Bit of background. DH and I have one DS, who is 5yo. We had always planned to have two (or more), however struggled to conceive and have had a few MCs. First was a MMC (prior to DS) after TTC for 6m. DS conceived after TTC for 6m. Third and fourth pregnancies (after DS) both resulted in MC (early), after TTC for about 7/8 months each time. On top of our issues conceiving, our DS was born with a congenital, life threatening illness (after a completely normal, healthy and very enjoyable pregnancy) for which he needed several operations and a liver transplant as a baby. So it's safe to say that our journey since deciding to start our family has been hard.
DH and I have recently made the decision to stop trying for another. There are so many reasons that this is the best thing for us individually, and for our family unit - what if DS becomes poorly again and we have to spend another 3m or longer in a hospital over 2 hours away with a young baby to consider; what if we had another seriously ill baby - how would DS (and us) cope; how do I cope mentally with more limbo and potential loss and heartbreak (on top of me no longer believing my body is truly capable of carrying a healthy child); how would I cope if we did conceive again and we did lose it; at what stage would I be able to believe that the pregnancy was viable and the baby would be ok - the list goes on.
On top of that, whilst we always imagined having more children, we are all happy, and our family unit really works - so why rock the boat given all of the above?! We know we are incredibly lucky to have DS. His health is now being very well managed, he is at school and is a real treasure. He is happy, loving and very sociable. Neither DH or I feel like there is something 'missing' from our little triangle.
Since making this decision, I feel a bit like a weight has been lifted, in that we can move on and really focus on the positives that having an only child brings. But, at the same time I am second guessing myself a little about it. My major worry is whether I'll regret it later on down the line, and whether DS will resent us down the line for stopping (he asks for a brother or sister, and it breaks my heart).
I'm sure this is a really normal way to feel... I guess I'm just after some reassurance that DS will be ok as an only child, that letting my head rule more over my heart is the right thing to do, given our circumstances. Thank you.