Did you feel utter relief at admitting you only want one child?

[Booksandwine80]

Morning all. My dd is 2 and in my mind I always thought she would eventually have a sibling.

However, I was quite poorly after her birth, both physically and psychologically. Dh and I have had a really honest discussion and are fast coming to the conclusion that we don’t really want another child.

Since admitting this out loud to him, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m enjoying my daughter a lot more and just feel happier and more content.

Just wondering if anyone else can share their experience of this kind of thing.

I thought I would feel sad about “no more babies” but at the moment all I feel is relief!

We have one beautiful 3 month old and we have both said we are sure this is it for us. I have a medical condition so if we did want more children I would have to take medication, strict diet etc there's none of the coming off the pill and seeing what happens for us. I was lucky to get pregnant and have a great pregnancy and now beautiful child the first time and feel like I'll be pushing my luck to try again. Accepting this and making the most of every minute with our LO is enough for us.

Oh my god, yes! We always planned to have 2 but wanted to have about a 3 year age gap for various reasons. Booked a holiday a year in advance and then found out because of Zika virus risk you have to wait 6 months before returning to ttc. Was so upset but we had paid for it all so wasn’t going to cancel. 12 months of trying and upset I hadn’t got pregnant yet, my daughter about to start Reception, I suddenly thought “why not just have one?”. I thought it was me tricking myself at first but the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea.

Basically I really struggled with the baby stage and and like someone else said on here, didn’t fully enjoy moving onto each stage because always thinking in the back of my mind that I have to do this all again one day, but with a toddler as well! I loved when we got rid of the buggy (apart from not being able to put my shopping on it!) and then thought ergh I will have to start all over again. So all of a sudden a year ago I thought, hmmm maybe I don’t have to. For all the reasons such as life getting easier, having more money for her future, easier getting a babysitter etc. All selfish but hey it’s my life and I said to my mum when I told her my thoughts, I want to love my life and not just muddle through. I think I couldn’t cope mentally with 2 (no MH probs, just i like a bit of peace in my life lol).

It was one of the hardest decisions of my life as I had never envisaged one and if I had known all along it was a possibility, I would have enjoyed my daughter so much more at each stage, cherishing that this could be the last time. It also meant deciding as a couple that it was what we both wanted, I didn’t want it to be just my decision. There were lots of tears and mumsnet googling! Anyway fast forward to a year later and I’m loving life and content with my decision (daughter is 5). Occasionally I feel sad thinking about when she’s older and not having a sibling (I am a twin and it’s nice the family all catching up at my mum’s) but I know life would be so much harder with two. I enjoy her so much more and on holiday this month she made friends so I could sit on the sun lounger smiling at her having fun now that she is that bit older.

Sorry for the essay, but yes it was a hard decision for me but I love the freedom compared to the baby stage and feel I have “come out the other side”!

Oh and I even got a new job as I had put that on hold because of wanting baby no.2. Been here since April!

@Happyornot you sound like me! I'm a twin from a big family and have a 5 yo DD. I can't have more for medical reasons but I'm increasingly happy with that. My DD is spirited and a bad sleeper and I feel like I'm too old and tired to start again. I recently booked a half term break and we upgraded to a swanky suite. It would only fit up to 3 so wouldn't have worked with 4 in the family, plus we probably couldn't have afforded it had we paid for the extra flights etc.

Level75 sounds lovely and is so true, the little luxuries you can have with one!
My daughter has been a bad sleeper as well and a little live wire, so is more than enough to handle.

I'm so glad I've found this thread.
Thank you for putting this up and all your replies.
I have a 15m DD. I have always thought I would have children, but never actually thought about it more than that.
It took a few years to get pregnant resulting in me being 38 when DD came along.
As per some others we had a traumatic time at the birth (more straight after with added unseen complications for me, DD was fine).
My other half first said he wasn't interested in having more, and at first I was like don't say no now (even though after the birth and operation I told everyone no more!) I needed more time to realise that I dont have to have another. Its the norm to have 2. All our friends have 2. I've read some very one-sided comments on other threads about only children.
However in the last 2 weeks we have talked about it more, and it's a weight lifted that I can now say I don't need another child.
There was a wonderful thread on this site about the positive sides to one child and its helped me as well.
As another person on here said, I'm going to be open to people as I don't want the questions and be made to feel guilty in any way. My DD is happy, healthy and will have parents who love her and will be able to give 100% to her.

