything I had? Is this selfish? (I'm only 6 weeks pregnant so jokes on me if it's twins )

Your reasons are clearly not selfish at all! Whether your child will actually be happy as one, I can't tell! I think it is perfectly reasonable.

Why think about it so early op? You haven't got through one yet!

You may not be comparing apples with apples though with regard to yours and DH's backgrounds. Unless all other factors were equal and the only difference was the number of children each family had as opposed to say wildly different household incomes or expenses it's difficult to say if the difference between your childhoods was purely down to number of children. Income/expenses/life choices etc will all play a part in whether you can give one or three children their own room/compute/annual holidays. About the only thing you can say with any great certainty is that there is very likely to be more parent time available to an only child than one of three but even then life choices might mean that's not the case. It's entirely up to the two of you to decide how many children you'd like, I just wonder if you are over simplifying things in your thinking.

Of course it’s not. If that is all you want, that is all you want. There’s nothing wrong with it.

I have two myself but I always knew I wanted children. I was an only child for almost seven years before my sister was born and I wanted a sister, but it wasn’t anything like I expected. I felt very lonely. My sister was premature so needed a lot of care in the beginning which cost money . I was often left to do things on my own or to take care of myself. It didn’t help that my mother often favoured my sister and gave her more leeway than she ever did me and my sister knew it and was happy to bully me knowing she could get away with it. We didn’t want for anything or were poor; but the dynamic wasn’t great with such an age gap and that was more on my parents than anything else.

My sons are about 2/3 years apart (2.5 and 5 yo) and are much closer than my sister and I ever were.

We always said we’d like just one child. I was then sick every day for 7 months of my pregnancy and had a traumatic birth. So we are still pretty sure we are one and done! But my DD is incredible, without a doubt the best thing we have ever done, and I can see me thinking a second is a good idea in a few years 😂

The planet will thank you, OP! We are already overpopulated to the extent of needing two and a half planet Earths to give every current human a decent western lifestyle.
Climate change, pollution, and wars over limited resources are the inevitable future if we don’t get numbers stabilised and dropping.
Women are limiting family size as a global trend, but there’s still a long way to go.

I only have and want the one child. I've had so many people tell me I'm being selfish, and how it's mean towards my daughter. I disagree.
The way I look at it is, I refuse to feel guilty for making a decision that both me and DH feel is best for our little family.

It’s not selfish but you could change your mind. There’s plenty of time and accidents do happen, people have big age gaps and some people know right from the start and stick to just the one. There’s no formula.

OP I am exactly the same :) glad it's not just me! I'm slowly learning to not make excuses or lie when people ask when I'm having another ( boys 2years)