Feeling guilty in lockdown with my only

[juston]

We have 1 dd who is nearly 7. We did try again a few years ago but had a loss. Started trying again a few months ago but this covid 19 stuff panicked me and I decided we would put ttc on hold ( don't really have time to do so but thought too risky)

I feel so guilty for my dd when I watch her playing on her own. This lockdown has highlighted it so much especially as dh and I can't play very much as we are both working in stressful jobs from home

We are doing zoom calls with her friends and grandparents but I feel really sorry for her and I'm beating myself up about it..

Anyone else?

This is an unprecedented global pandemic, she is safe at home with her parents being feed,looked after and loved.

You are doing a great job and that's what she will remember from this time .

I feel sorry for DS and am having overwhelming moments of guilt. However, most of my friends with more than one are messaging me saying that their children won’t stop bickering and are not enjoying each other’s company at all- so it’s balancing itself out for me.

I’m guessing that as it’s the weekend you can have lots of family time to make up for the solo playing?

Similar thoughts here too. Video calling has been key (we use WhatsApp or messenger). Our dd and her best friend set up tablets at one end of their room and played together remotely with their Our Generation dolls.
It made me teary, but it also made me realise she is a lot more resilient than I give her credit. It was so sweet to watch.

I have moments of guilt but also thankfulness. My mum is high risk so we have to get food for her and it means I can get everything in one shop a week for us and her without risking going to multiple places. My husband still luckily still has a job for the moment but if he loses it I only have tommy daugther to feed not multiple. The craft/ learning books etc will last a lot longer.

It's so hard for everyone at the moment but now is not the time to think about what we should have done, no one could of prepared for this. You do not need to beat yourself up xxx

I just posted because my two kids won’t stop fighting! I think there’s pluses and minuses for either. But I’m about to lose my marbles with all the arguing and bickering going on in my house...

Juston, in all honesty, whatever the family set up most of us feel guilty! I was an only child. Sometimes I was bored (like children who have siblings) but never lonely. The best skill I have is that I am able to amuse my self. Your daughter won't remember her childhood as not having a brother or sister. She will remember being loved, cared for and safe.

You are enough

Thanks for the replies so far I'm already feeling better

Yes I'm sure it's tough for everyone and those with more kids are finding them bickering or bored of each other .. I hadn't thought of that

I am the lone parent of a 5 year old and wfh, I completely understand where you are coming from OP.

I have given DS plenty of activities, netflix, Disney+ but all he wants to do is play with me. So each evening before I cook tea I make a real big point of playing with him, board games, hot wheels cars anything he wants. Then I cook tea and we eat together chat and then play till bed time at 8pm.

It's the only thing that's helping me with my guilt.

My only 6 yo said to me yesterday mummy I really really miss my friends. I really don't want to be alone anymore. Please take me back to school.

We're FaceTiming whoever will have us and getting out but live rurally so really see no one else.

I feel awful. She's very sociable as am I so we normally spend every weekend or school break meeting up with as many people as possible: this has turned her little world upside down.
I am grateful we are safe and well but I am finding this very difficult to explain as she seems to think I'm responsible.

Oh I feel for you, jupiter!

It’s really hard for them to understand. We went out for our walk today, and my younger tried to run up to another boy and play and I had to stop him. Obviously he can’t do that, but kids don’t really understand it.

It's not easy. I have a nine year gap between my kids so it's like having 2 only children.. The youngest who is just 4 is sooo clingy with me now. I have to play all day. He keeps asking if friends can come over. I'm worried about him starting school in September and that he will have lost all his social skills by then as he hasn't played with anyone his own age. However, he told me he is having a nice 'holiday' and that he likes mummy playing with him lots. So maybe it's just my mum guilt and all in my head!

Meanwhile I'm worried that my 13 year old is becoming a total screen addict. Always something to worry about, I feel stretched in all directions.

I've one dc8 and honestly I've never felt so relieved to only have one (wanted more but couldn't). Homeschooling relatively easy, they can watch a film or play and let me get on with my work. We have a bike ride every PM and we deliver letters to her friends houses and wave through the window along with FaceTime calls to friends and cousins.

My friends who have 2+ are tearing their hair out trying to teach 2/3/4 different sets of work, plus the non stop bickering! They are constantly moaning (for want of a better word) on WhatsApp and I can't join in on the moaning, as aside from the worry over COVID we're having a nice, calm time. I think there's no guarantee your children would play and entertain each other.

I feel awful for my only DD, even though she seems happy enough with me and my other half, I just wish she had someone to play with! Doesn't help hearing all the other brothers and sisters playing in the garden, just makes me feel more crap!

I feel dreadful for my 6 year old DD too. She mostly seems quite content and is loving being at home with Mum and Dad but the thought that she might not play with another child for months makes me so sad. I'm worried that it might have a negative effect on her social skills somehow as well. She's not really a big chatterbox and a bit of a dolly daydream so whilst we're trying to get her to video chat with some of her friends, I'm not sure she's really that into it. Having worked full time since she was 1, I am loving getting to spend so much time with her though 😍

Hi I too feel guilty for not giving my 8 year a sibling and I have been trying to decide for years if we should try or not, my husband thinks we should. We have always had a good bond and I never wanted ro 'ruin' it by bringing in another child. Don't get me wrong its sooo easy having one and we have had a great time but I worry when he plays on his own and I hear siblings play together and I feel guilty again! I do love having time to myself and as a couple but I worry about the future of him being alone and left to look after us. I know mums whose kids don't get along so I know there is no guarantee. Why am I taking about 5 years and I still can't decide. Is this normal?

Hi I feel your pain, I have one and hearing others play with their siblings is hard. I feel lonely for him.

I’d just like to say, as the mother of an only daughter (now grown up) what great, caring mothers you all sound. This situation is not your fault and you are doing your very best to make your children feel loved and supported. You are making sure they see people via FaceTime and are doing everything you can. I can imagine just how hard it must be to cope with it all. I worried about my daughter being on her own, but she has good friends and a good job. We are very close. Your child always knows that you have time to listen, talk and play with them and they always will know. All the very best to all of you.

Had quite a difficult day with my only child age 6 today. He was frankly a bit obnoxious. We all have bad days but if he’d been at school with friends or if he had a sibling he’d have been put in his place today. Told he was not nice and given what for.
I do try and we do have boundaries but ultimately he knows he has our unconditional love. I really feel as the months go on and on that he needs to be around other kids who won’t tolerate him being horrid. How can he learn what it takes to get along with peers or equals when he’s only ever with his parents. It’s been three months and will be another two still. I worry that he won’t be able to rekindle friendships after this period.