Not sure whether to have another... would you?

[Wolfgirrl]

Hi lovely MNers,

Hope you are all okay and holding up in these crazy times...

I was always one of those people that wanted a baby at around 30 - I brought my plans forward slightly due to DP's age (he is mid 40s, I am late 20s) and the fact it was a convenient time career-wise to take maternity leave. Got pregnant immediately and our lovely DD was born last summer. She is fine but pregnancy was a bit complicated as I am type 1 diabetic.

Since she was born DP and I have gone from strength to strength and we are getting married later this year. We are a really happy home, DD is a delight and we have a nice lifestyle.

Just recently my mind has turned to whether to expand our family. I dont feel 'done' having babies if you know that feeling? Selfishly I would love another but also because I think it would be lovely to have a sibling for DD. Main reason would be for me though. DP ultimately feels it is my choice but can see pros and cons.

I have lots of worries about it though including my health - I was lucky DD is fine but do I roll the dice again? It also wouldn't be so convenient for me to take another year of maternity leave work-wise. Also our home life is so lovely and calm with one I worry another would tip the balance into chaos!

We know we need to decide soon due to DP's age and the fact we are looking to move house, need to decide how many bedrooms etc.

May I ask your thoughts, and how you find being a one child family? If you wouldn't mind sharing the ups and downs I would be really grateful.

Thanks!

I am a single mum, so in a different situation.
My DS is 2 and I work pt, with no family support (I'm not with the father of the child - it was not planned).
My life is so full, I can't imagine having time & love for another. For me it's a perfect balance of the time I can spend on my DS and the time I get to spend on myself socialising and my hobbies.
I have a dog as well and a lodger who helps with childcare for me so I can go for a run/meet friends in the evening, the dog and lodger help make the house feel like a family home and are company/playmates for my son.
If I had another I'm sure that would change the rest of my life, I've always wanted a daughter, so there is a little regret there that I can't have both, but my DS is so loving and full of life & fun, I don't feel he is missing out on having a sibling -because I have worked hard to extend my social life with other local families since he was born so we have people to go to festivals/camping/activities together. Juggling two wouldn't work for me.
Plus I want to be able to help DS financially in the future, which I wouldn't be able to do if I had another.
I appreciate things are very different if you have an engaged dh - having a true partner willing to pull their weight I would happily have another, or even adopt a child.
In your position I would try for another if you feel you will always regret not having another.

Thanks @ifowaa for your reply, sounds like you are doing a fab job of striking a balance.

I spoke to DP about this today and I think he is personally erring on not to. So I guess that is that 🤷‍♀️ nice to have someone make your mind up for you sometimes!

Being an only child isn’t the end of the world. Sounds like you may now go down that route. It’s fine if dc has lots of quality time with dm and df and plenty friends and organisations to go to (if your dc likes that kind of thing).

I would definitely have another. I have one and at the time (when I could due to being with her dad) I didn’t. My worries were money and extra cost silly things as things would have been fine! She’s now 5 & I’m single and I can see some pros to being an only child but speaking from 1/4 siblings although felt like 2 due to large age gap between. I still wish for a second child and I wouldn’t rule it out even now. I feel having siblings even just 1 outweighs the negatives of having 2 children. They have someone to play with along my toe there’s children but times like this they are all playing with their own siblings. Friends will never be the same as siblings.

@Yellowpath I totally can relate. I too wish I had another when the option was available. My child is now 5. When your child is under 3 it seems harder but once your child gets to 5 you can see how some mums have children close together as the demanding stage does get easier and at least they are grow up together.

No amount of fancy holidays could buy a sibling I’m one of 4. If the opportunity come by for me to have another in the next couple of years I would consider it.

I’m trying for another because I feel I’m not done and when I look further down the line I think I would regret it if I didn’t. Everyone I’ve spoken to said they knew when they were done and I definitely think I would be after 1 more

Just to add DS is 6 but a biggish age gap has always been my preference

Hi op. Mum of one here. Dc is 4
I will NOT be having another
All of 2019 however was me wanting another baby. It was TOUGH. Dh and i almost split over this the pull for another baby was so strong.

Dh was absolutely certain he didnt want another baby. His reasons were/are valid

Now I have accepted no more babies and am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. More disposable income. More time for DC. I am doing a professional qualification.
There were also some very serious health considerations on mine and DC part post labour. This worries dh and i appreciate that

Therefore i will not roll that dice again. I have made my peace with that and now look forward to a happy life with pur family of 3

We had DD and decided to have another, I absolutely LOVE seeing them together! The relationship is already there and they love each other so much! DS cannot even crawl yet and he is already trying to follow her around!

My DSis has one and although they have a fab lifestyle and their DC gets everything they want DC does seem lonely at times and adores spending as much times as possible with our 2!

I would and did. DH didn't really have a preference, though he was the keener of the two of us to have DC1, so I felt me being keener for DC2 kinda balanced things out in a weird way iyswim...

Because I'm very close to my sister, I strongly wanted to give DC1 the same opportunity (even though I know it doesn't always pan out like that etc). Plus I'm fairly introverted and I didn't feel like I could or wanted go that extra mile to the organise extra playdates, holiday companions etc that I think parents of only children need to do to ensure their children don't miss out socially. Seemed easier just to have another ourselves! We have two lovely boys and very happy with how it's panned out but I'm definitely done now.