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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

DD HATES having no siblings :-(

41 replies

Scienceblock · 18/01/2020 21:49

Age 5. Just. Doing really well at school. Thriving. Plenty of friends and out-of-school activities.

It comes to Friday and she nags and moans and moans and nags about wishing she had a sibling to play with over the weekend.

When she’s not banging on about that, she’s forever whining that she would rather be with her friends than us

I get it. I genuinely do.

But we tried for 19 years to conceive her and I’m seriously ill (PIP) and we’re financially broke because of it so having a second isn’t an option. I struggle physically.

It’s the friend issue...it’s relentless. At school pick-up she wants someone to come home. After a club, she wants someone to come home....

It’s not doing my ego any good and it’s exhausting!

I’m also ‘Slow Mummy’ which doesn’t help and some days I just cry because this isn’t what I wanted and she doesn’t deserve it.

Any ideas as to how we get over this ‘friends’ thing please?

I organise what I can but obviously can’t arrange something everything weekend & that’s what she doesn’t understand.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BrokenLogs · 01/02/2020 10:47

Just for another perspective, I had dd2 when dd1 was almost 5.

Dd1 said for the first 2 years 'l miss it being just the 3 of us'. She's accepted dd2 (4) but it was really tough on her, she's an introvert who likes things calm and quiet. Dd2 is very much the opposite!

Francina670 · 01/02/2020 11:04

I think she’s probably picking up in your issues around the situation and that’s partly why it’s become such a big issue for her.

You don’t have an only child by choice it was a result of fertility issues which you probably still feel raw about. You also wish she had cousins to play with and circumstances that you are angry about mean that she doesn’t.

It’s difficult to respond positively to her when you don’t feel positive about the situation. You are also mourning the loss of siblings and cousins.

MonaChopsis · 05/02/2020 12:33

DD was like this for years, until friends with a younger child came to stay. That cured her of wanting to share her space with a baby/toddler!! So I would organise lots of playdates, some with her friends, some with friends who have younger children so she doesn't have an idealised picture of what life with a sibling would be like! She's 9 now and very happy as an only.

ChatWithMe · 18/05/2020 20:26

Only kids who crave a sibling likely imagine only fun times but don't realise the sibling will likely piss them off on a regular basis!

BooseysMom · 21/05/2020 21:12

Only kids who crave a sibling likely imagine only fun times but don't realise the sibling will likely piss them off on a regular basis

This is exactly right! I was like this as a child. My DM got kids round to play on a regular basis and when i grew up she told me that i would get fed up of them and leave them to go and play with my dogs!
I was a bitch!

Now i have one DS who's 6 and not once has he asked for a sibling. I think girls want it more than boys as they want the whole cute baby thing..the reality is screaming and sleepless nights and all the attention on the baby!

Makegoodchoices · 21/05/2020 21:19

I realised that mine didn’t actually want a sibling but wanted the status of being a big brother.
It went away but we have a deal that he (normally) has someone over every Friday and often at times over the weekend. His life is very full of activities and he’s happy.

Missh07 · 21/05/2020 21:41

I can relate to this somewhat, in that I was the child who wanted another sibling - namely a sister having already had 2 brothers. I used to plead and cry with my mum and would only let her brush my hair if she got me a sister.
I soon got over it and laugh about it now, hopefully it's just a phase as it was for me and it wont bother her too much if she doesn't end up getting one! Don't feel too bad it's unlikely going to damage her psychologically x

Beamur · 21/05/2020 21:48

My DD went through a phase of wanting a sibling. Lots of pleading and tears...
What changed her mind was a new friend with a toddler sister. She realised that a sibling would be a baby and then a toddler and that actually wasn't so great after all. She's 13 now and really happy we didn't have a baby. She has older siblings and gets on really well with them.

lilmishap · 21/05/2020 21:53

My soon to be 7 year old has never been invited to a party, my youngest has been invited to at least a party a month since he started at nursery(he is now in YR in Feb he was invited to 5)
My oldest boy sometimes enjoys having a brother but it doesn't last long and he hates, is annoyed by, feels jealous of his younger brother most of the time.
It breaks my heart that he is lonely.The frustration he has when his younger brother shows social skills he cannot do/understand yet is not helping him.

