One baby vs costs of another

[Pippinsqueak]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it but here goes.

We have a 16 month old daughter, originally we said we only wanted one, but recently my husband has been saying we should have a second one in the next couple of years.

Amongst reasons such as he has a great relationship with this brothers, we both work in health care and see the effects of people who have no siblings/family once parents die etc. We are a very very small family as it is.

Part of me would love another one but also the financial impact worries me. Money is already tight, budgeted etc. We don't claim any benefits and unless my husband lost his job as well as me, and we lost the house we re not enintled to diddly squat (not the issue bear with me).

I worry that if we have another one, I would definitely have to give up work (childcare costs would equal my wages) but we can't survive on his wage alone, I wouldn't be entitled to any help so it seems the choice of having another one has been taken out of my hands.

Has anyone else come up against this? Found a way through or any advice?

Btw I don't want the state to pay for my children or for me to stay at home etc before anyone says. This is a genuine costs vs having another baby

Childcare costs are temporary, they reduce dramatically once they're at school. They can do full days at school from 3 now (depending on your area). So you could think about a second once DD is nursery age (or 9 months before) and you're only paying for before/after school care.

Have you researched all the childcare options? Possibly savings to be made there.

But undoubtedly two children are more expensive than one, across the board, not just childcare.

Oh yes I know more expensive overall not just childcare lol

I remember the "she had one, I want one" or the "we did it for you, we ll gave to do it for your sister too" thing.

The thing also puts me off is that my sister and I don't have a close relationship, never have, slightly better as adults though

Will have to think

Ignoring childcare I’m not sure how much more expensive two kids are. More, but definitely not double.

Most stuff can be handed down (buy unisex whenever you can). Clothes, bikes. Toys can be shared.

Some one-child families spend more on activities. Two kids are more likely to entertain each other. (Generalisation but true for many families I know). I reckon the total cost is similar.

A lot of holiday cottages etc have space for two kids if they’re big enough for one.

If you want different bedrooms and don’t have a 3 bed house then that is a major expense.

If you waited until your dd was 2.5, then you’d go back to work when she was 3 and entitled to some free childcare.

I think the real expense of two kicks in when they're teens (particularly if you've got a boy and a girl, or just two who have very different interest in clothes). But you'd have time to save/work your way up at work etc. Plus no childcare once they're teens.

You just have to wait until you get your free hours when they’re 3 like most that I know

I think that you should have another child if you want another one, not because you should or because your first child needs a sibling. Cost wise, I find that if you’ve already gone part time and/or pay for childcare you’ve taken the biggest hit. I don’t find feeding and clothing it too bad at all.

Hi,
I'd say that yes childcare costs maybe temporary, but likelihood is that you'll need wraparound childcare throughout primary school too, so they don't disappear.
Plus as children age, the costs increase. For example, a toddler you could buy for Christmas for £50. Even a young school age child it's a lot harder for less than £150. My lo asked for a tablet this last year, so suddenly the main present was £130. Bikes etc are at least this too and last a couple of years. All mounts up.
Hand me downs is great, if same gender and same body shape etc.

Likewise, holidays you may get child free places but that stops at some point and you'll be paying for 4 not 3.

The day to day costs would obviously increase too. Not just nappies etc initially, but longer term food etc. My 5 year old honestly eats more and better than I do. But giving a healthy diet is bloody expensive. My child alone eats probably £10 a week in fruit and veg alone. That's before you get to junk food etc that's inevitable.

Days out are expensive with older children. You'd be looking at £200-250 to get into a main amusement Park for 4.

all considerations. But if you want a child and are willing to make the necessary sacrifices and you can make it work, then you need to work out how you'll do it. Because finances are important.

I have one child. I can provide my child with the opportunities that I wish to. I'm sad they don't have a sibling as I have a very close relationship with all of mine. But I can give the greatest give to this one - all of my time, love and attention as well as opportunities that would be reduced otherwise.... I 🥴

Agree on the holidays and food etc.

But a £150 at Christmas for a young primary age child and a new bike every two years is in the 'absolutely not necessary' category of parenting.

My young primary child has asked for a tablet/iPad/x-box and various things for Christmas. I said no.

@NuffSaidSam
I too didn't get the tablet easily. But in the world we live nowadays technology is part of every day life. And our children need to be on an equal playing field as much as possible , but also not stand out from their peers so extensively.
You may not provide a new bike for your child, but I personally see this as a basic expectation and should be encouraged. We as a family unit use them a lot and exercise is key. So yes the cost does need factoring in.

They all have bikes, we just don't buy new. Because they don't need shiny new bikes, they just need ones that work and are the right size. There is an excellent market in second hand bikes because, as you say, they grow out of them quickly!

Totally agree they need access to technology. A primary age child doesn't need their own £130 tablet though.

Brand new bikes and expensive tablets per child are absolutely, entirely optional.

If your DD is already 16 months old you don't need to have two lots of nursery fees at once. If you both work you will be eligible for 30 free hours per week of childcare, so that helps, as does two lots of child benefit. You could also time your second pregnancy to coincide with your DD starting school.

As for other costs, there are some savings with #2, particularly if they are the same sex as your first DC. You've got all the baby stuff, pram, car seat, cot, clothes, toys, etc and many clothes, books and toys can continue to be passed down from #1 to #2. If you BF the milk is free, but if you bottle feed you've got that cost. DC travel free and have free entry to most things while their

*they're

This is exactly how i was feeling about a year after having DS! I still feel it now and DS is 6. I had him at 41 and we never had another and tbh i massively regret it now. We couldn't have another for so many reasons and like you it came down to cost. We never had our own house until 2 years ago and now i'm too old to risk another. What i really wanted was to see what another baby would look like and for DS and them to grow up together. I wish i could turn back the clock.
So don't be like me, OP! Don't leave it and end up with regrets.
Good luck x

Thank you all thank you @zafferana you do put things in perspective and make me think I can do this! My husband is always of the mentality of "we ll get by" which is weird as his parents went bankrupt, lost their house and he had to live in a bed sit with drug users at the age of 8. Neither parent recovered financially after this, spilt and both on benefits. That's not how I want to end up.

Plus this coronavirus situation has thrown light on the fact we have no savings. Something always breaks down, needs fixing etc.

I hear what other people say about not leaving it,

Are there stipulations on the 30 hr free childcare? My husband works full time and I work 30 hrs a week

www.gov.uk/30-hours-free-childcare