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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Tired of people and their opinions

11 replies

Melyn · 26/02/2019 15:01

Hey everyone, I need a bit of a rant..

A bit of context, I was pregnant with twins but my eldest twin sadly passed away before labour, ds is almost 2.

I'm getting increasingly more annoyed at people feeling like they have a say in if I have more children or not.. I can't say "I miss ds being small" or "I miss when he started learning to walk" without someone saying "just have another one then..."
I have a family member saying "You owe me another baby after what happened to eldest twin"..
And I have my parents asking me to have another so they can be grandparents again without the upset that happened last time..
I went to a Christening recently where a family member asked if I was having anymore children, I said I'm not sure and her response was "I think one is enough.." and at the same event I was holding the baby who was Christened, and I had her taken off me by the little baby's Auntie and she said "You look like you're getting attached, don't want you getting broody and deciding to have another one.."

I'm finding it more and more difficult to hold back my anger, and I feel at any moment I'm going to just snap.
For me, it's not a simple decision and every day that goes on I'm turning more to a no more children, which to me is fine. But I have people guilt tripping me that ds will be lonely without a sibling, and that the more time goes on the harder it will be to introduce a 2nd baby etc. I'm so tired of people thinking they have an opinion when it comes to my uterus..
Sorry to rant, but yeah.. I'm just sick of it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GiveMeSteam · 26/02/2019 15:05

"You owe me another baby after what happened to eldest twin"

I think I would really struggle to get past that comment.

I’m sorry for your loss.

GiveMeSteam · 26/02/2019 15:07

I know lots of only children by the way, they all seem just fine. Also a few families with relatively large gaps. I think all combinations have their challenges; it seems to have more to do with personalities etc than anything else.

RiverTam · 26/02/2019 15:10

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, that must have been devastating.

Some people are unfortunately idiots, and sometimes we're unlucky enough to be related to those idiots.

I once overheard 3 women in a work kitchen going on andon and on to a bloke about how he and his wife absolutely should have another child, their DC would be lonely etc etc. I really felt for this man and felt like slapping these women with the various reasons why me and a few couples I know have only one. The friend whose chemotherapy rendered her sterile would have shut them up...

and

Houmousontoast · 26/02/2019 15:14

I’m sorry you’re getting all these opinions OP. I have one child, aged 4, and always planned to have a second. Unfortunately it just hasn’t happened and I’m sick of the questions. Sometimes I lie and say I don’t want one just to get them off my back. The truth is we have been trying for over 2 years but I don’t really want to go into all that with people. They can be nosey and it’s hard but I want to save them the embarrassment of telling them we’ve been trying. Stay strong and maybe have a rehearsed line so you can respond without thinking. I’d have thought they would be more sympathetic knowing the trauma you must have been through losing one of your twins. No advice there but just wanted to let you know I feel frustrated too.

Original poster

Melyn · 26/02/2019 15:49

Thank you, unfortunately my family don't really do sympathetic.. The examples I've used aren't even the worst ones that have been said to me by family, I think what makes it worse is if dh and I decide to have another the family member who said "One is enough" is clearly not going to be supportive if we decide to have another. I just wish people would think before they open their mouths.. It's just heartbreaking that they all know what we went through last time, and they can't think for 0.4 seconds before they say something insensitive..

OP posts:

Houmousontoast · 26/02/2019 15:53

Families can be odd about babies. When I was pregnant I immediately got asked “was it planned?” then within weeks of the baby arriving they were asking when the next would arrive. Sorry guys but PND, antidepressants and then failing to conceive mean I’m not fitting your life goals for me.

nutellalove · 26/02/2019 23:01

Sorry for your loss OP. I am an only child and regularly get the sad head tilt whenever I tell anyone. Or people analysing my behaviour traits e.g. ' oh you never share food must be because you're an only child' I know a lot of people with siblings who never share food but ok

I find it hurtful and rude (and mostly incorrect) as obviously this is not what I chose for my life, my parents couldn't have more kids and I understand that. I don't know why people feel the need to constantly comment on people's family dynamics.

I think all I can advise you is to just ignore the comments, most of them come from a place of ignorance.

PickAChew · 26/02/2019 23:03

Sometimes "fuck off" is all you need to say.

elQuintoConyo · 26/02/2019 23:08

"Shut the fuck up, Barbara" *

Insert their name here.

So sorry for your loss

For a bottle of Bailey's I'll come round and kick anyone in the genital area for you

Original poster

Melyn · 26/02/2019 23:29

My partner is an only child until his sister came along when he was 16, but he was never bothered about having siblings, and my partner's stepdad was also an only child and he said it was great lol. But I can name hundreds of times me and my brother fell out (we're cool now, but it took me moving out to really bond with eachother) I wish saying "fuck off" was an option but I'm really non-confrontational. It just confuses me that people think they get to have a say with what happens with my body, and my little family..

OP posts:

BooseysMom · 27/02/2019 17:31

@Melyn.. so sorry for your loss.
I also have one child and a very stupid tactless family! When DS was born my sis-in-law was full of "oh you can't just have one, you have to have another otherwise he'll turn out spoilt". He was just a few weeks old and i had him at 40. We tried for another and it never happened then I stupidly confided in her that we had been ttc she ranted at me about how insane I was to consider it at my age!! Also all the disabilities he/she would be bound to have. I said I wished I'd never told her and she seemed to get the message. So I've found the only way through it is to just not talk to anyone about it. There are alot of self righteous fools out there. Hope you find a way through it..good luck x

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