How did you know?

[Newmum26]

How did you make the decision to just gave one child?
Do you regret anything? Or feel sad that your child won't experience having a sibling to grow up with and play with or be there for them?
We have a DS who will be 3 in May and I still don't know if we want another or not!
I would like our son to have a sibling and he loves babies when ever he sees them so I think he would make a great caring and loving big brother. I also would quite like to do it all again and experience pregnancy and birth etc again.
However I don't know if we could go through the newborn stage again with all the sleepless nights, night feeds, teething, working your days around feeds and naps etc.
We have a good routine and are enjoying holidays together and this would change for a while if we were to have another.
I know ultimately it's our decision and no one can make it for us, I Am just looking for some advise or if anyone else felt torn? Reasons for only having one and any regrets? Thanks in advance

Does it feel as though anyone is missing? After we had our son it was lovely but as time passed it felt as though someone was missing. We weren’t thinking would it be nice for him to have a sibling. It just felt that we were missing a person. After much effort and loss we had our baby girl and nobody felt missing anymore so we stopped there.

OP I felt very conflicted up until dc was about 2 and then finally made my mind up to try for a second child (I still had doubts as I was scared to death if I would cope with 2 and dreaded right back to square 1 when dc was finally sleeping and things were easier.)
Dc2 is now 3 months old and do I regret it? Not for one second. Dc1 adores him and dc2 has just slotted right in. My family felt incomplete without a second dc which was the deciding factor.
Is it tough? Yes it was at first I'm not going to lie especially the lack of sleep! However things have got alot better and more settled. I feel better quicker than I did the first time around as well. Going back to all the stages I dreaded has been so much easier the second time around as well because I've done it before. It is also found to muxh quicker too. I love being a family of 4.

going so much quicker*

OP, I'm in exactly the same boat. My DS turns 3 in June. I change my mind every other day but I'm really leaning towards a second this week due to what others have said. My family doesn't feel complete to me. Of course I must consult my husband who is also on the fence... It's really tough, isn't it?

I don't regret it. At the time I agonised over it but then got to the stage of us doing ok and me being so well, I couldn't face going through all that again. I did have a phase of being broody but that didn't last, thankfully.

There were quite a few only children throughout my son's school years, I also worked with other parents of an only. He was happy, always had lots of friends, well integrated so no regrets.

Bit late now to have regrets anyway :-).

I'm thankful to have had one when so many people want just that - a child.

I wouldn’t say I 100% ‘know’, but I haven’t felt a twinge of broodiness since DD (now 4) was born. It doesn’t feel like there’s someone missing, as others have said. There are sound financial and health reasons for us to stick at one, but even if there weren’t, I just don’t feel like I want another baby. If you actually want one,I would go for it, but not simply to give your existing child a sibling - you need to want a second child because YOU want one.

Good thread!

I have a baby DS, we had ivf and have 3 embryos in the freezer, DH is keen to try ivf ASAP. I'm genuinely not sure if I want another, though I feel selfish on DH and DS

I feel alot more certain I won't have a 3rd dc too where as I always felt conflicted about a second so know it was the right decision. It is really nice seeing all of dc1's things being used again and i finally feel complete. I feel I will enjoy things more now I know I'm finished having dc and can just enjoy raising dc 1&2.

Our DS is 2 I have no urge to have another baby yet and I doubt I will. Our son fits so well into our routine as we can both still work full time with grandparent help and we can still do all the things we do before.
Hes so amazing and I just cant picture another baby right now... although I would love to do it all again I know live would have to change dramatically financially and I honestly think I am happier with just one :) xx

We couldn’t decide and I also thought we were lucky enough to conceive number 1 after many years

We were split but in the end decided we would give it 6 laid back months of trying and that will be our answer. If I get pregnant we should have a second and if it doesn’t happen then we are happy testing with one.

Turns out it happened first try.
I’m now panicking coming up to nearing the birth that we have ruined it for our gorgeous number 1 child who will now have to share our love and their toys.

I think it must be one of the hardest decisions to make.
Which is partly why we let nature decide

Its my DH who knew and Ive accepted it. I have ine dc aged 4 and shes amazing funny perfect little girl. I have a good life and DH loves his life he doesnt feel it would be better with another infact he thinks it would be more challenging and a thought i get broody occasionally i need to accept this as it takes 2 to decide to have a baby.
As time has gone on and I get to lie in bed till 10 on a sunday i do think id be daft to go back to baby years again. So i know then that I am done

It also depends on the child in question. For instance dc1 i love more than life itself but he has always been extremely demanding; a high needs miserable baby and now stubborn demanding toddler. If I had have gone by my first experience I would not have had anymore. I'm pleased I did though as dc2 is a happy easy child and it is a completely different experience this time around; he just fits right in. It's lovely to see how different they are.

@NemophilistRebel dont worry, I had the same concerns and it has done dc1 the world of good to have a siblings, its lovely to see how happy the baby his to see dc1 and vice versa. I also think it does them good to share whether with a sibling or with friends and a little play companion is a bonus.

The feeling like someone is missing really resonates with me. We were unsure whether to have a third but I just felt like there was always someone missing till I got pregnant again. Now I am pregnant we are very excited, and I am certain this will be our last.

Pre- daughter we always thought we’d have a big family as both of us came from smaller units but since her birth it’s been far harder than we thought.
Not only did having a baby hit us like a tonne of bricks (as most first time parents) but she didn’t sleep well (and still doesn’t nearly 5 years on) and on top of that, we live miles away from our families so no support.
We’ve never been able to palm her off so we can go out and so on....so our decision was pretty easy.

Within a year and a half my husband had the snip and I don’t regret it at all.

I love being a mother and my daughter is everything to me but I like it being quite simple now. The older she gets the easier it’s getting (in some ways) and I’m finally starting to reclaim sleep 😂

Sorry my response is probably not particularly helpful but we’ve always been really sure since her birth that one completed us.

I knew before dd was born
The thought of pregnancy, birth, newborn and toddler leaves me cold and running for the hills.
I don't feel anything is missing
When I think of a 2nd I feel no positives, only more stress, more money, less me time, nappies, no sleep, toilet training, abusive midwives, loss of my body again
I have no desire to risk my wellbeing again, mentally I was almost destroyed with dd and I have no desire to risk life long issues with my body. In many ways I got lucky with my first pregnancy, I not risking that luck is gone for a 2nd

Dp wants a 2nd, I tell him to get another dog
He tries to get sibling idea into dd head, I come back with shared toys, crying, smelly nappies and she wants none of it lol.