The challenges of being the play buddy as well as the parent

[Londonlassy]

I have a four year old Dd and the one thing that has surprised me was the challenge of her needing me to play games with her all the time and how hard I find this. My day often feels like me being torn between wanting to get on top of my housework, sorting out the usual life admin tasks or just wanting to spend some me time with a book or online and her need for me to be part of her imaginary game, doll play etc. Its when I’m playing with her that i see all the tasks around the house that need to get done and I get incredibly frustrated sitting playing with dolls and trying to be present

I know that as only child she has no one else to play with when she is not a nursery and I do try but I never realised how challenging it is. Anyone else going through this?

I have 2 dc but a friend has one and she told me she has to put aside at least half an hour after work every day (she works ft) to play with her dc (now 6) before she can do anything else. This is often at 6pm too. I take my hat off to her as I would find this very difficult.

Hope you don't mind me commenting. I do feel often as you describe though, even with two! But I'm lucky that I can do the chores while they play together and I feel guilty

Yes. I find it mind-numbing and exhausting. By the time we are done crashing plastic cars around/ going on teddy rescue missions/ whatever I'm hardly in the mood to get on with chores too!

I have 4 and one of mine still only wants me! Sometimes it's the child's personality as well as just birth order or sibling status.
Like a pp mentioned I often set aside some time - even 15 mins helps - and call it out as 'special time' where the child can decide what activity to do and direct the play.

Also you mention though that your 4 year old is not at nursery - does this mean she is always at home? Does she have playdates with other children - they don't have to be the same age, but maybe between 3-7, who could play imaginatively with her also? That could help you and her too.

And one last thing- at 4 she's easily old enough to join in with housework. Mine know that they can be with me and we make it fun together (eg they choose a happy song they like and we dance while dusting, or they can use the little hoover while I do the big one, or they sort socks while I fold clothes etc), or if they don't want to help then they have to play quietly.

I feel like I spend my days saying I’ll play with you as soon as I’ve vacuumed, put away the washing returned this call. Or we need to stop playing now as I need to start cooking, go get groceries etc, etc. i feel like amdependent on her watching cartoons for me to get anything achieved

Have you tried switching it around? So play with her for 10mins (set a timer for both of yoh) and then do the hoovering etc? When I remember to do this it does help. My main problem is I don't much want to play imaginative games...

I really like the idea of the timer! Will definitely try that. Hate imaginary play too . I’m much better when I take her to the park or for a bike ride and I can focus on her and not see all the endless chores pilling up

I'm in a similar situation OP with my 3yo. I try to involve him in tasks to help put the socks out to dry and we recently bought a 'doggy' toddler knife to do chopping alongside me preparing dinner.

If she likes play dough she could stand on a chair in the kitchen and do some play there whilst you do dinner?

I do a quick whizz round in the morning whilst he watches tv after breakfast and again after dinner.

If she likes doing puzzles or something where you can say do 5 pieces yourself then it's my turn I find that buys a few mins here and there for quick tasks.

We also do play dates where they can destroy one room whilst I sort out the rest!

Just wanted to give

Also if the home jobs are piling up, I really do recommend The Organised Mum Method - with 4 dcs including a newborn and a 2 year old at home,I'd be living in a tip without it!

My dd is an only child and has just learned to entertain herself. You could have another child and they wouldn't want to play together, so she'd end up playing by herself anyway. Also there is absolutely Nothing wrong with being responsible for your own entertainment. Can she use a device to play music/audiobooks/ movies by herself. My dd can't read so she listens to music and stories and makes up shows with her toys and she doesn't need me for that. Simple crafts can be done solo as well. Maybe you need to just let yourself off the hook a bit and encourage more independent play set aside a regular time for "mummy and me" so that if she does pester you you aren't having to say no just it's not time yet?

I feel for you it's one of the trickiest things about having one! I have a nine year gap between mine so it's a bit like two only children. The little one(3) is always at me to play with him and I feel like I'm constantly having to do a mad blitz of the house in a really short space of time while he plays briefly. The older one is left to look at her phone while I get things done. I feel constantly torn and guilty

It should get easier as she gets older, DD is nearly 7 & she'll happily do crafts/play for etc for up to an hour by herself or play lego/sylvanian families for a bit.

Just out of interest silverschool why did you have a nine year gap and how have you found it? If I have another I will have a 7 Year gap between 1 and 2 so interested to hear thanks

I too have an only child age 6 and find imaginary games impossibly dull. I now just say if she wants to play with me its got to be a board game, puzzle or craft which I dont mind so much, and if she wants to play with dolls she has to do that on her own. We get on very well with parrallel activities, ie doing our individual tasks but in the same space while chatting. Think kids respond well to being given tasks and responsibility so she may help with your chores. It will pass

Yes I'm currently going thru this with DS who's five. Every day is a battle ground where he'll scream at me if i try and sneak off to do chores! I quite like the small imaginative play so that's not an issue but his dependence on me and DH to provide his entertainment makes me feel guilty for not providing a sibling. We had him at 40 and ttc no.2 is impossible. Anyway another thread an OP said that it's not a bad thing to let children get bored as it means they have to find ways to occupy themselves and this helps them develop independence and creativity. So we need to give ourselves a break. I think it's about striking a balance and setting the rules before play starts. 30 mins play, 30 mins tv, 30 mins chores..so everyone's happy

I have one dd aged 7. She has learnt to entertain herself and is great at it- will happily sit doing craft/ writing/ playing with dolls fir an hour or two. I do make sure that I do a few things with her every day, even if it's a 10 minute card game and reading her a story. I too don't like imaginative play! It does get easier but I think it's important to give her 10 minutes every hour of quality time where i can help set her up in an activity and then leave her to it!

Yesaha..had a 9 year gap basically because it took 3 years for me to talk my dh into having another! We also had to wait a long time due to financial reasons..needed a bigger property and live in London where property prices are crazy. Just the way it turned out really.

I think a 7 year gap would be better..good luck!