The positives of one a child family

[dramarama6]

My child is 18 months and as yet I have no desire for a second and actually I've been thinking a lot lately about just sticking with one.

I had a difficult pregnancy so am worried about going through again but this time with a child. We are comfortable in our current financial situation but adding another child would stretch us. I love my child more than anything but I find being a mother hard and testing, I like having a balance with my work and a little time for myself (as don't have family close by) and I also have issues with anxiety which I've got under control at the moment.

Is it selfish to just have the one out of choice? Will be child be at a disadvantage?

I know people will say that only I can make the decision but it's helpful to air these thoughts. I can see the benefits to my child of financial security and more of our time but worry as we get older they'll be lonely. However, I worry with two I'll struggle.

What I resent is the pressure society and other people put on parents of only children to have more

I think posters know some horrible people. I can honestly say that I never had any pressure to have more than one. That said, everyone knew that we had infertitily issues and DD wasn't born until I was 41.

I don't judge people for having large numbers of children. (I just wonder why though, I couldn't be bothered with all the drudgery )

I was once followed through a toy shop (as I tried to back away) by a nanny from kiddy football class that I was on nodding terms with who started barraging me with 'why you have only one?' 'you much have more' ' shame to have one''YOU WILL REGRET ONE'...

Lord alone knows why she decided to do this, especially when I had just told her that my mum had died a couple of days before and I was organising a funeral.

Some people just open their stupid mouths and let their belly rumble as my mum used to say).

Mind your own sodding business!

I agree Drama. I've been asked or even told by several people that I'll have another one. Let alone being called all sorts as an only child. Spoilt, socially inept, etc etc. All by people who don't know me at all. There is stigma attached to choosing to have one child. A friend of mine has a sibling. She loves being alone and enjoys fairly solitary quiet hobbies. Her parents kept telling her to play with her sister and in the end she said she felt they had her just to play with her sibling so they wouldn't have to. I thought that was an interesting take on it.

I think most people find their partners a greater day-to-day support than siblings in a crisis. My mum spent ages during her mother’s illness trying to keep her brother in the loop but it was actually just more work for her - if she’d been an only child, she could have made decisions herself (as the person living nearest and doing all visiting/care) and my dad would have supported her.

When I look at what we have done for DS and his relationship with us, I wonder why my parents had so many kids. They loved us all, but we weren't the Waltons. I don't ever remember mum or dad playing with us (too busy) or taking us to clubs/classes.

When I was 11 I was asked to join a particular sports squad. Mum said no way, (two towns over, training several times a week...) - only later I met someone who worked her socks off to get into this squad and couldn't believe that a) I was invited to join and b) I refused. I'd jump at the change for DS to get the opportunity to do anything at a high level.

I was also a not bad gymnast - well I had potential, as I was told by a gym teacher who I happened to bump into on holiday and she watched me tackle some gymnastics equipment that was next to the beach. It was the rings - always loved them - and I was trying out the moves I'd seen on TV (god knows how I managed them, but I was killing myself to do it as I loved flying through the air). I don't think my parents even knew.

I always played on my own. I guess when you are the youngest in a crowd (and let's face it, some kids are just horrible to their younger siblings, parents don't have time, etc) you can just be desperate for some peace and quiet.

And to be honest - when I look at the time we spend with DS, the relationship we have with him now that he is a teen, all that we have done to provide him the best we can... I do wonder why on earth my parents had so many kids. They loved us all, but there just wasn't the time to take kids to classes (I was asked to join a particular sports squad - mum said no, there wasnt time to take me training several times a week 2 towns over - later I met someone from the squad who couldnt believed that a) I was

OOPs - dont know why that happened . My laptop 'ate' one post, but there it is...

@Lordfrontpaw is it possible if she was a nanny, she wanted a new job. With 2, you are more likely to require a nanny. Sounds really desperate though.

No, she seemed quite fine with her family and they were from the same country as she was and I was a sahm mum at that stage. She was just a little 'blunt'.