Moving on after failed IVF

[Summ3ers]

Hello there. Just before Christmas I received a phone call saying that our 3rd IVF attempt had failed. I already have a beautiful little 2 year son but I had hoped to provide him with a sibling. I am an only child myself and I certainly benefitted in lots of ways. However, I just feel so sad at the moment. We can’t afford any more cycles and after 3 heartbreaking miscarriages, that’s it for us. I feel guilty about the money we’ve spent and miserable about the amount of time I’ve spent in clinics etc when I could have been with my son. Pretty much all my friends who had a baby the same time as me have now had a second.
So I guess what I’m asking, is how do I pull myself together, count my blessings and think about all the positives that I can bring to his little life. Thank you

Hi Op, so sorry to hear your news. This was similar to me back in May - I had 3 IVF FET miscarriages and that signalled the end of the road for us providing a sibling for our IVF DS (now aged 2.5)
I am disappointed obviously but it was SO hard to get DS and I try to remember how I felt when I was desperate for 'just the one'. I also think of the ladies who have round after round and sometimes never get any children so I guess I just try and be grateful for getting what I originally wanted anyway.
It is hard though - I also have people falling pregnant, seemingly easily, with siblings all around me and sometimes it does get to me too. We're only human to feel like that.

I decided on a career break when I had DS and am planning on looking for work early next year. So being off work gave me time to grieve and regroup and I've been doing some seedy since October so keeping busy has helped.

Also, I sometimes console myself with knowing that I'm never going through the pain of birth again, the sleepless nights are well behind me, having one is more affordable etc.
I know how you feel right now but it does get easier over time. Be kind to yourself x

Study, not seedy......!!

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I totally agree with being grateful that I have one child and I think going through the IVF has really pushed this home to me. X

Following on from that, I just thought of something else on the positive side - never ever having to do another round of IVF again, no injections, the rollercoaster of emotions. Not caring when ovulation time is, when we’re due on our period, having sex for just fun (shock!)

We have DS 7 with IVF. There was no possibility of another. We went through the adoption process but pulled out before being matched with a child. DH had a breakdown.

Only in the last year or so have I begun to feel less sad about not having a sibling for DS. I think it has taken until any age gap would make things tough. Going back to the baby/no sleep stage? Multi school drop offs, finishing high school before next one starts? DS will be off to uni in only 11 years!! He's going in his first Beavers camp in the spring.

None of it is conciliation for not having a sibling, but once the years have ticked by, it becomes easier to not want to fight with biology/science/fate and go with it.