A second child after traumatic first birth?

[Nicecupofcoco]

Hi all,
I had my first ds September 2017, I felt like everything that could go wrong did do, I had to be induced due to reduced movements at 39 weeks, baby was back to back and I had an epidural for the pain, I had a 24 hour labour, and needed ventouse and forceps, managed to get him out on third attempt as they were about to take me for section. The pain was immense even with the epidural and felt my self tear from front to back. (3rd degree) then pph and lost 1.5 litres had to be rushed to theatre for surgery. I have no memory of holding ds when I was finally out of surgery and he was about 8 hours old by the time I had my first cuddle with him.
It turns out I was also anemic, which they had missed during my pregnancy, so needed two blood transfusions before I could go home and a prescription of iron tablets.
I'm an anxious person anyway and felt like I never wanted to put myself through it again, dh agreed.
Almost two years later and I struggle to think of ds as an only, I always pictured two? Although I'm greatful each and every day for one healthy boy!
Now we have started talking about a possible second, but how on earth do you make that decision?
I worry my anxiety would be bad having a second, dreading the Labour? Feel like it would be nine months of hell! Plus I'd have no idea if to try for a second natural birth or a section this time?
I know some people have much worse labour's but I really felt lucky to get through it last time. I feel like I'd almost be pushing it too much to even consider it again?
Sorry to ramble.
Just wondered if anyone had been in a similar position, how did you make the decision?
Thanks.

I refused to even consider having another child for around 3 years after dc1 was born - left alone on a ward as no beds on maternity while dh searches for a midwife/ doctor/ nurse/ anyone, crowning completely alone when a drunk bloke pulled the curtains back, told me to stfu as his mother was ill and then leaving me naked and exposed to the whole ward.

After a frank discussion with dh I said I’d only consider it if we went private, I knew I could have a elcs so I knew I’d be in control and not left alone. We remortgaged the house and I now have a 3yo and o actually enjoyed the birthing experience.

It was 9 years ago and I still cried from just typing out what happened.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I had a similar experience, it really stays with you. I am now pregnant with my second. Hospital team have been very understanding about planning an ELCS. I was worried there would be discussions about natural birth but not at all.
Might be worth discussing what you've said here with your GP and they might be able to support you going forward.

I had an almost identical first labour and delivery to yours - long labour, forceps, pph, transfusions, retained products etc.

I had a second and third by elective c-section. I was a bit nervous going into the second delivery but it was perfectly fine. Went to a different doctor though - no way was I going back to her.

Thank you luckinglovely!

Tinkabella it's not an easy decision at all is it. Im almost 40, so don't feel I have alot of time to decide which makes it harder. If I was younger I could wait it out a few more years and see how I felt.
Thanks all for replies.

Hi Fatted, yes had a quick debrief about six weeks afterwards at the hospital. At the time though I was pretty adament no more. They basically said I could try naturally again, they said I have a 6% chance of it happening again... don't know where they get these figures from!
She didn't mention c section, but did say if I was to try again naturally then I'd need a senior midwife at the third stage of labour. She said the pph was due to the tear.

I had a horrible first birth. I went for a private CS for my second and would thoroughly recommend a CS. It was so civilized in comparison. Going private gave me continuity of care. DD2 was nearly 10 pounds, so I'm not at all sorry about choosing a CS. My recovery was a walk in the park compared to my first birth. I was back driving within 3 weeks (first was about 3 months, despite not being a CS). I know that people talk about a CS being "major abdominal surgery" but a shredded perineum is pretty major surgery in an area that turns out to be hard to deal with.

My DD2 is awesome, just like DD1. Having a second child has brought a richness to our lives. We were happy with one child and I can understand choosing to have one.

Thank you @Justajot

I waited 7 years before having my second for this very reason. I was traumatised to the core. Elected C section second time around and the support from the hospital was outstanding. I thought I’d have to fight my corner but nope everyone gave me nothing but an ear and support. The c section was a fantastic birth experience. I actually went into labour the day before but it was still very calm and I still got my c section. Baby latched on straight away and no problems. Of course it was sore, but the recovery was a walk in the park in comparison. It was just so much easier emotionally to deal with. I had support via a consultant midwife at the hospital and I saw her for counselling throughout my pregnancy. It really helped me work through my feelings.

My first birth back in March was amazing - I do feel hypnobirthing helped a lot - I used the online course from The Positive Birth Company - would highly recommend it