Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Flip

Original poster

I Think I Am One And Done...

10 replies

BabyBunnyMama · 18/01/2020 16:35

So it's early days, my DD is only just turning 9 months old but DH (rather out of the blue) threw the idea of being one and done out there the other night and I honestly cannot stop thinking about it.

DD is our absolute world, she was planned and very much wanted after a horrible loss, and she just came into our life at the most perfect time. My pregnancy was fine except from feeling constantly anxious something terrible was going to happen and birth not TOO bad, recovering was the worst part and we had a few problems with reflux but since she hit about 5/6 months she has been a dream baby so it's nothing to do with not wanting to go through it all again really.

I have always imagined I would have 2 children...however after DH mentioning sticking to one it just seems to make so much sense to me.

DD is my absolute world and completes our little family, I know we can give her a lot more than we could afford to give her and a sibling (speaking both financially and time there) and if we were to have another it seems like it would just be 'the thing to do' and honestly don't know if I could go through another anxiety ridden pregnancy or potentially another loss.

However I do feel a bit of sadness at the thought we have kept all her newborn things, her pram, Moses basket and crib etc and I feel like I never cherished the newborn stage enough - and then also nervous my DD will grow up to resent us for never giving her a sibling (although me and DH both have siblings with very little relationships between us)

Ah I don't know, if I'm honest I just wanted somewhere to share my thoughts, I know I don't have to make this decision right now but as I said just can't stop thinking about it.

Would appreciate anyone sharing what made them come to their decisions on being one and done and how that's worked out

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FuzzyPenguin · 18/01/2020 16:50

I am a one and done DS is 5 now. Factors for me was my age and financial. Both of us agreed we were a one and done family before I even got pregnant. I didn’t feel sad as each stage ended and was quite happy to give away things as he grew out of them. When he was 3 the was a fleeting moment of wanting another and guilt that he would never have the sibling relationship. But when I thought Of the life style change and the fact there is no guarantee that he would even get on with a sibling when older it passed. I always have his friends in and out my house, so he is not lonely.
In fact we had a pregnancy scare just before Christmas and it confirmed we definitely didn’t want another and I getting the implant back in on Monday!

mynameiscalypso · 18/01/2020 16:56

Similar here - DS is 5 months and he is awesome but I think we're one and done too. A second child would change our life dramatically (we'd have to move, for example). I know several people who have made similar choices. If it happens by accident (which is very unlikely due to fertility issues), we'd absolutely cope but certainly there are no plans for a second. I'm actually quite excited about the future as a family of three. It feels like the baby making stage of our lives is over and now it's time to start living - that night partly be a consequence of how long it too to conceive DS though.

joffreyscoffees · 18/01/2020 16:58

I have an 18 month old, very much one and done. I wasn't desperate for a baby before her - now she's here I absolutely cannot imagine life without her but I also know I don't want another, I've known it from the moment she was born.

I grew up one of four - I didn't really get along with my brothers and our parents didn't have the time or money for us all and I would never want DD to experience that.

TwigTheWonderKid · 18/01/2020 17:16

By all means stick at one but as an only child myself the phrase "DD is my absolute world" makes me shudder. There are huge advantages in not having to share financial or emotional resources but it can also put a lot of pressure on a single child and I think it's good to realise that.

I have 2 children because as an only child who was orphaned at 20 I was scared of potentially also leaving DS1 with no support network. He and his brother do not get on brilliantly but I know they will support each other when the going gets tough and they will both have someone to share memories with in adulthood, which is something I really miss. However, I felt incredible guilt when DS2 was born and DS1 had to share me after 3 glorious years of having me to himself and have often wondered if I have done the right thing.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 18/01/2020 18:00

One and done here too.Im 39 and have ds 5,nearly 6.I have no desire to have another I'm totally happy with just him.My pregnancy and labour were horrific and I'd never want to repeat it.

reefedsail · 18/01/2020 18:10

I have one by choice and love it. DS has never asked for a sibling and we have never wanted more than one.

I've met some adults who are close to their siblings, but I've also met some who have been quite badly emotionally damaged by them. Which relationship your DC have would appear to be pot luck.

Dinosauraddict · 18/01/2020 18:17

I am 32 weeks pregnant with DC and already know this is a 'one and done' scenario. For us it took private infertility treatment to get pregnant, the pregnancy has been absolutely awful (GD, HG, anxiety and polyhydramnios to name a couple issues) and we know we can give so much more to one child than we could to more (both financially and time-wise). I want my son to have every opportunity available, and would rather put aside time for him to explore any interests, and money for him to have a house deposit etc when he's older than having to split things. I grew up an only child and it never bothered me. My husband has a brother but they aren't close at all. I have no aunts/uncles/cousins as both my parents were only children. I can't imagine a house full of kids and will be going straight back on contraception after the birth. Although, if we ever somehow got pregnant accidentally we would definitely then keep it, and could afford another, plus the house is big enough, so it certainly wouldn't be a disaster.

ParkheadParadise · 18/01/2020 18:21

I felt the same after Dd1.

23years later a surprise Dd2 came along.

HarrietThePi · 18/01/2020 18:25

I knew from before my DD was born that I didn't want more than one child. My partner feels the same way. She's nearly 6 now and I haven't changed my mind, but (to the best of my knowledge) if we wanted to have another child we still could. Unless you're thinking of having a hysterectomy or something it doesn't really need to be a permanent decision does it? If you change your mind in a year or two or three then there'd be nothing stopping you from trying for another.

Sizeofalentil · 18/01/2020 19:00

I'm One and Done - not entirely through choice. I've had 4mcs, two before and two after dd (last one being twins). I'd be absolutely happy if dd was my one and only - my only concern being her feeling pressured or coddled by the intensity of being an only child with two quite eccentric parents.

I'm one of five (far too many - my parents didn't have enough love,money or emotional resources for all of us) and my DH is one of two but is nc with his (batshit crazy) sibling. So I'm not worried about her missing out. If we'd had the choice, each of us would have rather been onlyies with more parental love and support.

If dd remains an only child then I'll actually be able to save for a pension, and possibly even give her money for a house one day. If not, life will be pretty lean when I'm in my dotage.

Flip