Anyway I could go on and on.. But again thank you to all who write on here. Its helped me and that's amazing. X

Yes! Total relief at never having to go through the baby stage again.

Hi, I have spent the last few hours frantically searching for pros to having one child. I’m 44 soon. I never had an urge to have children and when I finally did at the age of 33 it took me just under 4 years to conceive. Months before my pregnancy and after years of fertility issues I miscarried - so when I did fall pregnant again my pregnancy was 9 months of worry. My birth was pretty traumatic and I never felt comfortable breast feeding and selfishly or not I wanted my body back. God I love my DD but I found and still do find parenting so bloody hard. I have sadly lost both my parents - OH mother in law hardly bothers and we live 60 miles from family so I’ve pretty much done it alone. I work full time and financially we are pretty much now comfortable after we lost everything and had to rebuild our lives from nothing. I never wanted more children BUT suddenly had this overwhelming guilt come over me. The self doubts and negative comments keeping fueling my mind....words such as ‘depriving her of a sibling’.....‘I’ve no one to play with mummy’ keep haunting me.

So to read all these comments this evening made me cry of acceptance and reassurance that I’m not some alien mummy and in fact this is normal and in fact perfect! And what I’ve taken from this is ‘enjoy’ I’m so wrapped up with work and worry that I’m not enjoying the only child I’ll ever have - so I wanted to say a huge thank you! I just joined tonight as it’s really helped me!

I’d love to chat to other parents (not sure how)

Thanks again

@Viv6791..hi, welcome to MN! I'm not the op but wanted to let you know i feel the same. I spend far too long searching here for posts that might help with the guilt i feel for having one. We started 'sort of' ttc when we were late 30s and after 2 mcs i had DS at 41. As we left it so late and we never had any help and were in a desperate situation financially we never had another and now i'm nearly 48. It gets worse knowing there's nothing i can do about it. I'm sick of people saying why don't we foster or adopt so i don't tell anyone and am trying to accept it.
I'm sorry you have lost both your parents. I lost DM 3 years ago which was a huge shock. Anyway i hope you read this and feel you're not alone. x

Yes I feel relieved that my partner and I are both on the same page about sticking with one child. I went through a very traumatic labour (nearly died) and the last few months of pregnancy were hideous! Not something I would want to repeat.

I love spending time as a trio, and I find such joy in being able to give lots of one to one time with DD. We don't have any grandparents or relatives nearby so we don't get 'time off'. I think this helped cement our decision 😀

There are heaps of positives, but I do get annoyed at all those people who say 'she's going to be sooooo lonely' and she 'needs' a sibling. I wish people wouldn't offer their opinions like that!

Hi thanks so much for starting this thread. I struggled to have my DS at 38 and nearly 40 end of year. He is now 14 months and I love him so much.
Family feels complete. My DH is just a bit on the fence about having another and leaning more towards a second. He is not pressuring me, but when we talk about it he says he would prefer our son had a sibling (like he does).
I just am confused and wish I wasn’t. I feel so lucky to have one and I’m an only child too, but never really struggled with it and am close with my parents and have lots of friends. So I know he can be ok. I think the only thing I mildly struggled with was other people’s perceptions of only children and feeling sorry for me. It was annoying, but now it’s more common these days I would hope my DS won’t go through that.
I honestly think the main reason I’m considering a second is because it’s what so many friends have done and what everyone expects, which is actually insane!
I don’t long for a second and feel very content having one. I also don’t think mentally my husband and I would cope that well, particularly if the second was really difficult. We both love our space when we can. So it’s tricky!
Anyway sorry for the long winded rant, but if anyone else can relate please let me know. I hope I can make peace with a decision. X