The only effective tactic is to keep him engaged or encourage him to entertain himself, it's brutal but my oldest son is not a good socialiser and I can't change that by wanting him to be happier. Accept the truth before making any decisions.

lilmishap · 21/05/2020 21:59

She's a kid and "that's lovely" is a better response than running yourself ragged.

NKffffffff858c3814X11c226de557 · 31/08/2020 08:13

My child has recently become a teen, I spent a lot of time with him, taking him on day trips, and local community activities. He is an exceptionally social child, very loving too. He has always wanted nothing more than another child in the home, ideally a sibling. I thought he would grow out of this, but not the case at all. Its a question of trying to fill that void, in other ways. I also had my boy late, he is now in his rebellion mode, which isnt easy. The lockdown went fine for first 2 months, and then it became very difficult for him, we tried putting him back into school, but the changes, social distanced setup, he hated, and discontinued. He has spent most of the summer holidays with his grandfather. It will always be a felt absence for him, as he is exceptionally caring when we visit a local family with a young child. It helps him to bring the young child in him out. The families i've met with single children now grown, certainly from my root community, fair few, have stated there is nothing more their child wanted than a sibling, and they never really outgrew same. I think it would be good if there were an online group for only children, who didnot wish to be such. That may help them to engage, and swap notes so to speak..to know they are not alone in their 'need, desire of a sibling'.

AlwaysLatte · 31/08/2020 08:23

My two are great friends but they also have good friends of their own and ignore each other. Once she starts school I'm sure she'll have lots of play dates (from her bubble obvs), we had lots of children regularly over for tea and ours to theirs, or we all met up at climbing/bowling/soft play after school. It's going to be harder during COVID I know. My two are older now and apart from a few get-togethers over the holidays they've socialised online with their friends. And you could get a dog if you don't have one? My oldest one in particular and our dog are inseparable.

Hamster555 · 12/09/2020 18:49

These replies are great and certainly put in to perspective for me the concern I have of my LG being an only and was concerned I’d have the exact same issue. It’s true siblings can fight like hell and I did With my Step sister And like one of the others has said even if they did have a sibling they’d still hope for their friends to come over anyway. I think don’t feel bad as I can imagine this makes you feel awful esp feeling like slow mummy and your not youre fab and doing a great job and it’s ok and totally normal to feel like this. Kids I think always desperately want what they ‘think’ they want but we have to rationalise as best we can and these comments certainly put my mind at ease, I think the play dates when you can are a good idea as it’ll ease it off a bit for you esp when they get a little older and the other parents are happy to get rid of their kids for an hour or two themselves 😂❤️ X x x

ReuT3 · 18/09/2020 11:23

Have you tried to see if scouts are open yet? They do lots of activities, it might take some of the organising activities off your hands so you can catch your breath.
Don't let her want of friends make you feel guilty though. We all wanted friends in school and I used to ask for friends to come round when I was young. Eventually we were old enough to go out and do things together.

zafferana · 18/09/2020 11:33

Sounds like your DD doesn't actually want a little sister, what she wants is a carbon copy of herself to play with! Does she understand that a baby sibling wouldn't be at all like that? I remember when my DSis was born and I was three. I'd be told 'you'll have someone to play with' and when she was born she was tiny and she couldn't talk or play or anything - I was SO disappointed!

So I'd just roll with this stage that your DD is going through OP. It will pass. For now, I'd invite friends over as much as you/their parents can tolerate it and know that she'll come out the other end at some point. They all go through challenging stages and this is clearly hers!

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 18/09/2020 11:34

I have no siblings and was (and still am) jealous of those with but my parents made no effort to facilitate playdates. It must be more tough at the moment but I think the more you make sure she has time with other children the better whenever that becomes an option again

I have only child friends who had plenty of socialising opportunities and they were perfectly happy without siblings

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